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37 weeks and still don't want to be a mum - anyone else feel like this?

(10 Posts)
desperate37 Tue 09-Jun-09 15:35:07

In my late thirties, DH delighted w pregnancy. I was always one of those people who didn't want children. After age 35 we thought we should try - if it was for us, it wouldn't go by us...but 3 years later we did get pregnant. I was distraught, I had thought that I had escaped it.
Now I'm only weeks away from having a baby and I still don't feel that I want to be a mum. My pregnancy has gone well, and I would rather the baby stayed in a while longer instead of coming out in 3 weeks...
Anyone else like this????

mogwai Tue 09-Jun-09 16:30:34

Didn't want you to think nobody had read your post.

I don't know if it's the same but I'm 36 and having my second child (first is 4 years old now). For the past few weeks (from about 35-39 weeks) I've been feeling very tired and ambivalent about having another baby, and then I feel guilty for feeling this way.

I think it's mainly because I remember all the hard work involved and how it changed my life. My husband used to work silly hours and we had no help. It took me a long time to recover and feel like "myself" again, so I am prone to think about the negatives when I remember back to her babyhood.

However - I can honestly say that she is the most precious and amazing thing in my world. Before your baby is born you can have no concept of the extremes of emotion you will feel. Yes, it's hard work (and scarily, it's for the rest of your life!) but they also bring a joy you probably never imagined.

I hope when things settle down and the birth is over and done, you'll just fall in love with your little one. At the moment it's a case of "being a mum" but in a few weeks time you will have actually met tht person and will probably feel heaps better.

Good luck!

sunburntats Tue 09-Jun-09 16:39:01

I was the very same!
Not a maternal bone to be seen.
Actually (whiispers) didnt much like children in the first place so didnt want to ahve any of my own.

Had my son when i was 33.
It was fine, better than i thought actually, when he was here and i became embrolied in the day to day routine.
It got better and better as well as i started to get back to normal, so when mat leave was over and i went back to work, started going out for tea and drinks with friends again i felt ok about the whole thing.
Now it just seems that he has always been here.

Im 39 now and thinking about number 2, dont feel particulary maternal or mumsy about it, just matter of fact and dont want my nearly6 year old to be an only.
The other thing is, i jsut DO NOT know where the time has gone, it goes so very fast.

Dont think that you are unusual at all, if you are then i must be too!

TheShipsCat Tue 09-Jun-09 16:50:07

Got to go off to pick up my two from nursery, so a quick reply, but yes, I felt exactly the same. Didn't want children - got pg by accident - twice. Felt very guilty about it - and just like you at 37 weeks pg or whatever was really worried I didn't feel maternal. To be honest, I never really felt much for dd1 at all until she was about 6 weeks, then it kicked in. I think its perfectly normal. Don't worry, it'll be fine. Good luck!

staylucky Tue 09-Jun-09 17:59:46

Heya,

With my first I def struggled towards the end with feelings of oh my god what have I done. Woman at my antenatal classes would all be moaning about being desperate to get their babys born already where as I was happy for her to stay in there as long as she wanted. I really enjoyed being pregnant and in truth found it hard to come to terms with the reality of actually having a baby.

Your first baby takes you from being an individual to someones mum for the rest of your life and it does take ages before you can fully reconcile yourself with that, no matter how much planning you put into the pregnancy. PLUS don't forget last few weeks your hormones are in total overdrive so no matter who you are I think it would get you.

It took me some time to bond with my daughter but no matter when it happens it's for life, so don't be afraid.

It's more honest to say out loud how you are feeling than to pretend everythings always rosy, more people should do it grin

Good luck, you'll be ace mate!

herbaceous Wed 10-Jun-09 11:30:51

Ooh good - some kindred spirits!

I tried for years to get pregnant - with four miscarriages and a failed adoption attempt en route - and now that he's actually due in 2/3 weeks' time, I don't want him to come out!

I've really enjoyed being pregnant, and don't want it to end, despite months SPD and the last few weeks of general heifer-ness. I worry that I won't like him, or he won't like me, or that it was the pregnancy I wanted, not the baby. It might also be a touch of grief for the babies I'll never have in the future (I'm 43 now, so unlikely to squeeze any more out), and the ones I lost in the past.

I'm resting my hopes on the fact that I'm mad and hormonal at the moment, and that when I see his little face the world will shift on its axis, and being a mum will turn out to be all I've ever wanted.

Gateau Wed 10-Jun-09 12:11:48

Don't worry; no matter how you feel now you will soon realise you have your real reason for being .
My life always seemed very full until I had DS. It's only looking back now that I realise how empty it really was.
All the very best; motherhood is truly wonderful.

staylucky Wed 10-Jun-09 12:13:39

Right on sister

roseability Wed 10-Jun-09 12:20:20

I think these feelings are quite normal in the late stages of pregnancy, especially as your hormones are in overdrive at this time.

When I had DS I was so maternal and desperate for babies. I still struggled with the adjustment, however here I am pregnant with number 2! Yet I know friends who were very unmaternal and ambivalent, but when baby arrived they just loved motherhood. It can vary

SouthMum Wed 10-Jun-09 13:09:14

I felt exactly the same, suddenly I had all these things I wanted to do but couldn't now there was going to be a babe here soon and I started resenting it.

Don't be worried if these feelings continue when the baby is here either. I know many women who didn't get that rush of love you expect to have when your baby is plonked on your chest. I did at first, but after about a week I started to long for the 'old days'.

Its a massive step, one day you leave the house with contractions as just you and DH and maybe a dog, then you return as a family - freaky shit and quite rightly warrants a bit of "oh what have we done" if you ask me!!

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