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how hard is it to be a parent?

(117 Posts)
valentine5 Tue 12-Apr-05 18:29:04

hi everyone,i have just found out im pregnant,inside i feel happy but my parnter has a child from a previous relationship and he doesent feel ready to be a parent again so im a little scared as i feel a little alone(i got caught when i was on antibiotics) he keeps telling me that being a parent is very hard work and takes over your life,is there any good things about being a parent or is it true what he says,as he wants me to get an abortion but i dont think i can do it.pleas help! xxxx

mummytosteven Tue 12-Apr-05 18:34:47

congrats on the PG, and sorry to hear that your partner is not being supportive. yes, being a parent is hard work but is also very rewarding; it does come as a shock that there is a new little being dependent on you, and that your immediate wants/needs aren't top priority any more, but to sound corny there will still be moments amongst the chaos when you see a cute smile and/or a contented sleeping baby and think parenting is the best/easiest thing in the world

best of luck

Freckle Tue 12-Apr-05 18:35:59

Well, he's right that it is very hard work and that it takes over your life, but, in contrast, it is just about the most fulfilling and rewarding thing you will ever do and, for every minus, there are many plusses. Don't give up heart. Maybe he'll come round to the idea in time.

colditz Tue 12-Apr-05 18:36:29

You do what you wanty to do. I won't pretend that being a parent is easy, cos it's not, but it is good fun too.

This is how much you can love your baby - when my son was 1 week old, someone ran too close to his pram, and I remember thinking that if I had had a knife, I would have stabbed that man for daring to get too close.

Your partner is right, it is hard work, it does take over your life, but if you have an abortion when you want the baby, you will regret it. men are very quick to say "have an abortion", as if pregnancy is an illness ad abortion is the cure. They don't think about how women might feel about that baby.

colditz Tue 12-Apr-05 18:42:30

Just read one of your other posts, valentine5, and can see how much you want a baby. Your partner has had his chance, now it is your turn. Good luck and congratulations!

valentine5 Tue 12-Apr-05 18:49:53

thankyou everyone for all your posts,i just feel so alone at the moment i want to talk to my friend but because everything is in the air at the moment about whether we are going to keep it i feel she may think badly if i go ahead with the abortion.i feel backed into a corner by my partner as i think if i keep it he will hold it against me when our life changes and he may resent me because of this.i just dont know what to do for the best xxx

colditz Tue 12-Apr-05 18:51:05

Please don't let your partner decide wht you are going to do. It is your body, it is not his.

mummytosteven Tue 12-Apr-05 18:52:29

but if you feel forced into an abortion by your partner, then you are likely to end up resenting him. how long would you be prepared to wait to see if your partner ever does become readhy to become a parent again?

coppertop Tue 12-Apr-05 18:54:27

If you are worried that he will resent you for not having an abortion then just think how much you would resent him if you felt pushed into having an abortion that you didn't want.

Being a parent is hard work but also extremely rewarding IMHO.

NannyJo Tue 12-Apr-05 18:54:50

it's hard work but nice hard work because you feel so much love for them that you don't begrudge doing it (sleepless nights aren't quite so forgiving but they pass)

valentine5 Tue 12-Apr-05 18:56:11

thanks colditz,i just dont want to go thorugh pregnancy and being a parent on my own i want my partner to want it aswell, ive told him i want it and i cant go though with an abortion but he keeps saying its the best thing for both of us and im forcing him to have a child,but im not because it was just as much of a shock for me he knew i was on antibiotics aswell we both knew there was a chance it could stop the pill working ,but im willing to face up to it and d o the best for my baby but he wont, he just wants it to go away. xx

valentine5 Tue 12-Apr-05 18:59:46

thanks for all your responces,i needed this support as i have not told any of my friends or family and i feel really scared xx

Nemo1977 Tue 12-Apr-05 19:00:55

if u r forcing him to have a child then surely he should have taken some responsibility when taking part in the act that concieved your baby. I had a procedure similair to abortin [was for missed miscarriage] and it is anything but simple and tbh i do think you would regret it as you obviously want this baby. I too have also just found out i am pg again and i have an 18mth old and while i can feel tired etc i truly would not change him for the world and having had m son i realise how precious the little bean i have now is. It is hard being a parent but it is also the best thing i have ever done!!!

valentine5 Tue 12-Apr-05 19:04:53

thanks nemo 1977 ,i understand that it will be very hard work but ive told my parnter i want to do my best everyone has to do it a t some point nothing is all rosy but i just feel strongly about keeping it ,but i worry because he doesent want it that it will destroy our relationship and i dont want to be a single parent xx

Nemo1977 Tue 12-Apr-05 19:08:28

its a hard situation you are in. Maybe for yourself it is worth going to speak to a abortion councilor or something of the like as you are obviously trying to please everyone. What you need to think of is how you would feel if you did have an abortion.

valentine5 Tue 12-Apr-05 19:14:08

that would probably be a good idea i feel so confused all i know is that the only reason im considering abortion is because of my partner, if he turned around and told me it would be ok and that he was happy i would be the happiest women alive and be chuffed to bits that im pregnant.xx

Nemo1977 Tue 12-Apr-05 19:17:18

aww hun im sorry he isnt supportive but at the same time if you had an abortion and ur relationship broke down how would u feel then?

valentine5 Tue 12-Apr-05 19:21:33

what your saying is so true but a t least there is not a child involved, i really am struggling to make a decision about whats best it feels like a no win situation i think councelling sounds like a good idea,has anyone been in the situation where there partner doesent want the child? thanks for listening everyone xx

MissChief Tue 12-Apr-05 19:21:44

poor you - if it's any consolation DH, second time round, though a great & loving father to our first, seems to have doubts and has said it will only seem real when it's born. Hope that helps in some way? so much more abstract for men even when they are already fathers . guess it might be worth thinking though if/how you could manage on your own if need be esp as you wanted a baby so much.

valentine5 Tue 12-Apr-05 19:25:46

thanks mischief,maybe he may feel different when its born but its a big thing to take a chance on hoping he will.do you think if i kept it i would be selfish? xx

NomDePlume Tue 12-Apr-05 19:28:12

Congrats on the preg.

Yes, parenthood is difficult but it is also equally wonderful.

valentine5 Tue 12-Apr-05 19:30:40

thankyou nomdeplume.its so nice to hear people congrats me makes it feel real xxx

mummytosteven Tue 12-Apr-05 19:32:32

i don't think it is a case of being selfish, but rather of how far your dp's views are going to influence your decision.

going through pregnancy and looking after a child is hard work and isn't a "selfish" thing to do.

MissChief Tue 12-Apr-05 19:32:34

sorry, yes CONGRATS of course! Not selfish at all to keep it - probably most difficult thing to do in the world, but not necessarily the worst,IMO.

almostanangel Tue 12-Apr-05 19:32:35

when you first look in your babies eyes... its worth it
when they hold your hand so tight... its worth it
when they give you their first smile ...its worth it..the look in their eyes at xmas trees ..its worth it ...when they graze their knee and call for mummy its worth it...when they bring their first painting home from playschool ,,its worth it...when they make you breakfast in bed ,,cold toast and tea with the bag still in and cold water its worth it,,when they buy or make you amothers day card its worth it ,,,i could go on forever.....yes its damn hard and it will always be you will feel that your heart is on the outside of your body when they go out and are home late ,,and say sorry mum ,,,,you wwill be perfect because darling your A MUM and thats your job!!! you will make mistakes i make them everyday..but when i am feeling fed up and one of my dd hugs me ,,wow..i am a mother and its the most painful happy beautiful thing on earth ,,so dont worry ..just enjoy it it goes so fast and all to soon they are .all growed up ,,but if you have done your job ok they will always need you ,,it doesnt take over your life it makes your life!! hugs and good luck...

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