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MMC - have you had one, how are you coping with this pregnancy?

(19 Posts)
whatsthetimemrwolf Fri 19-Jun-09 19:11:19

Hi, I had a missed m/c in April which was picked up at my 11 week scan. I had no bleed and there was no signs of a baby at my scan although my HcG levels still showed I was pregnant. I was told that I probably m/c early in the pregnancy and that the HcG levels can stay in your system for up to 6 weeks post m/c.

I'm now 3+2 weeks pregnant and feel like a paranoid nervous wreck! I'm not sure how I'm going to get through the next few weeks. I'm interested in hearing other peoples stories. How have you managed to stay calm in your current pregnancy? When did you go for a scan? Thanks.

MrsHappy Fri 19-Jun-09 19:21:34

I'm sorry about your previous loss.

Don't know about how to cope- you just do!

But I had a scan at 4+4 to confirm location (had a previous ectopic) and then the consultant, bless him, offered me another scan at 8 weeks on the basis that he knew I would be stressing otherwise. I think a scan at around 8/9 weeks is a good idea if you can get one because if the baby has a heartbeat at that point then the chances are it will be ok (although not guaranteed of course). I also think that waiting to 12/13 weeks would be very hard in your shoes.

I've found though that even the scans just confirm that the baby is ok that day - they don't remove the worry and two days later I am always worried again. It is only now I am over 20 weeks that I am thinking of the baby as a certainty.

I hope it works out for you. Please just focus on the fact that it is not likely you will have another MMC. The odds are that your pregnancy will be absolutely fine.

MrsHappy Fri 19-Jun-09 19:23:17

Oh, I forgot to say, I haven't had a MMC, (ectopics and earlier MC only) but of course have had those awful scans where all goes quiet. That's why I wanted to answer your post. smile.

Liskey Sat 20-Jun-09 13:17:22

I had a mmc last August (picked up early after a tiny bleed at 6 weeks) and am now 10 weeks pregnant today. I'm very stressed about another mc or mmc - so much so I was even googling private scans yesterday - as I haven't been offered an ealy scan this time. I'm also trying to keep my fingers crossed that all will be ok this time.

At my booking in my midwife told me I'd probably be a nervous wreck about this, all through this pregnancy and that was perfectly normal.

I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you too.

wook Sat 20-Jun-09 14:02:51

Like LiskeyI had a mmc last August- was 9 weks but baby stopped growing at 6, then another, but much earlier, mmc in Dec. Needless to say, from the minute I found out I was pregnant again this Feb up until my 20 week scan, which was on Monday this week, I was in a state of barely supressed terror!
It eased slightly after 12 weeks, those first weeks were by miles the hardest. I just counted my blessings at the end of each day I notched up, and took solace in the fact that I felt 'properly' pregnant - ie horribly sick!(which I hadn't done all the way through with the mmc- I kind of knew something was a bit wrong there)
But most of all, I hassled and hassled for early scans. It took a couple of very weepy visits to the doctor and some weepy calls to the midwife at around 5-6 weeks - they all kept saying that a reassurance scan was out of the question. I kept trying though and to my joy, one of the midwives cracked and finally referred me to the EPAC for a 7 week scan. They then had me back for a 9 week scan, where I got to see a proper bean shape with a real heartbeat.
I firmly believe that having these scans took all the pressure off me and perhaps even helped me to have a successful early pregnancy. They were hard going, sitting in the EPAC waiting room brought back horrible memories and I couldn't even bring myself to look at the screen the first time, but I think they were the only cure for the feelings of terror and dread I was having. Is there any way you could get one?
I agree with MrsHappy to an extent though, the early scans just lift the worry a little, although I also found it was easier getting though the days with a firm scan date in mind to work towards.
The pregnancy after miscarriage thread on here was really helpful too, even though I only lurked.
Miscarriages are bloody awful! But please don't let your past loss spoil the joy of this pregnancy- there's every reason it will work out as MrsHappy said. Good luck!

sifuentes Sat 20-Jun-09 17:39:57

Exactly the same here. Only difference was that MC'ed at 11 weeks and bean measured about 6. scans at 7 and 9 weeks. second one private. basically agree with the whole of wook's post. am now 10 weeks and still throwing up a lot sso pretty confident now that this one is a goer but it has taken until now to feel like this. Now i am just longing to get to the post-nausea blooming bump stage. i am so over feeling like death warmed up.
sorry for crappy typing. just been sick and feel sick again. [feeling soorry for self emoticon]

BeckyBendyLegs Sat 20-Jun-09 19:57:52

I've had one DS, one missed MC at 12 weeks, another DS, another missed MC at 11 weeks, and now 19 weeks pregnant. This time around I was anxious about another MC but just took one day at a time and kept telling myself that there was nothing I could do: it was either going to be ok or it was not and there was nothing I could do about it or to change what was going to happen. I was too scared to ask for an early scan! I just couldn't do it in case it was bad news. I just wanted to take each day, each week, as it came and in that way got through the 12 weeks, keeping myself busy and distracted. At my 12-week scan I was really nervous and nearly told them not to scan me so the relief when I saw a baby wriggling around on the screen was huge and I wish that you get the same feeling when you have a scan. Good luck and I understand how you must be feeling right now.

whatsthetimemrwolf Sat 20-Jun-09 22:05:33

Thank you so much for your posts everyone.

MrsHappy - Sorry to hear about your previous ectopic & mc but congrats on this pregnancy. Good idea about trying for an 8/9 week scan.

Liskey - I've got my fingers crossed for you too. You must be due for your scan soon? Please post to let me know how you get on.

Wook - congrats on reaching 20 weeks, it must be a huge relief. I hope you enjoy the second half of your pegnancy. I have 2 DC and had pretty much symptom free pregnancies with them both. During my last pregnancy I didn't have any symptoms other than tiredness (right up to when I found out about MMC)and again I have no symptoms other than tiredness and feeling v emotional. I previously thought I was very lucky to have no sickness but now desperately wish I was sick so I could notice any changes. I have suffered from depression in the past so would hope my GP would offer me an early scan.

Sifuentes - I'll also be keeping my fingers crossed for you, please post how your pregnancy progresses. Am sure your sickness feels awlful now but it must be reassuring for you.

BeckyBendyLegs - Goodness me you have had a hard time with 2 mmc so close to your "safe" time. Congatulations on reaching 19 weeks. I think you are right about just getting through each day, I am trying my best.

Although I am trying to keep busy, at the back of my mind I constantly seem to be thinking of mmc, looking for signs, expecting it to happen, hoping it won't. I can't believe that I had never even heard of mmc until April this year. I haven't told anyone about pregnancy yet other than DP(obviously v early days anyway) but I know those closest to me will guess soon but I don't want to admit to being pregnant because that would make a loss even more real. Thank you again for sharing you experiences, it has helped me feel that I am not alone. I'm sorry to hear what you've all been through but happy to hear that you are coming through at the other end. Good luck with you pregnancies. x

pootlepod Sat 20-Jun-09 22:17:08

I had a MMC last time, baby stopped growing at about 5 weeks but it took until 9 weeks before I bled and knew something was wrong and then I MC at 11 weeks.

I am now about 30 weeks pregnant but have found this pregnancy very hard (mentally). Like some others had said I took it a day at a time, sometimes even an hour! I also had a 'brisk bleed' at 7 weeks which I got a scan for and saw a little baby but even then it felt too early as I knew through other's stories that a few more weeks could make a big difference. It seemed like those weeks were full of milestones, to get to 9 weeks, to get to booking in with the midwife (that evening previously was when I started to bleed with the MMC), to get to 11 weeks where I miscarried.

I also had a lot more symptoms this time whereas they were reasonably absent last time. However the worry must have been etched on my face as a few friends of friends were worried as I looked so down for a few weeks as I approached the 8-12 weeks mark.

It seemed lots of people said after their 12 weeks they started to relax but it personally took me a lot longer than that. Again, I just reminded myself to take it one day at a time.

I'm still a little nervous now at 30 weeks, having had a MMC I now know nothing is set in stone in pregnancy. I've found it hard to 'complain' in this pregnancy about any niggles because I feel I should just be grateful to get here, believe me I am but it would be nice to feel allowed to complain about aching bumps etc.

Another thing is that the early pregnancy part took its toll on my DH too, I didn't realise this until after the 12 week scan but he was worried about things going wrong too but had to keep a big brave face onto help me.

I think that's it's totally normal to feel whatever you feel and my advice (as it is with everything) is to try and get through it anyway you can. Be prepared to think differently one minute to the next but try as hard as you can to stay busy, and positive.

SheWillBeLoved Sat 20-Jun-09 23:18:22

First pregnancy ended in a MMC. Found out at our 12 week scan. Absolutely devastated. As it was my first pregnancy I was completely oblivious to what was normal and not normal in terms of symptoms. The fact that they started to disappear at what must have been around 8-9 weeks didn't even register with me until the midwife asked after we found out whether I still had sore boobs etc.

This pregnancy (now 36 weeks) has been terrifying for me. Had a big bleed/cramps at 6 weeks which is when I first found out I was pregnant. And since then - I've had no symptoms of pregnancy. Knowing that my symptoms disappearing last time was not a good sign, and having none this time has driven me absolutely insane. I've spent mornings willing myself to be sick, and poking my boobs until they were sore from that and not being pregnant!

Thankfully everything has been fine this time, and I still can't believe our luck. Even now, at 36 weeks, I'm not fully relaxed and still some days panic if I don't feel as many movements as I like, or worry that something will go wrong at birth seeing as it didn't during the pregnancy.

Congratulations on your pregnancy and I hope it all works out this time

mum2jai Sun 21-Jun-09 01:04:15

I had a MMC last June at 20+5 weeks - they discovered at the anomaly scan that my baby had died a couple of weeks before. He was my fourth child and my three other pregnancies had been perfect so it was quite a shock. We never had a reason for his death which made it very hard when I got pregnant again. I kept thinking there's something wrong with me they haven't been able to diagnose, which means it'll happen again.

I am now 24 weeks pregnant. They scanned me very early to check all was going well, then eased off a bit, and now they are scanning me more frequently again (though that's in part because I am now the grand old age of 40!). I confess that although my obstetrician was dead against it, I got a fetal doppler. I understand why she isn't keen - it can be hard to find the heartbeat esp early on but luckily we have been able to find it, even if it's taken a while, from about 14 weeks, which really helped. I also found that when I got past the 20 week scan and could really start feeling the baby move reliably, I felt more reassured. I'm nowhere near as relaxed as I was with my other pregnancies and won't truly relax til the baby is in my arms but I think as each week progresses and each milestone is passed it gets easier. So many of my friends who have had miscarriages have said that they relaxed when they got past the time the miscarriage happened. Best of luck. I hope that you are able to feel more relaxed soon.

Thandeka Sun 21-Jun-09 09:06:20

Hello,
Sorry to hear about your MMC. I had one at 10 weeks in April and am now just over 7 weeks pregnant again (got pregnant without break in between) to be honest up until now I have been fine-ish as this pregnancy feels different- constant nausea and vomiting everyday so am hopeful for this one. Had a scare at 5 weeks with a bit of spotting and pain on right hand side so had to go to A&E scan showed in right place but no heartbeat yet and blood tests showed HCG doubling properly and scan at 7weeks showed heartbeat but am a bit worried is a bit small for my dates. Am having another reassurance scan at 9 weeks. (Would only have got the one had it not been for the scare- but my hospital have been brilliant and are very supportive). Am kind of getting worried now though as my vomiting had started to be daily first thing in the morning but yesterday I wasn't sick at all and today I haven't been sick yet either. I still feel nauseous and tired with sore boobs though so am holding onto that. Thing is with my MMC my symptoms massively faded at 7 weeks so I suspected something was up then so I am having a bit of a panic now. Am counting the days to my 9 weeks scan and praying it has grown sufficiently.
The pregnancy after miscarriage and the 4 weeks and bricking it thread have been great sources of support for me.

Good luck.
xxx

GracieGirl Sun 21-Jun-09 18:16:13

Hello!

Sorry to hear of your MMC. I had a MMC found at a scan at 10 weeks in february, the baby had stopped growing at 6.5 weeks. I'd had what seemed like a normal pregnancy up until then (nausea, vomiting, tiredness, bloaty) so it was quite a shock.
Today I am 7 weeks pregnant and I'm in complete denial. My GP has tried to get me a scan at 9 weeks but I've heard nothing, I can't wait till 12 weeks I'll have gone mad by then. I'm going to pay for a private scan sometime in the next week as I'm completely sure of my dates (my DH works away so I know when we had sex) so if it hasn't developed a heartbeat by now it isn't going to.

I have told a close friend and my mum that I'm pregnant just because I'll need support if it goes wrong again as my DH works away.

RubyF Sun 21-Jun-09 18:38:04

Hello, very sorry for your loss and I can completely empathise. Had a MMC in Dec and was devastated. Took me a while for all the bleeding to stop but now am preg again at 9 wks. I had some cramps on Thus eve which completely freaked me out and phoned the EPU who thankfully immediately booked me for ascan yesterday. I had an awful day on Fri worrying but thankfully all went well yesterday and so I feel relieved but I agree with the other messages in that you constantly worry, but I think this is only natural.

I think you do havr to take things one day at a time and try to be positive which I know is much harder in reality.

Best of luck x

SweetPea99 Mon 22-Jun-09 13:09:43

Hello, very sorry for your loss, just wanted to add that no amount of worrying is going to change the outcome, so try not to ruin this pregnancy for yourself - there really is nothing you can do about it. Also, I don't think that there is any way that you can 'be prepared'. Being prepared will not make the hurt any easier if things do go wrong - so why try to prepare yourself? I hope that doesn't sound too simplistic, but what I am trying to say is, just try your absoloute best to think positive.

Hijack Hi MumtoJai, Glad to hear that you are now pregnant again and past the 20 week barrier. I am now 39 weeks with my first (eeek) - I won't believe it until she arrives, but so far things are looking good. I got a doppler too, and it helped massively - especially going into the 20 week scan knowing that I had heard the heartbeat that morning.
Best of luck to all.

whatsthetimemrwolf Tue 23-Jun-09 07:19:01

Hi, I'm so sorry to hear of the deadful experiences you have all had. I sincerely wish you all the best of luck!

On a separate issue, when you count the number of weeks pregnant you are, do you count from conception date or how the docs count it i.e plus 2 weeks?

Pootlepod - a good point about DH. I haven't spared much thought to DP (awlful partner I am blush!) and think subconciously I've been distancing myself from him as I feel he doesn't understand how hard I'm finding this. Maybe he's also trying to be be strong for me. SweetPea99 has a good point that worrying will not change the outcome and i'm sure the same can be said about moaning about pregnancy niggles etc. I think at 30 weeks you thoroughly deserve the right to have a moan! Good luck & I hope you enjoy your last 10 weeks.

Shewillbeloved - I totally understand the "willing yourself to be sick, sore boobs etc". I had a bad day yesterday mentally as I didn't feel tired so was convinced the baby must have died. I'm 4 + 2 weeks today, have woken feeling a litle queasy and boobs are a little tingly so am happy! You should use your last few weeks pre-birth to indulge yourself, trips to the hairdressers, soaks in the bath, reading magazines etc. I hope the birth goes well, theres no reason it shouldn't!

mum2jai - I can't imagine how hard that must have been, losing your baby at that stage of the pregnancy. Congratulations on this pregnancy and I hope all goes well for you.

Thandeka - I hope you are still feeling nauseous and that all is well. I will have a look at those threads, thanks. Good luck to you as well!

Graciegirl - any news on your scan? I hope that you manage to cope with the next few days/weeks until you get a scan and that you don't need the support of your mum/friend!

RubieF - sorry to hear of your scare but glad that it was all well. Good luck!

Sweetpea99 - every time I start to panic I will try to think of what you have said about worrying not changing the outcome. Good luck with the birth and your new baby!

GracieGirl Tue 23-Jun-09 09:12:42

whatsthetime The number of weeks pregnant you are is from the first day of your last period. That's because its not all about that sperm you know! It counts the 2 weeks the womb spent preparing itself and the egg ripening and ovulating too.

whatsthetimemrwolf Tue 23-Jun-09 11:18:14

Thanks GracieGirl! I should know that as I already have 2 children! Whoopee, that means I'm almost 6 weeks!

lastboxoftampons Tue 23-Jun-09 11:53:36

Hello!

I had a MMC a year ago in March. I was about 11 weeks when I started to spot a bit, went in for a scan and there was no heartbeat, baby measured only a little over 7 weeks sad We had sen a heartbeat at 6+3.

I'm now 35+4 with my second pregnancy. It's been hard, I still think about that first baby and when I see people who have babies who are 8 months or so, I think that would've been us sad But we're very excited about our impending arrival smile

I did have a bit of nausea beginning around 6 weeks with this pregnancy, which kind of kept me going. I tried to hold off on having an early scan, seeing as I had one last time and it didn't really make much difference - so I went in at about 8 weeks (the local EPU was really lovely about doing a reassurance scan), DH came with me and all looked good. The technician told me that at that point in the pregnancy, coupled with the measurements of the fetus, I had about a 2% chance of miscarrying again. I was reassured by that. I think that thinking positively does help - the day before my scan I was sure it all went wrong again, but then I thought why am I not giving this baby a chance? Why am I underestimating him before he's even here? Sounds silly, but it gave me a few hours reassurance and got me through. You have to remember that your body WANTS to have this baby and to do it right - your chances of carrying a baby to term are ALWAYS better than your chances of miscarrying. When the technician told me 2%, I reversed it and thought OK, there's a 98% chance that everything will be okay.

It does get easier. It might not be magic after the 12 week scan - I was still worried after that point, but you do start to ease into it and believe that it actually will happen. Things got easier for me when I started to feel the little guy with some consistency. Now I can SEE his movement! LOL grin

Anyway, I agree with the others, I'm not sure there's any magic solution, you just have to get through it. Take care of yourself! Congratulations on your pregnancy and best wishes for a very uneventful 8 months! smile

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