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After talking with my mum, she seems to think I'm not in shock but depressed

(25 Posts)
dizzymare Thu 23-Jul-09 21:25:16

Background info - recently discovered I'm having twins, 12 weeks gone already, seperated and have a 19 month old son.

Since I found out I was pregnant again I've struggled badly, very weepy, lost interest in a lot of things, not sleeping properly. But now we know it's two babies on their way I have gone down even more, but according to my mum this is depression not stress and shock. I do feel down but I don't think I'd go as far as to say I'm depressed, or am Ihmm. I'm struggling with the idea of being pregnant, let alone the fact there is two babies coming, so I'd like to hear from any other mums to be about this, and what you think and what I can do about it. And I'm wafflingblush, but hopefully someone can decipher this.

Deemented Thu 23-Jul-09 21:35:01

Have you rung TAMBA yet? P'raps go see your doctor or your midwife and talk things through with them?

Yorky Thu 23-Jul-09 21:38:24

There is such a thing as ante-natal depression as well as the better known PND, please talk to your GP or MW and get help asap.
Have a chat with the lovely ladies on the multiples thread here for wise words of experience
Does the father know?

Trudi2009 Thu 23-Jul-09 22:02:35

I'm having twins too and a little depression is common so I'm finding. After the shock of twins passes the 'oh my god how the hell am I going to cope' sets in and I have found myself getting a little down. Go to the Mulitple Section here, you'll find many people are experiencing this. For me those feelings come and go. I'm grateful to be carrying two healthy babies but slightly panicy about so many things as this is my first pregancy. You're definitely not alone.

dizzymare Thu 23-Jul-09 22:06:51

No I haven't had enough courage to actually ring and talk to anyone yet. Typing it here's one thing but openly admitting how I'm dealing or not dealing with this is something else all together.

I've not heard of ante-natal depression, I thought it was more likely you got PND, which I had when ds was born. I've ended up in tears more often than not, but some of it is hormones I'm sure. Although mum has other ideas, and wants me to make an appointment to talk with my dr, but the coward in me's pulling me backblush

Yes, the father knows, he's my H but we don't live together anymore.

Trudi2009 Thu 23-Jul-09 22:27:47

Well you should go and at least see your doctor or mention it at your next check up. I have had a few tears and I too think a lot of it is hormonal but that doesn't change the fact that twins are an overwhelming prospect and they can really freak you out. Talking and typing ;) to others can piece by piece start putting your mind at rest about all the little things on your mind and you gradually feel a little less emotional. Or at least thats what I found. (I still get teary, just a little bit less these days)

dizzymare Fri 24-Jul-09 11:11:06

I get teary alot, but more self pity than anything else, and the smallest thing will set me offblush
I'm hating seeing my bump grow

LackaDAISYcal Fri 24-Jul-09 12:30:57

Hi dizzy smile

sorry you are feeling so awful about this pregnancy, and given your personal circumstances, that's perfectly understandable.

Re antenatal depression, I was diagnosed with it towards the end of my pregnancy with my DD who is now 2, and like you hadn't heard of it before. I thought I was just being moody and hormonal, but in hindsight I really wish that I had sought help earlier as I was really quite ill by the time I saw my GP.

There is some more information about it on babyworld plus a link to Delphi Ellis's website, who is an ex sufferer and campaigner to get greater awareness of the condition.

could you get your mum to go with you to the doctors? I found it really hard to talk about how I was feeling (I had had two previous MCs and thought that I should have been happy and was feeling added guilt that I wasn't) and found having my DH there to talk when I couldn't (I spent most of the appointment in tears) and to tell the doc how bad things seemed from an outsiders point of view was invaluable.

How is your exH feeling about the news? Is he there and willing to support you? After all he is partly responsible for this!

I agree with Yorky to talk to somone on the mulitples boards and with the poster who suggested TAMBA, as they will have some inkling into how you are feeling about twins and someone will have experience of an unplanned pregnancy that was discovered to be a twin pregnancy as well.

dizzymare Fri 24-Jul-09 12:47:10

She would come, it's her who wants me to talk to the dr, and I probably wouldn't get a word in edgeways anyway. She's very much a take control sort of mumhmm. But I've only expressed how bad it's making me feel on here, she'd be horrified to hear me say some of the things I've said on mn. She knows I'm low, crying alot and stuff but I'm ashamed of feeling this way about my pregnancy.

H is blasé, and difficult, but will bloody support me even if it kills him. Long story tbh, which I can't be bothered to waste my fingers on. Let's just say you never really know someonehmm

I did pop in on the multiples thread last night but my timimg was crap, and they were all off to bedblush I'll pop back later on, but mums here for lunch and to hopefully take ds off out for a while so I can get a rest. Thanks for the links aswell, I'll try to read it later.

LackaDAISYcal Fri 24-Jul-09 13:04:46

Oh pet sad
Try not to worry about feeling ashamed; it's very common, especially where depression is concerned. With the right support you'll get through this, and talking about things here and to your mum is a good start.

I discovered I was unexpectedly pregnant when my DD was only 8months old and given how ill I had been when pregnant with her and afterwards, I was terrified. But, we are getting there, I came off my ADs briefly until after the first trimester (hard work but I made it). DS2 is now 9months old and although the small age gap is hard work, and I have good days and bad days, we've survived it!

I know twins are a different proposition entirely though!

Take care, and keep checking in; there is lots of support here for you smile

dizzymare Fri 24-Jul-09 16:40:40

I can't help feeling ashamed though, what sort of person/mother does that make me that I wish my own pregnancy would vanish. I'm not ready for this, we were just starting to find our feet after H and now emotionally I'm struggling, which is a bit scary sometimes. But I couldn't terminate, so doing this is my only option. God, I feel like a broken record on here at the moment. The tiredness/insomnia/aches/nausea is really getting me down, and I want my body back sad

LackaDAISYcal Fri 24-Jul-09 18:17:20

it makes you the sort of mum who was going through a tough time emotionally before finding out about the pregnant and then to find out about that and double whammy of it being twins, as well as getting on top of the fact that you are going to be a one parent family.

You are not alone on feeling like this, and no-one will castigate you for it, certainly not your GP.

I hated being pregnant with DD and was sooo worried that the fact I was regretting even getting pregnant again made me feel soo awful, and scared about how good a mum I would be, but it was fine. And you'll be fine as well. Yes, it'll be tough, and yes you'll wonder when you will ever sleep again, but you will get through it. But you need some help to get you through this at the minute, even if it's just talking to a counsellor to get some perspective on your fears.

Your mum, although controlling, sounds like she'll be there for you? Talk to her and tell her how you feel; you're right it isn't "normal" but it is very common, and she sounds like she knows that.

dizzymare Fri 24-Jul-09 20:27:18

Food for thought I guess LackaDAISYcal, thank you, things have been very difficult but I was managing that, dealing with practicalities of it and then wham.

I can't tell her all my thoughts, but she knows the basics which has been enough for her to come to this way of thinking, I have to say there's been times I've been almost biting my tongue wanting to spit it all out.
But, the thought of looking her in the face and seeing her possible reactions held me back.

LackaDAISYcal Fri 24-Jul-09 21:17:29

dizzy, she's your mum remember; she probably has more of an idea of how you really feel than you think smile

Now call that doc on Monday and talk to someone!

You can always CAT me if you want to talk off board as well smile

dizzymare Fri 24-Jul-09 22:08:12

She probably does, she's not thick that's for sure, but it's almost an unspoken rule in our family, if you've got a problem skirt round it firsthmm Being direct freaks us outblush

Thanks LackaDaisycal, I've been waiting for the multiples thread to appear in active convos, rather than finding it myself. I thought I could creep in without anyone noticingblush

LackaDAISYcal Fri 24-Jul-09 22:25:04

I'm like that where my well being is concerned. My MIL always asks how I am then follows it up with "if you say "fine" I'm going to slap you"

I hope that talking on here helps; I certainly wittered on about things to my thread buddies here before admitting things IRL......gotta love MN smile

dizzymare Fri 24-Jul-09 22:32:40


I've just had an email from FAQ, and in it she mentions health visitors, I think I could talk to mine about this. Infact I'd rather talk to her than my mum. I'd not even thought about talking to her, and she's very approachable, so all I need now is an ounce of braveryblush

LackaDAISYcal Fri 24-Jul-09 22:51:51

Yay FAQ......I never thought of your HV, but great news that you feel you can talk to her.

Can't believe I didn't think of it as our HV team has a mental health nurse attached to them and it's a great resource. She is always available on clinic days for anyone struggling and needing a chat and she spent a lot of time with me when I was at my worst, but I think that's an exception rather than the norm; not sure what it says about living in Leeds that it has great MH provision hmmwink

Another thought...are you getting enough sleep? things always seem soooo much bleaker and harder to deal with when I'm knackered.

FAQtothefuture Fri 24-Jul-09 22:58:15


(still here - can't actually tear myself away blush).

Still on the end of the email as well too though smile

FAQtothefuture Fri 24-Jul-09 22:58:52

actually no I'm not attaching myself to the end of the emails, what I mean is I'm still happy to receive emails from you and send them from my computer grin

madmissy Fri 24-Jul-09 23:04:34

just wanted to say that i have had both ante and post natal depression still have and its hard

dont understand much myself so cant offer advice other than take any support you can

i like you hated the pg and wld wake up wishing it was bad dream etc... so you are not alone in that thought. im now almost 19wks and things have gotten better.

keep your chin up and again help is there ask and take it

dizzymare Fri 24-Jul-09 23:09:32

I knew what you meantwink

So, if anyone has some spare bravery their not using or even if it's a little ragged round the edges I'm willing to make you an offer blush

dizzymare Fri 24-Jul-09 23:26:28

Oh and as for sleeping, no that's all over the place aswell, am almost an insomniac at the moment to the extent that I'm seriously dragging myself through the day. Although I did get a few hours sleep this afternoon while mum took ds out for a few hours, plus I've got tomorrow morning to myself whilst H has time with ds.

Deemented Sat 25-Jul-09 07:49:16

Hope you managed to get some rest last night, Dizzy.

Speaking to your HV sounds like a good idea - just take a deep breath and remember you can do it.

I'm not doing so good at the moment. Having a few doubts about the commitment of my DF. Maybe i'm just being paranoid, i dunno. I'm scared that he's not going to live up to everything he's promised me and that terrifies me.

dizzymare Sat 25-Jul-09 08:46:20

Deemented, I completely get where you're coming from, that scares me toosad. And I'm so sorry things aren't looking so good for you right now. Rant away, it's so bloody cathartic doing it on here you go for it!!

As for sleephmm

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