Didn't know where else to put this.
I am 32, DH is 45. We've been married for 7 years and have two children - ages 4 yrs and 10 mths. I am 3 months pregnant with unplanned no.3. I was stunned but excited when I found out I was pregnant. DH wasn't exactly overjoyed initially, but he has come round to the idea and is now looking forward to our new arrival. However, he definitely, definitely doesn't want anymore. I don't either, although I am not as forceful in my assertion of this. My main reason is that this will be my third c-section, and I really can't see myself having a fourth. DH has a catalogue of reasons - the c-section thing, the fact that I suffer from a very serious pregnancy-related condition, and then the energy and money required to support each new child - all worry DH immensely.
Do you think he should have a vasectomy? Or should I be sterilised? (would they do that while I'm in theatre for my section?). We haven't discussed this at all yet, but the conversation has to be had. I have always been against such drastic actions, but seeing as there is no other way of being absolutely sure we won't have any more children, now I am reconsidering. However, I do have niggling doubts. What would you do?
I think DH and I will do one or the other after our second DC is born later this year. I am not so keen on sterilisation as I know several people who have said their periods have been really heavy after having had it done - not appealing - so I hope to convince DH it's his turn to take some responsibility! (BTW my SIL was sterilised at same time as C-section so yes it is possible.)
I'm not worried really about the fact that it makes things pretty final ito having any more - I am quite happy with two, don't personally feel I could manage more than that, and god forbid if anything should happen to one of mine, well I figure I've had my shot at parenthood and that would that.
If DH definitley sure he does not want more children I think he will feel a lot more psychlogically comfortable if he has a vasectomy.
Vasectomy is not 100% riskless, there are some rare but unpleasant side effects. It is not guaranteed to work (0.05% failure rate or 1 in 2000) but 10 times more reliable than tubal ligation in a woman (0.5% failure rate or 1 in 200).
Here is an interesting article on relative failure rates of vasectomy, sterilisation, etc. The numbers quoted are consistent with what I have read elsewhere.
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