God i feel so bloody guilty. My husband died almost a year ago and now here i am pregnant with another mans child. I loved my husband more then anything and to loose him was so awful, and it's been so hard. My ds was three and dd was just 13 weeks when he died.
We had to move house and we slowly put our life back together again. I then met up with an old friend and we were just friends for a long time, then i realised i had feelings for him. We decided to take things really slowly, but it turned out that the condom split and my pill failed the very first time we were together and im now 15 weeks pregnant. I agonised over wether to keep the baby or not, and spoke to the father about it and we decided to have the baby and try to make a go of it.
So why do i feel so bloody awful, so gulity? Like i have betrayed my beautiful husband. I really hate myself at the moment. In all honesty i wish i wasnt pregnant - it came as a huge shock and i really dont know if its ehat i want but its too late now.
Sorry this is all garbled, can hardly see the screen for tears. Just feel so low and alone.I deserve to be.
You haven't done anything wrong. You suffered more in a short time than many of us have to face in a lifetime but the sugffering that you've had doesn't put your life into cold storage. Your children are growing, you are doing things every day, meeting people. There are lots of things in your life that you can't now share with your husband. Tbh I think if you weren't pregnant and having this siuation there would in all liklihood be something else happening to you that you felt bad about and as if it were a betrayal. It wouldn't be, anymore than this is but what I'm trying to say is that feeling how you feel is part of your grief not that there is anything wrong with the choices you've made.
Babies happen, the best laid plans and all that and i firmly believe that a baby, a new life in the world, a new pair of eyes looking at things - well that is always good news. Please be kind to yourself, you will get there.