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am I being unreasonable?

(8 Posts)
Tluni Sun 19-Jul-09 13:31:12

I have been with my bf for 6.5yrs and have a dsd who is now 11, she stays with us once during the week and once at the weekend. I am now 15 weeks pregnant with my 1st, and unfortunately have an awful lot of very big stress in my life at the moment which I'm finding difficult to cope with, My bf is aware of this and has been supportive. However, this weekend I have been SO depressed. I have barely got out of bed. I made the effort yesterday when we picked dsd up and took her shopping for her school uniform, but found it really hard so went back to bed straight after. My bf kept her busy for the rest of the evening. Today he had arranged with her to go shopping with some money she had saved up then just before they were about to go it all started to come out...all my emotions about everything that I've been stressed about (the problem in my life is a very big deal)I was in bits and couldn't stop crying. He sat with me for 5 minutes but then said he had to go shopping with dsd. I got upset cos I didn't want to be on my own so he suggested I went with them but I was too upset (still am) and didn't want to make the day 'weird' he suggested I went for a walk or something but that was it, then he said he had to go and left. I felt awful anyway, but now I feel even worse as he's just left me bawling my eyes out, depressed as anything especially since I'm could he?! What do you think? Am I being unreasonable to think he could have said that they weren't going to be able to go shopping today, but that they would another day soon? It wasn't that important was it? Or am I being selfish?

Deemented Sun 19-Jul-09 13:41:06

I don't think you're being selfish, but i do think you are being a little unreasonable to think he should have cancelled taking his daughter shopping because you are upset. I'm presuming that he only sees his daughter at the weekend, and obviously what is worrying you is a big deal, so will still be an issue tomorrow, when his daughter is no longer there.

I hope you feel better soon.

LuluMaman Sun 19-Jul-09 13:43:52

he has a duty also to your stepdaughter... i can understand he was a bit torn.

i think if you are depressed to the point you are finding it hard to get out of bed, you need to see your GP, there are some Anti depressants suitable for pregnancy, and if there is a particualr issue, it might be good to get some counselling

your DH can;t make it better by staying in with you .. i think he was trying to be supportive but did not want to let his daughter down

from her POV she would have been upset that her shopping trip was cancelled so her dad could stay in with you

is there a friend or someone else you could confide in , who could come to keep you company

i think you should make a GP appointment urgently

Peoni Sun 19-Jul-09 14:12:58

Thanks for your replies. I'm already seeing a counsellor. I do appreciate what you are both saying and that is why I was so confused about it all, however I still could never have left anyone alone in the state I was in pregnant or not. When I was my dsd' age and my mum was pregnant if she got upset about something (much more minor than the issue I have) my stepdad just explained to me that she was pregnant and it was important for her not to get too upset, and we'd make her some tea and take her chocolates and stuff to try and cheer her up.

I've calmed down slightly now but I still feel sad about it.

Peoni Sun 19-Jul-09 14:13:26

PS I've changed my chat name!

LuluMaman Sun 19-Jul-09 14:16:29

it is not the responsibility of the children though to support their stepmum.. remember when you were young and how much fun a day out shopping was and how much you looked forward to it?

yes you are pregnant

yes you are depressed

but your husband and you have responsibilities towards DSD and you have to sometimes take a deep breath and move forward

onlyanauntie Sun 19-Jul-09 14:28:53

Peoni - I'm so sorry you're having a difficult time dealing with stressful things and feeling down.

Imagine for a moment how your dp must have felt though. He does not spend a great deal of time with his daughter, and probably felt quite torn between you both. Sometimes when people are feeling low and upset with themselves, it's best to be left alone for a short while, and this is what he may have thought.

I'm pregnant too, and as lovely as my dp has been, cooking lovely nutritious meals when I get in from work, and not minding when I go to bed at 9pm some nights...he still expects me to lead a pretty normal day-to-day life and get on with things, while we still have quite a way to go.

Tell him how you feel though, and listen to his side too. I hope you are feeling better.

Peoni Sun 19-Jul-09 15:08:53


I know, I'm normally so suportive of him having his daughter over too. I've been a step mum to her since she was 5 and it's more often than not me who suggests activities, hoidays, presents etc etc for her, I really like having her around. It was just this one time when I'm at my lowest ebb, I just needed some TLC myself. I did tell him that I didn't want to be on my own. Maybe I'm selfish. I don't expect her to be responsible for me or my wellbeing but I just could have done with some support from dp today with everything that is going on. I'm coping with a hell of a lot and for the most part on my own. It's unfortunate that it was today but I didn't plan it that way. I don't like being/feeling/acting like this.

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