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How do I encourage DP to be more house proud...

(5 Posts)
Mumtooneandoneonway Tue 28-Jul-09 12:01:39

Hi ladies, I'm after some advice. DP & I have a DS (who's 2 and a bit) and another on the way. As DS is picking up more on the way we behave and live our lives I'm trying to encourage DP to be more tidy around the house, more aware of hygiene in the kitchen and basically to think a bit more about the way he looks after the house. He cooks every evening and takes the rubbish out (which i do appreciate and am grateful for) but he leaves dirty underwear on the floor, isnt bothered if a bit of raw meat or egg lands on the work surface. He thinks I'm making a fuss by keep asking him to do things (i only ask about a third/quarter of the time as its usually easier to just do it for him, tidy up behind him for the sake of avoiding an argument) but he just doesn't think and he needs to change for the sake of our kids. I had to keep asking him to rinse DS's toothbrush afterwards as the following morning it'd be full of old dry toothpaste. Its all little bits but he just doesn't think. If I haven't washed up he'll do it but do it badly and say it's better to be done badly than not at all. All I want him to do is think about his actions and show DS how things should be done. He often shouts and I hate this and he never listens and twists what I say. He never thinks about why I keep asking just the fact that I do keep asking which is probably once a day or every other day there'll be something I can't ignore. He put up a slide in the garden and tutted because I asked him to put a ground sheet under it rather than have DS keep landing in the grass creating a tonne of washing including grass stains. AIBU? Any advice anyone? I'm at the point where I want to say things but he resents me when I do. I know we should just be happy and DS would prefer happy parents than a clean house but surely there's some compromise?

CakeForBreakfast Tue 28-Jul-09 13:39:11

Watching this thread with MUCH interest...

I know nagging my OH does not work well, but he genuinely forgets things too, and its not as though he's asked to do alot! He never remembers bin day for example - SAME BLEEDING DAY EACH WEEK, but never thinks of it himself.

However, the only 2 things that have had any ounce of success so far are:

1. Hiring a cleaner. Just once a week, the funds come from cutting down on takeaway (one takeaway a week covers it for us or not buying cakes and treats from the supermarket and making some instead). Makes for so much less resentment and she cleans my house better than I do!

2. A teensy tiny bit of deviousness. DH has a much higher tolerance for living in muck than I do, but leaving him to fester in it until even his tolerance level is reached is the only thing that I have found to work without an argument. I have had to force myself to not do or redo the washing up when he has 'forgotten' to do it after promising, I just wash up one plate, fork or saucepan as i need for myself and dd. It worked. He noticed how there was just the most disgusting mess and no crockery and of course asked me why (as though I was the one slacking.) I just sweetly replied that I hated nagging him and respected his word that he would get round to it. Once he spotted that I wasn't going to just do it for him anyway he had to sort the lot out. He forgets a lot less now

Sn0wflake Wed 29-Jul-09 19:39:19

Sorry no help I am a bit more of a slob than my husband. Just thought I would mention this so it does not become a male/female thing.

But I have to say that having a cleaner for a couple of hours a week has REALLY improved things. It has actually got me into good habits. Well worth the money!

Naetha Wed 29-Jul-09 20:07:31

I found my housepride(!?) increased massively once I started inviting friends around fairly regularly (once a fortnight or so), but not specifically on certain days. If they're mutual friends of your DH, it works even better. Even if it's just a case of people popping in to pick something up, or returning a borrowed DvD, I found it worked a treat for getting both myself and DH more aware of the state of teh house.

As for a cleaner - I have someone that comes around about once every couple of months to do the whole house, and basically does all the jobs I just don't have the time and inclination to do, like clean the windows (inside), wipe down the kitchen cabinets, dust etc etc. Not only does it make you realise how nice a clean house can be, but when you know she's coming, you make an effort to have a tidy up / clear out.

allaboutme Wed 29-Jul-09 20:09:13

you posted this several days ago, exactly the same and didnt like the replies you got!

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