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Midwife should be slapped and nearly was!

(61 Posts)
dyzzidi Tue 10-May-05 14:16:43

I had a missed miscarriage in Sept and have been awaiting IVF due to gynae problems for some time however I have just found out I am Pregnant[grin[

I went for my first midwife Appointment on Friday to arrange an early scan as instructed by my GP, when I got there I had seen this midwife in Sept so felt quite comfortable. there was also a nurse in the room with us. I sat down and she barely scanned my notes and said 'oh I'm not going to bother filling in any of the maternity notes as there is no point the scan may have a negative outcome' (even if I m/c I will need notes) I was completely gobsmacked I didn't expect a round of applause but FGS the insensitive cow. I was not in a mood to be messed with and said I don't think you should be speaking to me like that how dare you presume this baby is going to die as well. I expect some support from someone in your position I am aware of the risks but am trying to keep positive so don't you dare refer to my pregancy without further facts.

The poor nurse looked horrified as I asked the midwife when I could I expect my scan and she said oh I don't know why not wait till 12 weeks. I stood up told her my Consultant at the hospital had told me to get and early scan, my GP wanted it as well and if she couldn't be bothered I would see someone else.

I thought midwifes were generally nice to you!!!!

She was very lucky in my hormaonal state i didn't swing for her what a complete cow

morningpaper Tue 10-May-05 14:19:25

That's TERRIBLE I would seriously make a complaint in writing to the surgery manager (or the hospital if that's where you were?).

Evesmama Tue 10-May-05 14:19:53

what a cow..was she 'old school'?, i have one like that when in labout with dd and if i had any extra energy would have hoofed her out of the room.
see this is why i would love to be a midwife, only the bloody courses etc make it impossible for me

dyzzidi Tue 10-May-05 14:21:12

I did complain to the receptionist and am thinking of complaining officially (at my GP's). Am I correct in thinking that I can have all my care done at the hospital as I will be looked after by my consultant anyway.

FLUM Tue 10-May-05 14:21:13

mmmm bit too off the cuff.

but... complaint in writing .... all takes time... one of the reasons midwives in such a rush (cutting corners like this - no time to be sensitive)

yeah complain in writing then she can be suspended then one less midwife in you're area. then remaining midwives more rushed stressed, undervalued etc..........

morningpaper Tue 10-May-05 14:24:05

FGS Flum a written complaint isn't going to get anyone suspended! But it might make them THINK the next time they are basically telling a woman that her baby might as well be dead. It is inexcusable for someone in a public role to talk to a pregnant woman like that. Frankly if a midwife can't show a bit of compassion then she's in the wrong job.

Evesmama Tue 10-May-05 14:24:16

but surely one so insensitive and flippant, would not be any good anyway?
she should be given customer care training!

Evesmama Tue 10-May-05 14:24:38

i agree MP

dyzzidi Tue 10-May-05 14:24:39

I appreciate your comments flum but my file was three inches thick from many surgeries etc. If she was too busy to read it she could have asked for an overview. I know midwives are undervalued and the nurse did look horrified. I just couldn't believe what she said and her tone, manner etc was disgusting.

I am also aware of the fantastic job's midwifes do the one who was with me when I had my m/c was fantastic

morningpaper Tue 10-May-05 14:25:08

BTW congrats on your pregnancy dyzzidi!

FLUM Tue 10-May-05 14:25:35

And old school is not so bad. it is a fact that lots of pregnancies do end v. early on. She is a midwife not a counsellor.

am playing devils advocate a bit

i genuinely do think she was a bit off hand. But it really annoys me when people make big complaints which ties up NHS time and money over minor issues when they could just suck it up and be strong about it.

FLUM Tue 10-May-05 14:26:44

yeah congrats by the way. just wallow in your gorgeous pregnancy-ness and wait a little time to see your little one on camera.

morningpaper Tue 10-May-05 14:28:27

I can't believe you think it's okay for a midwife to imply that a desperately-wanted pregnancy might not be viable.

And yes midwives DO have 'counselling' as a large part of their work, and if they are incapable of empathising with pregnant women then they shouldn't be working with them.

koalabear Tue 10-May-05 14:30:09

good for you for saying something and sticking up for your rights

her behaviour is UNACCCEPTABLE

Evesmama Tue 10-May-05 14:30:15

i wouldnt consider that minor?
yeah, i prob over reacted to mine(being in the throws of labour and all), but overall ive (personally) found the younger/newer midwives at our hospital are much more compasionate and caring , the older ones, like the one with me, was very matter of fact and blunt instead of encouraging, she was telling me not to be stupid!

but for dyzzidi, its obvious the concern and worry thats going to come with this pregnancy and they should make sure, the act accordingly...thats their job?

FLUM Tue 10-May-05 14:30:16

but it might not be viable. it is a fact. i think she was just being realistic. But she was tactless. But we are very sensitive about these things these days.

dyzzidi Tue 10-May-05 14:30:47

I thought a midwife was a more involved role than a nurse when assigned to a pregnant woman. And Old school shouldn't be another word for insensitive and I did'nt expect hugs and kisses from her just a bit of common decency.

I have never complained about the NHS. Even when after my miscarriage I had to have two D & C's 6 weeks apart when the surgeon failed to remove tissue correctly first time round.

Evesmama Tue 10-May-05 14:31:27

why the hell not!!!!
i dont think that comment will help someone who is already concerned and worried

nailpolish Tue 10-May-05 14:31:38

dyzzidi, was she your community mw then?

its true you can have all your antenatal treatment at the hospital, yes. i did, then i saw the community mw post natal.

i think whats important just now is that you get some mw you really like, phone your consultants secretary and ask for an appt, or phone the clinic at the hospital and ask for an appt with a mw there. you dont have to explain to the secretary the reasons.

then when you are happy, have your scan appt etc, speak to the consultant about your concerns and have all your appts there (thats assuming you find a nice mw there, im sure you will!)

then i would write a letter of complaint to the community mw's boss, and a letter to the actual mw herself. but only do this when you have a clear head.

as for the postnatal care, thats not for ages yet, but nearer the time you can ensure you get a different mw. there shouldnt be a problem with that, as you will have written the letters, and hopefully there is more than one mw in the practice

tons and tons of luck with the scan! brilliant news you are pg

take it easy!


FLUM Tue 10-May-05 14:31:56

I found the tougher midwives easier to deal with as they were less fluffy and you could get facts out of them more easily

morningpaper Tue 10-May-05 14:32:08

Oooh goodness Flum, we must be really hysterical women to be so 'sensitive' about losing babies.

dyzzidi Tue 10-May-05 14:35:05

yes she was my community midwife and aas for waiting a while to see my baby on screen I am a high risk pregnancy and my consultant wants me scanned ASAP to rule out ectopic pregnancy (scar tissue from previous surgeries). All of which i could have relayed to her if given chance to.

morningpaper Tue 10-May-05 14:35:07

Oooh I've made loads of complaints about the NHS - never about treatment but SEVERAL times about rudeness/insensitive comments from staff - I think if you leave a health professional distressed and upset then the service is failing in far worse ways than issues with long waiting lists. If they can't take care of your mental health then they are failing at the first hurdle.

nailpolish Tue 10-May-05 14:35:34

agree older old school mw's cant be arsed. its like theyve been in the job too long and are just counting the days to retirement

i prefer being looked after someone my own age, who maybe is still enjoying the job, is interested in the latest research and is up to date.

also someone you can relate to, can swear to when you are in pain and have a laugh with about things you can have in common

morningpaper Tue 10-May-05 14:36:26

(And I have to say that all my complaints have been dealt with really well, and in two cases resulted in changes of procedure - so I do think that the NHS listens and responds well to patients' bad experiences.)

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