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mad to tell people i'm preg before 12 wks?

(22 Posts)
rwar Fri 06-Feb-09 12:16:30

I'll be nearly 7 weeks pregnant when I celebrate my 30th and there's no way I'm going to get away with not drinking without giving a reason - this will be my second child, the first time my close friends guessed early on - they are very observant about these things!

I think i'll have to tell them but it's crazily early to make it public isn't it, plus there'll be people at my party who I don't know quite as well...

I'd love to hear what you think

I'm also being influenced by the fact a good friend is going through her second early miscarriage at the moment.

mrsdisorganised Fri 06-Feb-09 12:21:41

I wouldn't tell personally....but it's a bit difficult for you...can't you just hold onto a bottle of something that looks like alcoholhmm and busy yourself with party goings on....<clutches at straws!!!> double everyone elses drinks so they don't notice anyway grin...sorry I'm useless!

laweaselmys Fri 06-Feb-09 12:30:17

Actually - I'm totally in favour of telling people as soon as you know. At least then if the worst happens everyone knows why you are so upset. It is a very personal choice though.

I would be a bit concerned that you might hurt the feelings of your friend. It's a tough choice, I'd maybe let her know first and then tell everyone at the party.

rwar Fri 06-Feb-09 12:48:59

my friend knows - it makes it doubly sad that we've both been trying for about a year (telling each other everything along the way) and then got pregnant almost together. It has obviously turned this into a bit of a bitter-sweet event and i'm very aware of her loss, and not sure what i can do to make it easier for her to see me (we meet up at least twice a week) but that's another story.

sifuentes Fri 06-Feb-09 12:51:13

In my experience the only downside is that you can't then control who they tell. So I would tell close friends if you want to, but only if they are sure that they won't tell others. in my case i told my boss cos of bad MS- i found out after MC that he had told half the firm which made me very angry

Next time round for me I have decided to say that I am detoxing because I am ttc. I am a terrible liar but that is kind of true isn't it. You are trying for a healthy conception. I am also very good at walking around with a real drink and slooshing it out from time to time.

Whatevs. You'll do what feels right for you. More importantly. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

rwar Fri 06-Feb-09 12:52:56

MrsD - I've thought about doing that - but it's going to be tricky! there are generally lots of shots bought etc, i'll have to chuck mine over my shoulder! I might just tell my very close girl friends so they don't realise on the night and make a big thing of it (which they probably would!)

MmeLindt Fri 06-Feb-09 12:55:09

There was a good thread recently about how do disguise a pregnancy before 12 weeks. I will see if I can find it.

I had 2 m/c so when I got pregnant again I waited until the 12 weeks were over.

MmeLindt Fri 06-Feb-09 13:00:27 egnant#11118013This is not the one I was meaning, it was newer but there is some good advice on there.

rwar Fri 06-Feb-09 13:06:03

thank you MmeLindt!

June2009 Fri 06-Feb-09 13:17:16

I'd pretend I'm on antibiotics and can't drink or something along the lines.

We decided to tell people early (8 weeks pg) convinced that if there was a problem we would need close family support anyway.
At the 20w scan the sonographer flagged some cysts on the brain and I was so upset I did not want to tell anyone, even now that we are reassured that the cysts are "normal" I still haven't told anyone, it's too hard, too personal.

I would suggest to tell a couple of friends who can look out for you and help you blag everybody else.

One of my closest friend has been ttc for 5 years now, and an ectopic pregnancy and I'm sure it is very hard on her, she was the first person I told, I didnt want her to hear it from anyone else.

psychomum5 Fri 06-Feb-09 13:25:03

why is it mad???

surely if, god forbid the worst happen, you would want your friends to know so that they could be there for you to talk to, understand you greiving etc.

I told people as soon as I knew (bar work) simply because as much as I wanted them to share my thrill and my joy, I also knew I would want them their for me if I needed their help for sad reasons.

congratulations BTW

rwar Fri 06-Feb-09 13:30:35

june2009 so sorry to hear about your experience, i really value your advice. they found heart abnormalities in my first and i was the same, i only told my mum and dad about it because i couldn't bear to have people advising me to have further tests etc etc. It all turned out to be fine though, you are almost given too much info these days, apparently it wouldn't have even been picked up at other hospitals and we'd have been spared the heartache. Glad to hear cysts are normal, and congratulations!

drewie Fri 06-Feb-09 13:39:28

I told people at 7 weeks because I was very bloated, not drinking and spending too much time in the loo, either weeing or being sick, so it was becoming obvious to people, particulalry at work. I subsequently lost that baby but I do not regret telling anyone because I really felt I had so much more support than I would have done if I had kept it secret. It's up to you but I was never very good at keeping secrets wink. I am now expecting again and plan to tell everyone soon!

scifinerd Fri 06-Feb-09 13:42:34

I always have to tell people early on as from 6 weeks I am normally too sick to leave the house and the strain of coming up with lie after lie would get too much so I'd just tell everyone the truth. For me it is easier to just tell. Also, as I would want people to know if, heaven forbid, something went wrong, so they could know why I was upset then they may as well know early on. But so personal, its really up to you. I just don't think it is a big deal to tell early on.

I also wonder if this business of waiting three months is rooted in history when women were blamed for miscarrages so did not tell people till they were more sure of a successful pregnancy. But that is just an hypothesis.

Gorionine Fri 06-Feb-09 13:45:01

I always told people as soon as I new! far to exited to do anything else!

tinierclanger Fri 06-Feb-09 13:53:51

It is different for different people. I only told the people that I would have told if I miscarried, which is only a few. Some people would want to share that information more widely and get support, but for me it helped when I did miscarry that most people were unaware and around them I could distract myself by carrying on as normal.

Personally if you feel a bit reluctant to publicise I'd go with the old 'antibiotics' favourite, worked for me.

And congratulations!

memoo Fri 06-Feb-09 13:57:22

I'm nearly 7 weeks too and I have told people. My last pregnancy was ectopic, it ruptured at 10 weeks and I was so glad that people knew because I had the most wonderful support network to see me through.

MadreInglese Fri 06-Feb-09 13:57:59

congrats rwar

you could always pretend that you had far far too much to drink the night before and the hangover is so bad you're on soft drinks

or if you're telling a couple of friends who will keep it to themselves get them to buy you lime & sodas or lemonade all night to look like G&T or similar - by the time people have had a few drinks no-one will notice what you're drinking

MrsMattie Fri 06-Feb-09 14:00:22

Really tricky one. I kept my first pregnancy from almost everyone (except for a few close relatives) until 12 weeks. Nobody guessed, despite the fact that i quite my 20 a day smoking habit overnight and stopped going out for boozy nights 3-4 nights a week after work hmm grin

Second pregnancy I told friends as well as family at 6 weeks - then miscarried a week later sad. It was very upsetting and I wish I hadn't told anyone sad. However, a good friend pointed out to me that it was for the best that people knew what I was going through, as it gave me the space to grieve and get better, rather than trying to keep it a secret and battling on. True, I guess.

Third pregnancy I told very close family by about 8 weeks, my best friends at 12 weeks, and then everyone else only found out when I got a bump at about 16-18 weeks! grin. There were some dodgy nights when I had to tell all sorts of fibs to get out of drinking (I had a chest infection and was on antibiotics for ages, apparently grin).

Good luck xx

rwar Fri 06-Feb-09 14:26:20

thanks for all your advice
think i'll tell a select few and hide it from the others somehow

Meglet Fri 06-Feb-09 14:31:05

I told most people at 8 weeks with my pregnancies. I was tired and sick and figured that if anything went wrong I'd be so upset that I wouldn't be able to hide it. I also podged out early both times and it looked bloomin' obvious on my skinny body.

horrorcomic Fri 06-Feb-09 14:51:25

Its very personal. From experience I have found it doesn't make it any more/less difficult if something goes wrong, in terms of how you feel if people know or not. In fact it means you don't have to explain your behaviour to any one that matters.

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