Afraid of Hyperemisis again in a second pregnancy(18 Posts)
I have a wonderful 5 year old son for whom both my husband and I would love to provide a brother or sister. The main hurdle to this is that I had quite serious Hyperemisis (excessive vomiting and nausea) pretty much throughout my first pregnacy and this was frankly hideous! I lost weight, was hospitalised to re-hydrate twice and the rest of the time could hardly move (or I'd be sick). I was off work for months, my husband at first quite sympathetic at times thought I was being hysterical and a hypochondriac and after a couple of months was sick (ha, ha) of me being depressed and miserable and our relationship became very difficult. By the time our son arrived I was incredibly tired and quite ill and found recovering from the birth (which was fairly difficult too, I was even sick during that!) very hard. We've worked very hard at putting our marriage back together since and we now have a happy family life with our son but are both worried that a life without siblings can be lonely for him, both now and in the future. I have a close relationship with my brother and sister and wouldn't be without that. I know that Hyperemisis(HG) is quite likely to reccur in subsequent pregnancies and am really afraid of nine more months of hell (it really is that bad), and of the repercussions to my son and to my relationship.
Does anyone else have a similar experience? Has your family survived a hyperemisis pregancy? Can anyone offer any advice?
Hi, I just wanted to let you know that I too had really bad HG and had to be rehydrated twice, couldnt do anything and spent much of my time in bed with a bowl by my side. However you might not be as bad the second time, as im pregnant with my second and had a bit of sickness from 6 weeks til about 14 but now it has calmed right down and I feel quite normal and can do most things i normally do.
Can completely understand your misgivings, having had hyperemesis for both my preganancies - 4 years apart.
One of the reasons for the gap was the hyperemesis, didn't think I could go through that again.
It was worse second time for me - in hospital 4 times, also throwing up right up to and on the day I gave birth.
As soon as she was born, it didn't matter any more - it had stopped!
Thing is, if you know you're likely to be ill, talk to your DH about it and how it could affect you, in advance - get support ready in case you are ill, that sort of thing.
Dd1 saw me ill and came to see me in hospital and I hated that because she'd never seen me ill before, but she doesn't even remember that now. I had times when I wanted it all to stop - I lost a great deal of weight and was very weak - but it's knowing it comes to an end that kept me going. DH was fanastic, though. Maybe you could get your DH to read up about hyperemesis so he sees it's a real thing and not just a touch of morning sickness. A Dr told me stress makes it worse, so you do need to be calm and supported.
So, the answer is we survived, but with help from family and friends and in the certain knowledge we'd get through it unscathed and it wasn't harming the baby.
Hope it goes ok for you
You must be so relieved! I hope you have a great rest of pregnancy. How many weeks are you now?
Oh you poor thing...fwiw, I have had two HG pregnancies but mine tended to ease off before about 5 months. I also didn't really do the vomming, just the extreme incapacitating nausea - but it was still bad enough to be classed as HG.
I had managed to convince myself it wasn't that bad in the four years between mine, and although it was bad again the second time I coped somehow.
I was on my own without a partner as he ditched us when I became pg, so that made it harder as far as coping with ds went, but easier in terms of not having anyone around to annoy!! Except my mother - who has never forgiven me
I understand how you feel, and my sympathies are with you - I'd be asking DH exactly what he is prepared to go through if he believes a sibling is a good idea, that way you have a sort of agreement in place so that he can't have a go at you iyswim.
Thanks for your message. Yes, it's the knowledge that it has a definite end that keeps you going isnt' it?! And once my former GP had reassured me that my baby was ok I was less stressed and possibly slightly less sick. My current GP has suggested that I had HG because I didn't really want to be pregnant (my son was conceived a little earlier than planned but was very much wanted) which has caused me much soul-searching and heart-ache and which I really don't think is true but I was wondering if there is a proven psychological element? As I'm now trepidatious about another pregnancy I was worried that this could cause the symptoms to be worse.
DH is not good with 'illness' of any kind. He's not actively mean (!)he just cannot express sympathy or empathy very effectively. Having said that he's good with my son when he's ill so maybe there's some hope! You're right. Gathering support in advance and preparing for the worst is probably the best way to proceed.
Thanks again for your positive story and I'm glad things worked out well for you.
i am 33 weeks pg with dc2 (ds is 2.7), having had awful HG in my first pregnancy like you i was full of trepidation about getting pg again..
although i was hospitalised twice with HG in my first pg til about 6 months all the doctors i saw (inc GP) did not prescribe me anything useful.
This time around when i started being sick at about 7 weeks my GP prescribed Avomine which is actually a really mild anti-sickness drug that you can buy over the counter when not pg. This helped me HUGELY - waaay more than i could have expected. Although i had awful nausea and did have days when i was sick a lot, i was actually able to get some food, and more importantly drink, inside me which had been such a problem in my first pg. I stopped taking the Avomine at 22 weeks and although i then felt worse again for a couple of weeks, the last couple of months i have felt pretty much ok and actually hungry quite a bit!
Don't get me wrong - it was a horrible few months feeling so crap and trying to look after my toddler son but it was survive-able, esp with the help of cbeebies .
And i am not sure if others would find avomine so helpful??
I would just add though that my dh has been v supportive indeed and without that i am not sure i would have coped - we don't have any family nearby so he picked up a lot of slack..
all the best in your decision-making x
Hi Flappycake (love the name!) and thanks to you too. I'm sorry that you have suffered too but am so inspired by your story of coping alone with HG (with some help from your mum My mum and dad were also my back-up first time around and I virtually moved into my parent's place after I came out of hospital as I was SO weak. Sadly my parents have now moved to another country (maybe because of that!) and so won't be around to help out if we do go through HG again. I do have great friends but I'm not sure that that would be enough if it got really bad. And as my DH is a teacher it's really hard him to get time off to look after me or to do school runs etc. I think people would probably rally around but you don't know that until you're there do you?
I wish I'd found Mumsnet during the last pregnancy as it's great hearing others experiences and knowing that you're not alone.
josephine when I read your op, parts of it were as if I had written it.
Just a quick reply as I have to go to work, will be back later.
I had severe hg with dd1, the in hospital sort like you describe. She is 5 now. I don't exaggerate when I say it was a traumatic and horrendous experience.
When she was 3 I decided to risk another dc. I conceived straight away, a miracle in a way because psychologically I am not sure I could have carried on trying such was my fear of hyperemesis.
With dd2 I did have quite bad morning sickness, lasting most of the morning and at other times. (it hit from just over 4 weeks but I was over the worst by about 15 weeks).
This time I was able to manage it. I was only sick at the most 3 times in the morning. I kept eating every 1-2 hours if I felt nauseous. It wasn't nice, BUT there was no comparison between the "normal/severe" morning sickness and the hyperemesis. I did have some slight episodes of fainting second time round but didn't need any time off work.
obviously none of us can guarantee what will hhappen if you decide to have a second child. I'd just like to wish you lots of luck really. I always post on hyperemeis threads when I see them as it is so hard to imagine what it is like if you haven't been through it before. xx
I'm with Fairylights - DRUGS!! I had hg in my first pg - although not hospitalised was sick round the clock with constant nausea for first 4 months and off work. Barely left the house actually apart from drs visits. When I was pg second time DS was about 2. I began being sick very early on and knew I wouldn't be able to cope with toddler and hg so went to my GP. I refused to leave until she prescribed me something. I had phenergan (an antihistimine also used ofr travel sickness) It was fantastic, although it did make me very drowsy. I was still sick several times, but it did stop the constant nausea. By the way DD is now nearly 5 and showing no signs of any side effects! Have a chat with your GP and see if this is an option ofr you. Of course you may not even feel sick this time.
Thank you all for your support, best wishes and your stories.
I did get some anti-sickness medication last time, after about 4 months I was desperate and (asides from the worry that it could hurt the baby) it actually seemed to make me worse Looks as if there are several others to try should things become very bad though which is reassuring. The HG websites also suggest hypnosis which, though expensive, supposedly reduces your stress levels and therefore your symptoms. Anyone tried that?
Re: the psychological element -
People used to think that morning sickness was the mother's attempt to expel an unwanted pregnancy, but this view is no longer held by most drs nowadays. So your GP was wrong to suggest you could be in some roundabout way causing the excessive nausea. I can imagine that hearing this view expressed would only further add to your stress.
I had HG in my first pregnancy (my daughter is now 3 months old) and would really like to have another baby in a few years' time, but I'm too scared of not being able to look after myself while having my daughter to look after during the day.
josephineamy - I have a DS (3.2) and a DD (1.2). Both were terrible hyperemesis pgs.
I was totally unable to look after my DS or myself when I was pg with DD. I had to move in with my mum for the entire pg so she could look after the pair of us. The only way to look at it is that the pregnancy is 9 months and you will get better afterwards. It is a horribly dark and upsetting 9 months. I spent most of the time in a darkened room sitting in bed. I didn't notice the seasons changing even I was so broken. If I had to do it again (I'm not!) and I didn't have my mum, I would need to get a nanny to look after my children whilst I was pregnant.
I'm sorry, hyperemesis really is horrible.
I'm in the process of doing this for a third time. Although this will definately be the last as it's such a miserable experience. You managed to get through it once so if if's something you do choose to do together, then you'll know you can get through it together. I had a very tearful conversation with my DH at 5 weeks pregnant as I knew it was the last time that my DH would actually see me as me, rather than the hormonal sick wreck that I become about. We have a great marriage but openly admit that the hardest time for both of us have been while I've been pregnant. As long as you both go into it with your eyes open you'll get out the other end. Good luck with whatever you choose
Thank you all for your messages and for sharing your experiences. It's really helped me remember what HG was like the first time so if I go ahead again I'll be doing it with my eyes open. I'm going to chat to my GP and DH and then do some serious thinking!! xx
I am watching with interest, as I had horrendous HG with DS last year. I was hospitalised 4 times, for between 48hrs and 2 weeks 2 days. Had huge support from DH though, he even missed his best mate's stag do for me. DS is gorgeous, but I am not sure he'll ever have any siblings. I just am not ready ever to be pg again - don't knwo if that will ever change.
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