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Being called "Fatty", acceptable or not?

(24 Posts)
Confuzzeled Thu 02-Jul-09 07:47:08

My step mother keeps calling me fatty and it sounds like an insult to me. I'm 32 weeks pregnant and have gained 2 stone, I'm not overweight anyway so I don't get it.

I don't have a great relationship with her, we get on okay for my Dad's sake. I'm meant to be meeting her today and I know the first thing she's going to say is "Hello Fatty".

HeadFairy Thu 02-Jul-09 07:49:34

Not ok... if she says hello fatty, come back with hello old bag!

ipiratethief Thu 02-Jul-09 07:51:25

If i were you, and i'd cared enough about the remark to ask on here, it would indicate that I had had quite enough of being called this. It's a personal thing, and if you don't like it, I'd say, 'can you stop calling me that'.

Wait for reaction, but don't react yourself iyswim. It may be enough to stop this if you just put it out there.

Kayzr Thu 02-Jul-09 07:51:41

Not ok!! Reply with something like "At least I have an excuse, yours is?"

Miamla Thu 02-Jul-09 07:54:26

my mum did this to me when i was pregnant. i kept telling her i didn't like it but she kept 'forgetting'. i sent her a letter telling her (she lives v close to me) and that had the desired effect!
so tell her, ask if she'd like to be called 'big nose' (this is assuming she doesn't have a big nose!)

HecatesTwopenceworth Thu 02-Jul-09 07:56:41

I think I agree with ipiratethief. The direct approach.

"I am not fat, I am pregnant. Please stop calling me fat."

Of course, she will come back with "What's wrong with you, hurumph, I was only joking"

To which you reply "No. A joke is where everyone is laughing."
or "I don't find being insulted funny to be honest"
or even "How passive aggressive of you. Insult me and then claim I'm unreasonable to be upset by it."

depends how bothered you are if she stops talking to you wink

differentID Thu 02-Jul-09 08:02:14

"hello sour faced witch" is an appropriate response I think.

if she sputters and get upset, explain that "it's only a joke"

Confuzzeled Thu 02-Jul-09 08:11:50

Thanks, so okay I'm not just being hormonal and sensitive.

I don't really care if I fall out with her but it'll upset my Dad so maybe I'll tell her subtly. She has put on quite a bit of weight as her menopause has started, she always tells me how she can't fit into her old clothes. So I know it's a subject she feels strongly about and I can't imagine her saying it without realising it's a nasty remark.

NellyNoKnicks Thu 02-Jul-09 08:13:14

Just tell her you find it offensive and that if she wouldn't appreciate it.

One of my friends kept calling me it during my pregnancy, so I ended up ignoring her for most of it. You dont need that sort of 'support', IME your body is going through so many changes and can make you feel really insecure, you dont need someone else making you feel even more crap about it.

Miamla Thu 02-Jul-09 08:13:51

differentID's got the best idea!

NellyNoKnicks Thu 02-Jul-09 08:14:01

Sorry that if she was pregnant she wouldn't appreciate being called it.

HecatesTwopenceworth Thu 02-Jul-09 08:16:48

oh, if she is fat, then maybe say "I know I have put on a bit but in my case it's being pregnant that's done it. Tell you what, after the baby is born, maybe we could go to weightwatchers together" and look at her tummy! grin

laurawantsababy Thu 02-Jul-09 08:56:31

I had it all the time when I was pg with dd. I used to say 'at least I have an excuse' It soon shut people up!

Confuzzeled Thu 02-Jul-09 09:55:15

Hecates grin

crokky Thu 02-Jul-09 09:57:50

Does she say it in front of anyone else? If so, she'll be making herself look really stupid.

Confuzzeled Thu 02-Jul-09 10:01:09

Yeah, she says it in front of my Dad and sister. My sister has serious weight issues and picked up on it straight away. She doesn't get on with my step mum at all so she didn't say anything so she wouldn't start a fight. My Dad didn't even notice, I don't think it would even register with him.

scratchet Thu 02-Jul-09 10:02:48

I think it is so mean. Not surprised you don't like it.

I would look her up and down in a really obvious manner and say "hello fatter"

I would then say "come on, i need to find some maternity clothes then perhaps we could go to evans for you?"

If you don't feel like saying either of the above then a simple "piss off" should suffice!

lastboxoftampons Thu 02-Jul-09 10:57:34

Totally unacceptable. If you want to be witty about Hecates has some great ones! grin But if you go the direct route you might say I'm not fat, I'm pregnant. Are you deliberately trying to hurt my feelings?

insertwittynicknameHERE Thu 02-Jul-09 11:13:38

My step FIL does exactly this and then claims he is 'only joking' when someone says something to him about it.

It is annoying, my weight has never bothered me (I'm about 3 stone overweight) I eat healthy, take regular exercise. In fact the only time I seem to loose any weight is when I am pg hmm work that one out grin

I have no words of advice though as I no longer deal with or have anything to do with my step FIL for other reasons <utter bliss emoticon>

I like the idea from another poster to write her a letter, it may help drive the point home. I also like Hecates, "How passive aggressive of you. Insult me and then claim I'm unreasonable to be upset by it."
I am gonna remember that one grin

MustHaveaVeryShortMemory Thu 02-Jul-09 11:48:02

Rude. How about "I'm glad its only temporary" although would be tempted with "I'm pregnant whats your excuse?". Or "Are you calling me fat as a joke or are you being deliberately rude?"

Confuzzeled Thu 02-Jul-09 12:27:08

I love that one "I'm glad it's only temporary". It can be said so nicely it's hardly a come back at all, but it'll make her think.

Pomi Thu 02-Jul-09 13:40:10

Mil said only thin person standing there is my Bil that means she,Dh,bil2 and i am fat. First there are right but i am not fat but pregnant. Thankfully she did not say that again.

KatyS36 Thu 02-Jul-09 17:52:44

I would hate this, although I appreciate people have different boundaries.

It sounds like you want this to stop, but don't want to cause a scene, for the sake of family relationships.

On this basis I would calmly say 'I don't like being called that and would like you to stop'. Then don't say anything. If she just laughs it off, calmly repeat.

This way you're saying what you want to happen, without putting a judgement on her if that makes sense.

If that doesn't work, I'd go for the letter, or even asking your husband or dad to say the same to her.

If all that didn't work I'd just avoid her.

Good luck

dal21 Thu 02-Jul-09 18:18:07

Not acceptable. One bit.

But dont fall to her level. Tell her outright how offensive & hurtful you find it.

A lovely (but rather blunt) work colleague said the same to me when I was pregnant with DS. I calmly responded that I knew she didnt mean to offend me, but that I found her comment very offensive.

She was very apologetic.

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