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Have a 5 month old baby and pregnant again(29 Posts)
My baby turned 5 months on Monday and last night I found out I'm pregnant again - unplanned (condom split). I'm in a complete mess about what to do. Is anyone going through something similar? I find the idea of abortion pretty awful but I don't know if I can do it all again so soon and we so wanted to have a couple of years with our little girl before having a second. I have so many worries about going through with the pregnancy - money, strain on my relationship, whether it's the right thing for my daughter or if it will detract from her formative years. Selfishly, I was really looking forward to finally getting my body back when I quite breastfeeding in the not too distant future.
I wonder if there is any advice out there...
I have a 15 month gap between my first two children, and have to say it is great now. The hardest time was in the first 6 months, but now my two children are the best of friends and it is lovely to see them so close. It is hard when you find out you are pg when it is not planned, but the first few months of pregnancy are all about "what have I done" moments.
Do not worry about the effect on your daughter, she will be so close in age there will be no jealousy issues to deal with, which is a blessing. It will not detract from her formative years, she will have a great brother or sister to have as a best friend.
I can understand you wanting to get your body back after breastfeeding, my ds self-weaned around the time I was 8 weeks pg and it was a relief for me in some ways, although I was sad to be stopping in other ways. But I had a much better 2nd pg than my first and it was easier to just stay in pg clothes rather than fighting to lose the weight for a couple of years and then start all over again!
I hope that others here will give you similar reassurance that it will be ok too.
One of my close friends has a 12 month gap between her DC's. It was unplanned, she just assumed as it took so long to conceive the first it would be the same with the second.
It was hard work to begin with but now they are nearly 2 and 3 it's much easier.
You will cope. It must be a shock so just let it sink in before making any decisions.
I have a 13 month gap between dd3 & dd4. I find having a good routine has made life fairly easy and im looking forward to them hopefully being close friends as they grow up.
My sister and I have a 14mth gap and we have always been really close.
I have 13 months between my 2, I still remember the shock of finding out, I felt so upset and horribley guilty. It almost felt as if I had betrayed DS by getting pregnant with a 'new' baby.
It took a few weeks but gradually I came round and DD is now 5 months and its all fine.
All the things I worried about have worked out and although it was hard being pregnant and having a baby already, its very nice when the baby arrives.
Give yourself time to get over the shock and look at your DD, you will be getting another one of them to care for and you are giving her a little brother or sister, which is quite nice really.
The shock will take some getting over though.
we have 15 months between our 1st 2, and when my 1st was 6 months i was feeling the same as you, can i do this, am i crazy, will i cope? but yes yes and yes. I have coped and as my 1st DS got older towards the end of my pregnancy i realised i could do it.
I had to have an emergency section with DS2 and still managed fine.
Good Luck whatever you decide
I am!!! DD was 5mo when I found I was pregnant. Now shes 1 next month and I've got 2 months left lol We have a ds who will be 3 just before the baby is born and am expecting chaos but hey whats life without a little chaos?
With my ds and dd I have noticed that the past few months/weeks as she has been getting more and more independent have been easier, more fun etc Like reading them both a bedtime story while they snuggle up together it really lovely. Everyone says the first 6mo are the hardest so I'll be counting down the days.....
let us know how you get on.
i have 11months between my 2 boys and yes - it ws hard, they are now 4 and 5 and much much easier!
Take a couple of days to breathe and have a really good think about this. You know, it really isn't the end of the world to have such a close gap, in fact, there are loads of positives. There are 16 mths between me and my sister and we are incredibly close, always have been. There is a 3 yr 9 mth age gap between my 2 children, and I sometimes feel sorry that they won't have that intense bond that comes with being so close in age like me and my sis.
A good friend and ex-colleague has 3 girls under 4. Hard work, yes, but they are fantastically close and the older two 'look after' the little one. It's lovely to see.
Fwiw, I have a 3 mth old and would dearly love to be pregnant again , despite having crappy high risk pregnancies and c-section births. DH is totally against, though!
Thank you for all your positive messages. It's good to feel the support out there. x
it will be hard work but you will be fine.
My friend had a 3 year old, 2 year old, 11 month old and had twins.
she is now a midwife and said she loved it when they were all so small.
well my story is a bit different to yours but i need help on what to do.
i have a 2 year old and a 5 month old....2 weeks ago i found out i was pregant again i thought about it alo and me and my husband decided not to keep it because of money, space in the house our oher 2 chldren etc. i wnet to have abortion today and found out i as having twins. i didnt go through with the abortion and tey have told me have a week to think about what i want to do but my head telleing me one hig and me heart tellin me another i need some advice PLEASE HELP ME
hayley - did not want to leave this unresponded to, but think you might get more help if you post as a new thread. It is a tough thing you are going through.
Carrie - do not worry about your little girl - you will have a few months just with her before your new baby comes and your little girl will be so young when the baby comes that she will not have any jealousy issues and will probably just accept it. My neighbours boys are 5 and 6 and they are such great friends. They do everything together, they are always at a very similar stage etc. I think that it's tough having 2 very little ones close in age, but once they are a tiny bit bigger, even 2 and 3, they will be so happy togehter.
oh hayley Might it also be worth posting on the multiples board for practical advice if you do decide to continue?
CarrieJ, I didn't realise the thread was quite old, have you decided what to do (ignore me if you'd rather not say). Good luck with everything
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
my baby was 3 months old wen i fell pregnanrt, altho i didnt knw until she hit 6 months..im excited...worried, dunno how il cope- u got support here if u need it..hugs!
I had a 12mth gap between dds and had a 3yr old when dd2 was born. Now expecting no.4 ds is 5,dd1 3,and dd2 2. It works well as they all like doing the same things
Hayley really have no advice but wanted to send you some hugs, hope you can work somethign out.
i've got 15mths between my two. DS2 is now 3 weeks old and i'm loving it. it's not as difficult as i imagined, in fact it's easier than going from 0 to 1.
make sure you get plenty of rest adn get DD in a good routine before baby comes.
DS1 has a 3 hr nap in the afternoon, has done since 12mths and sleeps 8pm to 8am so i get some time to rest and bond with baby.
loads of mums on here with small age gaps and it sounds like it gets really fun when they are 3/4 and can do so much together.
hayley- just read your message. wanted to send you hugs, have you tried the multiples board?
let it sink in before you make any permenant decisions.
I have a 3 month old baby and have just found out i'm pregnant again. I am so upset, it took my husband and i nearly 3 years to concieve our first and we just didn't think it could happen so soon. I don't know whether to carry on with the pregnany but couldn't come to terms with abortion. I am worried for many reasons - lack of family support, as i know everyone will be pretty angry/upset. Financial reasons and most importantly my wee boy growing up with lack of my attention! He will only be ten months when the baby would be born....i am so lost and don't know how to accept it or what to do! Has anyone out there got advice?
I have 14 months between my two (now 3.6 and 2.4) and it was a big shock when I got pg with ds2. At the time DP was a student, I was still on ML with DS1 and my dad had just died, and both families are 400 miles away, so we were all over the place, shocked and not sure what to do.
Only you and your DH can decide what is right for you, but I will say that it's brilliant having two close together. It maybe helps that they are both boys, but they play together, sleep in the same room and it is just so lovely to see them haring about having fun together. It was hard at first, but we didn't have anything to compare it with, so you just get on with it and it wasn't that bad.
And don't worry about the attention thing too much. Some wise MNer once said that you don't halve the love, you double it and it is very true.
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