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Pregnancy

May not be in my own home when baby due and feeling worried...

12 replies

beanstalk · 02/08/2009 08:24

We have bought a house that needs a lot of renovation. I was hoping that the worst of the 'messy' structural work would be done and we would be able to move in 3-4weeks before DC2 is due. This now looks unlikely and we are currently staying with in laws. I am feeling very unhappy at the prospect of bringing our new baby back to someone else's house and not having my own space or time for dh, dd1 and me to bond with our new baby alone. Not to mention having to suppress all the nesting instincts beforehand! Dh thinks I need to just get on with it and accept we will have a lovely new home to move into a few weeks after the birth but I am so hormonal, stressed and upset I seem unable to think about it calmly. How can I get my head around this?

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Longtalljosie · 02/08/2009 09:44

Oh dear. I guess you'll just have to... I sympathise, though, I'd hate the idea. How far behind schedule are the builders?

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LoveMyGirls · 02/08/2009 09:48

What if you think of it as someone to help for the first few weeks? Not having to do any cooking or cleaning, someone on hand to play with dd1 and watch dd2 so you can nap?

With dd1 I stayed in hospital for the first week but with dd2 I was home within 24hours and dp did help it was back to cooking and cleaning and looking after dd's after a few days, he still helped but I think I still did more than I would have to if we'd been staying with my mil.

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HumphreyCobbler · 02/08/2009 09:56

Is your dp acknowledging that it might be hard for you though? I think that if I were in your situation I would need dh to say that he understood my feelings and would do his best to make it ok at the IL's house. Just telling me to suck it up when I was eight months pregnant would not help me

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Whitetara · 05/08/2009 00:07

Totally sympathise. I live with my ILs currently and for the foreseeable future. It's hard as you're not in your own space. I'm half dreading labour starting as I just want to be on my own with dh. on the up side, there is constant childcare should the need arise.

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blondissimo · 05/08/2009 07:18

I'm with LoveMyGirls - I would hate the idea of it too, but maybe if you put a positive spin on it, it might help you muddle through. Do you think your mil will be helpful? I stayed with my IL's for 3 months without being pregnant or any children, and it was hard as we were in a very small house and dp and I shared a single bedroom with him on camp bed and me on single bed - it was frustrating to say the least!! But we did save money and got all our meals made, didn't have to do any housework, etc (cheeky buggere eh!) which made it seem worthwhile. And it made the move into the new house all the more rewarding!

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Deemented · 05/08/2009 07:32

You have my sympathies - we had to move house whn ds was born, he was in NICU for the first 12 weeks, and had to live with my parents for the first few months after that - and to be honest, it was horrendous.

If i were you i'd think about laying clear boundaries now, before baby comes, so you all know what to expect.

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beanstalk · 05/08/2009 21:48

Thanks for all the replies.

Our new house is only 5 minutes from the in laws, so I desperately wanted to be in there and would still have had the help from them. I always got on well with them but am finding living with them is totally different. I think my biggest worry is the impact this is all having on DD1 who, whilst she loves being with her grandma, is showing a lot of signs of being very unsettled by this.

Whitetara - when is your due date? I have 8 weeks to go, and know what you mean about going into labour. I was induced for DD1 and hated the early labour in hospital and just really wanted to be in my own space with DH.

Deemented - that sounds like it must have been very stressful. What boundaries do you think would have been helpful, looking back with hindsight?

I am thankful for the fact that they have a big house, and as you said, blondissimo, we are saving money. Just need to get my hormones in check!

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daisy99divine · 05/08/2009 21:53

Beanstalk you have my sympathy - we had builders in when my DS was born - well they had been in for a year before he was born actually at the time of birth we were living in two rooms with a shower only. Baby came month early and emergency CS

We couldn't live in the house for first 6 weeks really - had one week in hospital 2 weeks at my sister and 3 weeks at friends. It was hard but we just had to do it and tried to speak in advance about fitting in with each other

on the one hand it was lovely to have help on the other it was hard having people around and being "guests" in houses. Hardest bit was breast feeding - I found it tough to get going and as a first time mum wasn't in the swing of just doing it in front of people (soon got past that LOL)

I just made sure we had a little nest area in the bed and I spent lots of time there...

not much help because not the same but just trying to let you know it can be good!

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Deemented · 05/08/2009 22:34

Maybe sit down with them now and tell them that although you appreciate their hospitality, you're a little worried about how things are going to play out when the baby comes.

Explain that while you're really happy for them to be involved and to help out that you need time to get to know your baby, and vice versa, so them telling you how to do things might not be appreciated.

The thing that drove me up the wall when i had to stay with my folks was that if DS cried and i went to pick him up, i was constantly told, 'oh don;t be always picking him up' ect, so i wouldn't, but then one of them would instead!!

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KleineMaus · 05/08/2009 22:47

I really sympathize. I've just made dh change the dates of the plasterer coming to do our kitchen. He'd organised for it to be done 3 days before my due date and I hated the idea of maybe not being able to come home to my own house after the birth because we had no kitchen. It might still happen if I'm early, and I've been trying to convince myself that staying at my mum's will be good cos she can help me.

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newarrival · 06/08/2009 13:24

Beanstalk I know exactly how you feel... we too are living with Ilaws whilt our house is being rennovated. It was supposed to be ready in May this year!! but due to lots of complications & various other probs they are now saying it won't be ready till Nov/dec time. DC due early Dec! I'm tying my best not to stress about it. My hubby is like you know the most important thing is the baby & not where we'll be living. but like you I want to create a space for myself,hubby & DC.
on the other hand I get on with ILaws etc & we will get help & all our meals made. But I sympathise with you .. its hard but try not to stress and think of the help. (its what's getting me through it)

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Whitetara · 07/08/2009 20:42

Hi Beanstalk, I'm due on 2 September. I sort of hope I go into labour late evening and give birth in the morning - maybe that's hoping too much but at least we can give mil the nod and then slip out when convenient.

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