How do I or should I tell my friend I am pregnant.

[timmette]

One of my cloesest friends has been ttc for almost a year and has had a diagnosis of PCOS. I have in that year had one miscarriage that she knew about and am now pregnant again. When or how should I tell her obviously I don't want to hurt her or cause her any pain nor do I want to gloat about my pregnancy.
I am now getting close to the end of the first trimester and don't want to lie by omission or just wait till I have a bump and am looking like an elephant. Any sensitive mumsnetters out there with advice.

[ninedragons]

It may be better to email her, so she doesn't feel put on the spot. That way you give her privacy to deal with her feelings.

I had a couple of good friends in the same situation and broke the news by email and they were all fine by the time I spoke to them or saw them.

[JRocks]

I told my friend over the phone. I was completely honest, said I didn't know what the best way to tell her was, but that I was feeling very lucky and happy. I also said that I was concerned that I would come across as patronising, which I didn't want. She was great about it. But she is great though

[mrsboogie]

you could tell her by email or text to give her a chance to absorb the news and present a happy face to you, or you could text or email her to say you need to see her cos you have some news - that will give her enough of a hint that she will have considered the possibility that you are pregnant. Then you can still tell her face to face but she won't be shocked.

[TattyCatty]

Agree that it's far better to email rather than tell in person. Don't be hurt or upset if she doesn't reply straight away or mention it straightaway. When I was TTC with PCOS (took 2 years in the end), a friend of mine announced that she was pregnant. Despite the fact that she had had 2 miscarriages, and totally understood the pain of TTC, I was just so jealous (totally irrational of course) that I couldn't bring myself to talk to her about the pregnancy (she lives back in my home time, so only physically see her once a year or so) until she actually had her DD. I did speak to her about it recently as I'm sure that it seemed extremely odd at the time, but she completely understood why I'd done it.

[timmette]

Thanks for the help I guess it will be email then - we live in different countries and the next time I will see her I will be about 5/6 months and so it will be obvious. I just don't want to upset her or for her to feel she has to be happy - when she probably won't be.

[MrsHappy]

Agree with ninedragons. Tell her by email first, so that she can compose herself in private if she needs to. She is your friend and will be pleased for you but she just might need a bit of time to adjust to your news, even though since she knows about your MC it won't be a big surprise.

[sjbj]

I'm the other woman so to speak! I have been TTC for 7 years so you can imagine how many friends have had to tell me they are expecting their 1st, 2nd and in some cases 3rd baby! It smarts everytime but honesty is the best policy.

i don't know how I feel about e-mail? Might be a little impersonnal but agree it gives your friend time to absorb the news. If she is a real friend she will be happy for you but may just need a little time to get her head around the news.

I have one friend - just had her 3rd baby and she never told me until the 12 week scan and i found that easier than knowing from others that they were 6 weeks or so - can't explain why?
Good news by the way - i am finally going for my 12 week scan!!