Unplanned, miscarriage, planned and confused.

[makingdotoo]

Its probably my hormones, I get very insane in the first 12 weeks. But anyways.

I had a son 8 months ago. I have two girls too and thought that was my family complete. However nearly 3 months ago, i found out i was pregnant again after taking the morning after pill. DH and I were pretty horrified, talked about termination (especially as we were concerned the Morning after pill might have caused some sort of deformities), spent a good week crying one minute, trying to convince ourselves it would be fine the next. By the end of the week we decided we wanted the baby, that termination just could never be an option anyways, and even began to get excited about it.

Towards the end of the following week i began to bleed and another week after that, on my eldests birthday i lost the baby at 7 weeks gone. I actually had something to bury in the garden without going into details.

I was devastated and convinced i had made myself miscarry with all the negative thoughts previous to deciding we wanted the baby. Within a few weeks, i decided i wanted another baby. In hindsight i think i was just in total shock to what had happened and thought getting pregnant again was the answer.

So nearly 3 months on, I am now 5 weeks pregnant. And on one hand i am totally over the moon, so excited. On the other, all these doubts have come rushing in. What if i lose this one? What will people say...i live in a tiny little town and already have 3 kids under 5. Will i manage to get them all to school on time (none in school yet, two oldest starting preschool in august). What if i cant cope? Have i been really silly?

My DH is so much more level headed than me, he is not worried, is very excited. I feel i cant say to him i have gotton myself all worried and nervous, because he will think badly of me for it.

Is there anyone else out there, whom feels confused like me? One minute i am panicing there might be blood when i go to the loo, the next i am panicing about having a baby and not being able to manage.

[happyjules]

Firstly, congratulations. It must be very hard for you at the moment as so much has happened recently.
Don't get caght up thinking what other people might think. This is your family's business. I too felt guilt for wanting more than two children when I miscarried earlier this. I would have three, five years and under. Yes, you will be very busy for quite a while but you will be fine, but still give your self time to grieve for the one you lost.

[alana39]

My situation isn't quite the same, but last year I found out I was pregnant at 7-8 weeks (had been on the progesterone only pill so was a real shock). We hadn't ruled out having a third child, but it still took time to come to terms with it and had just about got my head round it when I went for dating scan at 12 weeks only to find out that baby had stopped growing at 8. So basically I probably found out just as missed miscarriage took place.

Then planned to get pregnant and am now 21 weeks - the first few weeks were really hard, as I was half expecting to lose it again, wondering if I was just too old for this and what the effect was on other kids as I was in a bad mood / feeling awful most of the time. Then started to bleed slightly and realised just how desperate I was for it to all be alright this time.

I don't even have the excuse of having a baby to look after like you do, as mine are 6 and 4. Anyway, as you say hormones don't help, and it may just take more time to get used to it all when you've got so much else going on. As HappyJules says, don't worry about what other people think - you will find a way to cope with school runs etc and you'll have a lovely big family. Try talking to your DH, someone level headed but excited might be able to make you feel better about it. Good luck.

[makingdotoo]

Thanks ladies, i think it was just an attack of hormones yesterday as i have been back to my normal excited self today. I think its possibly just a fear of losing this baby. I did a clear blue conception test today though and got 3+ weeks, i never got that with my last pregnancy, so i think thats gone some way to reassure me a little and quash the uptightness a bit.

[brettgirl2]

I think lots of people have doubts of some kind (I did!). You'll be fine and congratulations.