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very nervous and scared mum to be, in need of reasurance.

(18 Posts)
18mumtobe Tue 19-Apr-05 15:54:43

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flic23 Tue 19-Apr-05 16:00:21

The only reassureance i can come up with was it wasnt as bad as i thought it would be plus as someone who has done it i would say do not be ashamed if you need pain refief there aint nothing wrong with it after all getting a tooth extracted is pretty natural but you wouldnt go without analgesia. As far as shyness gos i was the same never even had a smear test before, and thought about it alot but trust me it doesnt even occur to you at the time. Plus when it stops its over and you have a lovely little baby

Aimsmum Tue 19-Apr-05 16:03:17

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colditz Tue 19-Apr-05 16:04:03

Ok hun, it does hurt, but it won't kill you and is not likely to injure you. The contractions give you breaks to get you act together in. Have you talked about pain relief with your midwife? You don't get a medal for a medication free childbirth.

I found my epidural fantastic, I even managed to get an hours sleep in the middle of labour!!!

LeahE Tue 19-Apr-05 16:09:36

Reading or watching a whole birth experience can be intimidating but when you're doing it yourself you can just live in the moment -- i.e. deal with one contraction at a time and not get too worried about the next one, or the next. At the end you'll look back and be surprised at how well you coped, honestly.

bonym Tue 19-Apr-05 16:12:07

Listen - I am the *biggest wimp* ever when it comes to pain - I get tears in my eyes if I stub my toe. My dh and mother thought I was mad to opt for a home birth as they know how rubbish I am at coping with pain. However - 4 weeks ago I gave birth to my 2nd dd, at home, with only gas and air and a birthing pool for pain relief. At the time I thought I would never do it, and yes, the pain was terrible, BUT, I did it. Your body is designed to give birth and to cope with the pain, but if you really feel that you can't then opt for an epidural. I had one when I gave birth to dd1 and it took the pain away completely. It wasn't an option 2nd time as I desperately wanted a home birth and I am astonished that I coped.
The best advice I can give you is have someone with you who can be a real support and relax as much as you can - the pain reallly is a lot easier to bear if you can relax and breath through it. If you have the option of using a birthing pool then take it as it is absolute bliss and will help you to relax (you don't have to give birth in it). There is a book called Birthing From Within which gives some really good pain management techniques if you can get hold of a copy.
Good luck and please try not to worry - you'll have a beautiful baby soon

Gobbledigook Tue 19-Apr-05 16:14:32

18mtb - please try not to worry. Regarding the embarrassment, I know what you mean but honestly, it's just an issue when you get there and it doesn't even cross your mind to feel funny about it.

Regarding the pain, the way I always looked at it was there is pain relief available and if you want you can have an epidural and feel nothing! It's entirely up to you.

You can't plan anything, nobody knows how any labour will go so just take it a step at a time.

I can recommend the birthing ball to sit and rock on - fabulous!

And fwiw, I've had 3 babies so it can't be that bad!! I'd do it again too! I had an epidural the first time and nothing but a few puffs of air the second and third time.

Good luck! Will look forward to your birth announcement and don't worry - you can do it!

Gobbledigook Tue 19-Apr-05 16:15:56

that should say 'it's just not an issue' - that's one side effect you can worry about - your brain melting!

Lonelymum Tue 19-Apr-05 16:16:07

The key to it all has been mentioned by both flic and Aimsmum: at the end of it all, you get a baby and you will never know how good that feels until you go through it. Having that baby and feeling the love you will feel, will make everything worth while. Otherwise, no-one would go on to have more than one child would they?

The pain will be bad but there is a lot of pain relief available to you: just make sure you know all about it so you know what options you have. Hoepfully, you will have a birthing partner too. Talk about what you want with them before you go into labour as you may find it hard to communicate your wishes to the midwives, in which case, your partner should be able to do it for you.

Don't worry about losing it. However you fear you might behave, the midwives will surely have seen it all before. Plus, you need never see them again in your life when you walk out the hospital door with your gorgeous baby.

Don't worry either about having to reveal all down below. Again the MWs have seen it all before and, from your point of view, you will be so desperate to get the baby out, you will feel no shyness at all.

It is perfectly natural to feel the fear you are feeling right now. I expect if we are honest, we would all admit to feeling the same. But you will manage because you have to and at the end of it, you will not only have a lovely baby, but you will also feel pretty damned pleased with yourself for being so clever as to have made and produced this baby.

Good luck!

QueenEagle Tue 19-Apr-05 16:21:04

Talk through the pain relief options with your midwife, get her to show you how to use gas and air effectively. I had a big gap between my 3rd and 4th babbies and "forgot" how to use the g&a properly and it was not as good a birth experience as it could have been. With my 5th baby born 4mths ago I was really scared of the pain to come but for the first time used a birthing ball which was fantastic and having learnt to use the gas and air the right way this time together with a shot of pethidine, had a brilliant experience. Had epidural with my first, that is pretty damned good too for complete relief.

Go with the flow when it all happens it will be fine honestly. Looking forward to hearing your announcement on here!

ivy3 Tue 19-Apr-05 16:23:50

You will cope and you will soon forget all about the pain once you have your new baby in your arms. The only advice I can give it to keep reminding yourself that it won't last forever and that the pain will stop (between contractions) and of course labour don't go on forever. Don't worry about how you look, what you say, how you behave etc. midwives have seen it all before many many times. Good luck!

golds Tue 19-Apr-05 16:25:09

I know exactly how you feel. I was SO worried about giving birth for the first time that it almost put me off conceiving.

I was petrified, I did't want anyone seeing me down below, what if I make a noise, I was even worried about the bath afterwards with my dh seeing me like that.

All i can say is in a way the worrying did me good, I thought it was going to be really awful and it wasn't half as bad as I thought. Yes it hurt but there are things to help you with the pain if you need them, the outcome was well worth it.

It normal to worry but you will be fine. Take care and enjoy the peace and quiet in the last few weeks

lunarx Tue 19-Apr-05 17:07:06

what you're going thru is perfectly normal. i went thru it a lot in my last weeks. (i bet a lot of us did!) i calmed my fears by reading and talking a lot to other mums about labour. i also calmed myself down taking warm baths nightly and talking to my bump but all our labour and delivery stories are different. have faith that your body will know what to do when the time comes (whether you do into labour on your own or with help). while i was in labour, i went thru a small bit of hysterics and fear (this was right after i couldnt have an epidural!), but your mind and body will take over.
when the time comes, just tell yourself over and over, that is WILL end. and at that end will be a lovely baby that you have waited 9 months to meet. hang in there, you'll do just fine! and soon, you might not even be able to remember the pain!! :hugs:

18mumtobe Tue 19-Apr-05 17:22:50

thanx everyone for your messages.

i do feel better now and i know what your all saying is true. and the outcome will be the best thing that could ever happen.
i know about all the pain relief options, but don't really know what to go for. i will def try the birthing ball as ive heard it helps alot, and i'm keen on trying the pool too. i do like the sound of an epidural, as it would be great to be pain free. but im not the best person with needles but i don't surpose ill be that bothered about that when im in all that pain.
my boyfriend is going to be with me at the birth, but i think he's just as nervous as me really. not really sure if he's gonna be able to cope with seeing like that as he's only 18 too. i do try and speak to him about it but i think he's in denial about the whole thing.
im close to my mum but she had to c-sections so she dosen't really know what to say.
my mum is also going to be at the hospital just incase i need her, but i would perfer it to just be the two ou us really.

well thatnx again for your reasurance and support, ill let you know how it all gose.

AnotherHelen Tue 19-Apr-05 17:25:06

Oh poor you! i remember that feeling so well! i too (like everyone elseo i suppose) was absolutley terrified and even got to the point were i used to have panic attacks over the thought of it! and as life goes sometimes, i ended up having what my whole family thinks was the worst birth they had known of! but i would still do it all again tommorow, so it cant be that bad can it! i can truly say if i had to choose between labour and having a filling at the dentist i would go through labour again definatley!!! i am the biggest wimp in the world, i cry if i stub my toe lol! you will look back and smile at the worrying you did, and then realise your baby was worth every single second! I hope you manage to relax a little soon! xxxx

Dahlia Tue 19-Apr-05 17:31:02

Yes, anotherhelen - I would rather go through labour than go to the dentist!!!!! Listen 18mumtobe, I can only echo what everyone else has said, you will get through it, your body will get you through it, and at the end of it you will experience happiness like you have never known when you hold your baby. Its hard, but if you are well informed about pain relief, and keep all your options open and go with the flow, you will be fine. I was terrified first time round, and had every pain relief available, and I got through it. You will be ok sweetie! Take some of your favourite music in - at most hospitals they have tape players in the delivery suite - you could check with your hospital - I found it helped to have something to listen to in the early stages. A little evian face spray was very handy too, soothes your face. Good Luck!! And try not to worry too much xxx

Libb Tue 19-Apr-05 17:41:21

18mumtobe, best of wishes to you when it all happens! you will be fine, just think every one of us has been squeezed out/taken out at the very beginning. That's a lot of new babies making an entrance - and a lot of mummies worrying beforehand!

I felt just the same way and I am 30! - but I was so keen to meet my little fella that I forgot about the obvious worries, it feels sore at the time but that just melts away once you start deliberating about the colour of his hair, who does he look like etc etc.

It will be fantastic for you xxxx

chocolatequeen Tue 19-Apr-05 22:20:59

18mtb - I know just how you are feeling honey - it can be a pretty lonely time in the few weeks leading up to the birth, as it's you who is going to have to deal with it all. But, you must just stay as positive as you can. Remember what the end result will be, and you will be just fine. You may suprise yourself - I thought I'd be terrified, but it was actually just so exciting, thrilling, emotional to be going to the hospital to give birth to a baby. Felt like i was the first person in the world who'd ever done it. Admittedly it hurts, but there are things that can help, and it's not cowardly to ask for it. As for worrying about needles at the epidural - thought I'd be exactly the same, but to be perfectly honest, it will be the least of your worries.

Just hang in there, and remember - in about 7 weeks, it will all be over.

Keep us posted as to how you get on!

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