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Not sure I want another baby

(8 Posts)
Gangle Fri 17-Jul-09 21:31:15

Got a faint but definite line on a test I did this morning (and just repeated) and my emotions are all over the place. DS is only 15 months now and I didn't want another child until he was at least 3 or even 4. My relationship with DH is in the process of breaking down and work really stressful. Just feel I have only just got my old life back and now I have to start over again with another pregnancy when this was really the last thing I wanted. Stupidly wasn't taking the pill properly (due to forgetfulness brought on my tiredess/stress/not knowing if I am coming or going) plus thought I wouldn't get pregnant whilst breastfeeding, especially as I wasn't having periods! At the same time just don't think I can go through with an abortion. No idea what to do for the best.

Gangle Sat 18-Jul-09 09:38:39


Sorry don't have any wise words. Is it possible to take a big breath and sit down for a couple of hours by yourself to work out what YOU want to do before telling DH? When you say your relationship with DH is breaking down and work is stressful are these things that could be helped with counselling?

imaynotbeperfectbutimokmummy Sat 18-Jul-09 10:11:00

The thing is, you ARE pregnant, congratulations! You can only turn this into a positive - if you feel already that you cannot terminate then that feeling will only get stronger. The shock will ease off and you will be pleased and happy and have a lovely little baby. I was devestated to find i was pregnant with DD2 after a 15 YEAR gap, i really did think i was getting my life back. Abortion was never a consideration as i am pro life (just personally, i would never judge another woman for her decision) . Of course DD2 is the best thing that happened to all of us.

The garden isn't always rosy, its put strain on our relationship big time, but in another way it has cemented it.

I second libras suggestion of some counselling, for you or both of you - it helps to have someone to bounce your feelings off.

Have you told your DH yet?

Gangle Sat 18-Jul-09 11:27:00

Have told DH. Thinking increasingly that I just can't go ahead with it although I will never forgive myself for having a termination. There are so many reasons not to have the baby. Feeling so emotional about it all and so sad because whatever happens it's going to change everything so much.

LuluMaman Sat 18-Jul-09 11:34:12

you do not have to continue with the pregnancy.

i suppose it depends what will take more of a toll and what will be more difficult

it is really difficult as you do want another child, but now is not a good time

i think you should maybe see your GP, ask for a referral to some counselling ASAP to decide whether to continue or not . i thik if you are considering termination, sooner rather than later is better in terms of procedure and recovery

what does DH think?

is the breakdwon irretrievable?>

will he support you if you have the baby and the marriage breaks down?

what is his attitude?

Gangle Sat 18-Jul-09 11:59:47

DH wants to continue with the pregnancy. However, part of the problem is that, in additional to being a bully and verbally abusive, he works ridiculous hours and is never around to help so keeping it is not a big deal for him; his life didn't really change when we had DS and is unlikely to change if we have another. I will do everything and will be pushed to breaking point, if I'm not already there. As for being irretrievable, it's my decision really as to whether I can put up with his behaviour. My decision before this happened was that I couldn't and that DS and I would be better off alone rather than in a situation with both parents hating each other and screaming at each other most days. Still can't believe I let this happen. So preventable. It's heartbreaking as my overwhelmning feeling is that I don't want and can't have a baby now but on the other than I love this little thing already and can't look at DS and how beautiful he is without thinking of this little one. DS was like this at some stage and would never have been if I had taken this step.

LuluMaman Sat 18-Jul-09 14:55:20

oh gangle sad what an awful dilemma

i suppose you need to think in terms then of coping as a lone parent of one or two. if DH is not hands on in teh day to day child rearing then you are sort of going it alone anyway. bringing anotehr baby into a marriage where you are bullied is not great. there is no easy answer, i suppose you hvae to think in terms of what is copeable with now , in 6 months time, in a years time etc etc..

take care xxx

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