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Just been offered a job, am a couple of months gone with twins and my employers don't know

(107 Posts)
lolianja Mon 01-Jun-09 23:14:12

Perhaps foolishly I said nothing during the interview and didn't worry too much afterwards because I came across like such a disaster-attracting clown that I didn't think I had an icicle's chance in hell of ever being let into the building ever again, let alone given a job! Fortunately and unfortunately, it seems I was wrong.

The job's in central London, I'm 20 year old, have recently moved to Solihull from Essex with my partner and we have a three-month-old boy. Now two more babies on the way - don't ask.

I assume I'm legally obliged to tell my new employers about the pregnancy, but at what stage? I know in theory they can't give me my marching orders because I'm pregnant but does this actually apply in practice?

I feel very daft for lying (by omission) now and am wondering what I ought to do next.

Thanks in advance.

FluffyBunnyGoneBad Mon 01-Jun-09 23:16:14

It's not the sort of thing that you can hide really. They need to do a risk assessment but it's down to you when you want to tell them. They can't fire you for being pregnant.

nickschick Mon 01-Jun-09 23:21:48

Tbh i think you were rather more than foolish for going for the interview- fair enough you wanted the job you are obviously very suited to the job - but you cant actually do the job and there were surely other candidates who would have been more suitable.

If I were an employer I think id be rather annoyed at you wasting my time like this.

Unless you are hoping to benefit financially from this omission of truthdeceithmm- the honest thing to do would be to decline on the grounds of your 'newly discovered'hmm pregnancy.

LaurieFairyCake Mon 01-Jun-09 23:29:12

I'm interested in why you went for it - you must want it yes?

if you wanted it were you planning to move back down? Are your whole family on board with the change?

as fluffybunny said they can't fire you for being pregnant.

LeninGrad Mon 01-Jun-09 23:30:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LeninGrad Mon 01-Jun-09 23:31:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lolianja Mon 01-Jun-09 23:35:28

I take your point nickschick - but we really need the money (particularly in light of this pregnancy) and given the economic climate etc I can't just go cherry-picking for another more convenient/suitable one. As it stands I'm perfectly capable of doing the job - which starts on Monday - and don't plan on taking maternity leave until absolutely necessary.

I know I can't suddenly pretend I've just discovered I'm pregnant because it's down on my medical records that my pregnancy was discovered only about a month or so in. I don't enjoy lying to people and don't plan on maintaining a lie - I'm just wondering what sensible course of action I could take as regards telling them.

Yup, I'll be commuting to London from Solihull (partner got a job in Birmingham city centre so we moved up here a couple of months back). It's not ideal and will be difficult, but manageable.

Thanks for the replies so far guys.

Northernlurker Mon 01-Jun-09 23:36:18

Nickschick - why can't she do the job? She's pregnant not in prison! As an employer when you take someone on you run the risk that they may not be there in a few months time. Pregnancy, bereavement, depression and a whole range of physical ailments can interfere with your working life. It would be a bloody long interview if you expected people to list everything that might happen.

OP - congratulations on your new job and tell your employers when you feel comfortable in doing so!

LaurieFairyCake Mon 01-Jun-09 23:37:42

Wow, that's a looooooong commute - good luck with it all smile and well done on getting the job

MrsBonJovi Mon 01-Jun-09 23:42:32

Sorry I dont get why she cant do the job..Nickschick that was a pretty discrimatory post.

OP congratulations. You are going to be very busy...likely to be 3 under 1s!

nickschick Tue 02-Jun-09 00:07:38

I can appreciate shes only pregnant not in prison,but what I was getting at is a woman with a 3 month old baby,pregnant with twins facing a long commute is hardly what I would say a viable candidate for employment - if she was and she believes she is 'upto it' then why neglect to mention it?

I didnt mean to be discriminatory only honest and that is truly how I see it,with less than a year between these 2 births and with twin pregnancies being higher risk surely this isnt in the best interests of her and the babies health?.

Many congratulations on your pregnancy and I sincerely hope you are fit and well throughout but I cant help but think you really have bitten off more than you can chew.

nickschick Tue 02-Jun-09 00:10:07

I just sneaked a look at your prof smile is it a modelling job???

Tigerbear Tue 02-Jun-09 00:11:03

Are you seriously planning to commute EVERY DAY from Solihull to London?

Tigerbear Tue 02-Jun-09 00:11:29

Are you seriously planning to commute EVERY DAY from Solihull to London?

nickschick Tue 02-Jun-09 00:12:12

tigers so shocked shes asked that in duplicate wink

lolianja Tue 02-Jun-09 00:25:00

@nickschick - nope. It's office work! Haven't done any modelling since just after my baby was born/just after these two were conceived. But haven't done any regularly since a few months before my son was born. I ought to change my profile info really, I'm not planning to return to it. I have very little respect left for the fashion industry.

@Tigerbear - I know it sounds crazy, but it is doable.

lolianja Tue 02-Jun-09 00:25:35

Oh, and the job is only 3 days a week.

MollieO Tue 02-Jun-09 00:26:24

You have to tell them by the time you are 25 weeks. Seems like a long commute to me (and mine is between 1.5 and 1.75 each way).

readyfornumber2and3 Tue 02-Jun-09 07:39:53

To be honest I think you seriously need to reconsider taking this job.
I speak as someone who is 27 weeks pregnant with fraternal twins, I got made redundant in february and luckily we could afford for me not to find another job and all I can say is thank god I didnt!!

Being pregnant and commuting is very hard (did it with ds) but being pregnant with twins is a whole different ball game!

it is physically very hard and I have days where I am wiped out just by doing a bit of housework and looking after a nearly 3 yo toddler and other days I struggle to leave the house because I feel so hot and faint.

Then there is all the extra appointments you will need (not like you can nip out on your lunch hour for them)
If you still lived in london I would say it may be manageable but with such a long commute each day you are going to be exhausted and than go home to a 3 month old baby!

Surely you can find some office work in Birmingham?

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion Tue 02-Jun-09 07:49:58

Message withdrawn

ilovemydogandmrobama Tue 02-Jun-09 08:13:04

Commuting is really really difficult. It isn't sitting on a train that's the hard part. It's all the logistics of getting out the door with a child (or having to get one ready)

I commuted from Bristol - London with a 6 month old and on my own. It's about a 2.5 hour train journey and then tube at the end.

Fortunately it was for a finite period, but unless the job is really really special, I wouldn't take the job.

No, you aren't legally obligated to tell them at this stage, but with twins, you will probably need time off for ante natal appointments. You will probably need more scans and care as its twins. You will need to produce a MAT B1 which the midwife issues around 20 weeks. This is official notification that you are pregnant and will be taking maternity leave.

But you're young smile so the commute, being pregnant with twins and having a young baby may be a breeze!

lolianja Tue 02-Jun-09 08:19:09

The job is paying an awful lot given I only have A levels and no degree (was on a "gap year" when I got pregnant with James). My partner's income isn't pathetic but I don't see us being together for an awful lot longer. I really need some independence from him.

I won't be commuting with my baby, ilovemydogandmrobama (I love your username!). He'll be at a nursery.

I'm sure it won't be a breeze but I don't get lare during pregnancy - I looked barely pregnant at 30 weeks and my son was 9lbs 8.5oz! I know I'm going to get comparatively huge with twins but I'm very determined to make this work. Thanks for the info re: the MATB1.

lolianja Tue 02-Jun-09 08:19:47

Gahh, "lare" should read large!

Nekabu Tue 02-Jun-09 08:28:04

I'd tell your employer. I'd be really peeved if I'd employed someone who was pg at the time of the interview and had kept it quiet. I don't care if you don't technically have to tell until X weeks, I would feel deceived if someone kept something so job affecting from me at the interview and it would probably have a lasting effect on how I viewed their integrity. If you think they wouldn't hire you knowing you're pg then you are effectively tricking them into hiring you by keeping quiet about it and if you think they would still hire you knowing you're pg then why not be honest.

CheshireCally Tue 02-Jun-09 08:40:23

I think you should tell them too. Years ago I was part of a team where a new employee joined whilst pregnant and didn't tell anyone until it was unavoidable. She was off work a lot, didn't pull her weight (not that I'm saying you'll do the same), and the rest of us had to cover her work as well as our own. It caused a lot of bad feeling and seriously affected my views on maternity rights.

In an ideal world it shouldn't matter, but unfortunately the reality is different, and no matter how hard you try, I can't see how this won't have an adverse affect on the job. Good luck with whatever you do.

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