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pregnant with 2nd already - terrified or overjoyed?

(12 Posts)
lovetoshop Fri 24-Jul-09 08:31:15

Whilst I dont expect sympathy for my 'unexpected earlier than planned pregnancy' I wonder does anyone have any words of wisdom? My DS is 9 months old and I am 5 weeks pregnant again. DP overjoyed as was planned at some stage but def not this early! I am shocked, overjoyed, terrified all rolled into one. I look at my DS and think how wonderful it will be to have another but then I think back to those early days and I'm just not sure how you cope with that combined with an 18 month old toddling around! Is there anyone out there to reassure me? I'm so desperate to feel the joy I felt when I fell pregnant with my DS but my fear of not coping and struggling financially etc is preventing that. My head is in a total spin!

snala Fri 24-Jul-09 09:37:52

I have no words of wisdom but your not on your own.

My second ds is due in 2 weeks and my first ds is only just 18 months.
I have been assured that although its hard at the start its easier to do it all at once!

I have found this pregnancy hard work as im
so tired running around after ds1.
I have a lot of family support and they take
ds out for the day so i can rest.

Financially i too was worried sick.We are going to be able to use all of ds1s stuff so wont cost any more. I also use cloth nappies so that keeps cost down. We managed on mat pay before so we can do it again. There is now a maternity grant for all pregnant women too.

All our worries melted away when we went for our first scan, we felt the same emotion as with ds1.Since then we have been just as excited and thrilled! Cant wait now.

Try not to worry and enjoy your pregnancy.grin

captainpeacock Fri 24-Jul-09 09:49:30

I have the same age gap and I can't deny that it was hard at first. Mine are now 12 and 13 and I really enjoy the age gap now, although I have a dd and ds they get on incredibly well and are always there for each other. It will be hard, but it will be really worth it.

NorkilyChallenged Fri 24-Jul-09 09:52:48

I had a 15 month age gap and have to say that terrified and overjoyed was about right - I think I felt that way for most of hte pregnancy! And it was planned (well we were deliberately not preventing but I was still exclusively bf'ing, and it had taken nearly 3 years to get pg with DD1 so we weren't expecting immediate results!).

It will feel different to your first pregnancy because you have your DC1 to think/worry about and that does change things. But a small gap - while hard work - is great great fun and my girls love each other (DD2 is nearly 15 months old now) already. I think it will keep getting better too as they are now close enough in age to be interested in the same things.

To be honest, there are different pressures/worries with any age gap anyway. A second child/second pregnancy is a different experience to your first. I was so focused on DD1. But don't worry, your feelings are totally normal and htings will be great!

alana39 Fri 24-Jul-09 09:58:49

I found out at almost exactly same stage with DS1 as you, and felt more or less the same about it too! I had also only just gone back to work, so felt guilty that I was going back only to announce another pregnancy.

As Snala says the pregnancy is often hard work - not being pregnant itself so much, as the fact you still have a baby to look after. DS1 didn't start walking until I was 6 months pregnant and by then my back had completely gone.

However - there was no real jealousy / behaviour problems (DS1 too young), 2 in nappies is actually so much easier than having to run for toilets (everything contained), and after a hard 6 months it got much easier. Also, demanding though toddlers are, I found mine was happier to wait around for yet another feed / change than the 3 or 4 year old children of friends who had just had their second. Longer term benefits include 2 children who are more likely to be interested in the same days out / films / toilet humour etc.

I suppose every age gap has its pros and cons, so try not to get too stressed about it (said with benefit of hindsight, obviously grin).

lovetoshop Fri 24-Jul-09 10:14:48

Hello, Thank you, Thank you! Already I feel slightly better. I'm in such a state of shock I hadnt realised some of the positives you have pointed out. All I could see were the financial problems and the thought of going through another pregnancy/newborn stage. Whilst I love being a mum to DS I admit I struggled alot in the first 3months. Those memories are so fresh. However, your words of wisdom and experience have cheered me a little (Have been crying most of the morning as I'm home alone with DS who is full of cold). Snala, good luck in the next 2 weeks. I hope everything goes well for you smile

alana39 Fri 24-Jul-09 11:34:52

Lovetoshop should also have said that with the 2nd baby you generally don't have that stress of feeling like you have no idea what you're doing. I found all the effort was in looking after the toddler (whose bad habits I had let go) rather than the baby who let me put him down with no fuss and I felt he was much "easier" - in reality it's probably just that I was more confident.

snala Fri 24-Jul-09 22:31:04

Thankyou! Im just starting to get the hospital bag ready, its really sinking in now!! grin

becky7000 Fri 24-Jul-09 22:49:10

I have a 15 month age gap between DC1 and DC2 and same again between DC2 and DC3. I am now pregnant with DC4, DC3 is 7 months so that will be 14 month gap. I found it is much harder being pg with small kids to look after than once the baby is born as the baby can be put down! DC3 is the most easy going baby because they learn to wait for things and DC1 adjusted very quickly after DC2 was born because he was so young still.

Hope this helps!

lovetoshop Sat 25-Jul-09 10:22:49

Hi,all of your posts are so positive, Thanks smile. I feel much better today (no tears so far!) Becky7000 you deserve a medal! Where do you find your energy?! I'm feeling more positive and realising some of the benefits of a close gap now. DP hasnt dismantled the crib yet either so he sees it as one less job he has to do! We have almost everything from our DS so expenses will be less. The only slight nightmare is choosing the double buggy I guess. I'll nip to the reviews page I think. Thanks again to all of you smile

kittykat77 Sun 26-Jul-09 19:27:17

I had an 11 month gap between my two. Not planned that way but now they are 2 and 3, they get on so well. Yes it is hard work with 2 close together, but as they get older it gets so much easier as they are both into the same things. I definately wouldn't have changed anything. Now we are just wondering if we can cope with baby no.3 in the equation!!!

Gangle Sun 26-Jul-09 21:44:23

Lovetoshop, I am in the same boat as you. I'm 5 weeks pregnant, found out last week and was horrified as many many reasons why we just can't have a second child at the moment (relationship troubles, plus DS1 was a terrible sleeper, both in full time, demanding jobs etc). After much soul searching we've decided to go ahead with the pregnancy. DS1 will be nearly 2 when the LO arrives which is a much bigger age gap than yours but still far less than the 3 or 4 years we wanted. Have just told myself it's meant to be and things will all work out. Good luck.

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