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3rd timester and still not really looking forward to having this baby.

(21 Posts)
needtodohousework Mon 02-Feb-09 21:20:31

Pregnancy was unplanned. DD still only 13 months.

- I feel like shit the whole time
- I look like shit
- I have turned down so much wanted and needed work because of this baby (I have no choice).
- We are so skint
- Everytime I do something with DD and think "oh this time next year it will be lovely as she will be old enough for x, y and z". And then 2 mins later I think "oh no, actually I will have a baby the same sort of age tagging along"
- I feel like I am going to loose all my 1 to 1 time with my DD
- I feel like I haven't enjoyed some of the most valuable months of my DDs life because of being pregnant and feeling crap.
- I am absolutly dreading the sleepless nights. I know everybody hates them, but I feel panicky and sick just even thinking about them. DD is going through a bad sleeping patch and I just feel drained. I remember the early months where we would be up for the day at 5am and up every hour through the night. I honestly don't know how I am going to cope with this again.
- I am also very very worried about the birth.
- My house is going to be a bombsite - I can bearly keep it tidy as it is.
- Me and DH are constantly arguing. everything seems to be realated to this pregnancy/baby.

needtodohousework Mon 02-Feb-09 21:21:32

I know it sounds awful but I just can't feel excited about this pregnancy.

DD was unplanned too but within days of finding out I was pregant we were SO excited. I am now nearly 30 weeks.

mumzee Mon 02-Feb-09 21:29:31

Please try to get someone to help around the house and with child care. Perhaps you can work from home and sustain the help. Or ask friends and family to help out with various tasks such as grocery shopping, babysitting etc - you'll be amazed how people love to help out someone who will soon be bringing a beautiful baby into this world.

kwaker5 Mon 02-Feb-09 21:35:37

No advice really but I feel similar with a 2.3yo to look after at 24 weeks. I have finally stopped feeling sick but feel so tired and crappy compared with last pregnancy, and have been ill loads.

I am just hoping that a newborn and a toddler will be better than PG with a toddler - quite a few people have told me it is. But yes, dreading the lack of sleep and getting over the birth (I have to have a CS) with a toddler to look after.

Not sure there ever is a 'right' time to have a second child but imagine it will be easier in the long run when they will amuse one another. The close ages of your two should mean your DD doesn't really notice the arrival of her brother/sister. The same probably can't be said at the age my DS is!

needtodohousework Mon 02-Feb-09 21:48:40

I already work from home - I am a childminder. I basically have been desperate for work since DD was born. I am finally getting people wanting childcare but they are all babies and you can only have 1 baby under 1 - which will be this baby.

I was thinking about asking my sister to have my DD tomorrow as she is off for the day because of the snow. I am off too so I could get the house sorted a bit. BUT it means taking the risk of driving in the snow? Is it worth the risk? I don't often get the chance to have a day to myself so not sure what to do!

mumzee Mon 02-Feb-09 21:59:03

My son is 14 months and I have a significant number of hours to myself during the day and I'm guessing your little one woud allow you the same. DH and I have breakfast together before he wakes up at 8-8:30 and then at 11am he takes a one to one and a half hour nap after his bath which gives me time to sort things around the house, cook etc. We both have lunch at 1pm and then by 3:30 or so he is asleep again and doesn't wake up till 5 or half five which again gives me some time for myself. He has dinner at 6 and is asleep by 7 or so which leaves plenty of time to have a cozy meal with hubby and cuddle up for a bit. Try and create some moments for hubby and yourself - just a bit of warmth and tenderness will make this easier for you and keep you in a positive state of mind.

Salem1 Mon 02-Feb-09 22:10:49

Can your family look after DD for a few days so you can just recoup?

Please find someone to talk to/that will listen to you without judgement so you can just release yourself or see your doctor.

needtodohousework Mon 02-Feb-09 22:12:34

Your day sounds lovely mumzee. Mine isn't that easy I am afraid. More like:

7.00am - get up and ready for mindees to arrive
7.45am - Mindees start to arrive. So have them to sort out
8am (ISH) - DD get up, have quick nappy change, dressed and bottle of milk
8.30am -Leave for school run
9 am - back from school run, give DD breakfast and usually try to get out the house (church, walk, group).
12pm - DD Lunch and then nap - Usually doesn't eat
During nap time - I always have so much to do, sometimes get a chance to have something to eat but have such a long list of stuff that never gets completed.
2pm - DD gets up and has something more to eat as she hasn't eaten lunch.
3.10 - get in car for school run
3.45 - Home
Activities with Mindees
5.30pm - mindess go home
6pm. Dinner, Bath and then watch a bit of TV to calm down (she is a very hyper baby)
7pm onwards - Bed. BUT the last few weeks has been up and down till midnight ish so we can never fully relax, she screams and doesn't sleep. Even if she does sleep, I have tonnes of housework, paperwork, advertising etc to do (I also run a very small buisness).

needtodohousework Mon 02-Feb-09 22:15:43

I might be able to get people to start looking after DD for a few hours at a time but it is hard for longer than that. She won't sleep in a travel cot or anything like that.

mumzee Mon 02-Feb-09 22:50:52

Every child is different hence I would never suggest that you try and change what you feel works for your little one but perhaps she is not getting enough during the day and is over-tired at night. I noticed that my son ever missed out on a nap then for sure we had problems at night. Also, I have always given him a bath between 10:30 and 11am. This way he is not too tired to enjoy his bath and yet enjoys a wonderful nap thereafter. It might sound unusual but its nice to have 2 nap slots during the day for the baby and for yourself. Also, if you push her lunch by an hour, she will be hungry and eat in one go. The mid day nap will leave her in a playful mood for most of the afternoon and by 3-4 she will surely want some milk and a nap. All these are just random suggestions but I do think that watching tv before bedtime is not such a good idea. Lying in bed and reading nursery rhymes or sing-a-longs would be much nicer. Make a habit of it and your little one will know that this is mummy's special time with her and will also associate this with sleeptime. Try and focus on why she's screaming...digestion problems perhaps? Some gripe water might help. Is she teething? Some teething gelp might be good just before bedtime. If you can figure out what is it thats making her upset, I'm sure you'll get around to solving it. Goodluck!

mumzee Mon 02-Feb-09 22:53:11

Typo in the 2nd line:
I meant perhaps she is not getting enough sleep during the day

needtodohousework Mon 02-Feb-09 22:58:53

We have gone through all those options mumzee and have had several threads on her sleep etc. She is teething and has been ill non stop since the beguining of december. She used to sleep 7pm till at least 7am, usually till I wake her for school run. We have tried everything with the 2 naps - it doesn't work for her at all. It used to, but not now.

And I don't see why 20 mins of TV is so bad either. It is the only way she calms down enough to go to sleep. And yes I do read to her, singing etc as well, she doens't just watch TV all the time.

And we have tried teething gels, powders, calpol, neofen, etc etc etc nothing helps her sleep.

Saying all this, she has just slept all evening for the first time in weeks

RobynLou Mon 02-Feb-09 23:13:51

the prospect of a second child so soon is scary, but you will be fine, the house will be a state and it'll be hard having 2 to take around everywhere but number 2 will fit in somehow. dd1's sleep may not improve and you will be exhausted for a while but in a couple of years you will have 2 lovely children close enough in age to play together, entertain each other and you will get some time back.
another year will go by very quickly and you'll be able to look after babies again.
do you remember the first time you held/fed/bathed dd? can you spend 5 mins before you go to sleep each night recalling those moments in detail, conjuring up those feelings? take deep breaths, focus on remembering those moments and thinking how amazing it will be to feel that again.
good luck

mumzee Mon 02-Feb-09 23:14:08

Enjoy the moment for now! Remember, eventually all this will be behind us and these little ones will be standing tall before us making us proud. Hang in there sweets:-)

needtodohousework Mon 02-Feb-09 23:21:02

I am hoping these antibiotics DD has will help her finally become well again. She is just always on a low immune system from one illness, so catches something else. She has had a bad cough for over 2 months shock This wakes her up a lot and makes her grumpy as she is too tired and wants to sleep.

needtodohousework Tue 03-Feb-09 10:21:19

After all that talk about sleep - DD amazingly slept from 6pm till 9am! So hoping this is her getting back to normal as she used to be an excellent sleeper.

Annoying because I could have actually gone to bed at 7pm yesterday - I was tired enough but thought I was in for a hellish evening with DD, especially after she went to bed early. So I was constantly waiting for her to wake up.

Millie26 Tue 03-Feb-09 19:48:07

Looking at your day it seems like you have a lot of pies and are running out of fingers.

I know from experience that having a job and also dealing with a v small business is so demanding plus you have DD, your pregnancy and a load of other people's kids every day - you are amazing!

Can you give something up? I know you said you are skint but is the small business working? Is the effort you put into it really worth what you get out?

Letting go of that would mentally free some space too. Is there something else you can do that is less pressure on you? I did tutoring for 18 months and it was the easiest money I ever made. I taught English to Primary school kids and the Infants I taught were brilliant - basically played games with them for an hour.

Can you combine your childminding with something like that?

What does DH do? Can he look after DD and the new baby for an hour a few times a week? Tutoring just three children a week will give you an extra £75 ish cash in hand or you could do groups? With little extra effort.

needtodohousework Tue 03-Feb-09 19:59:47

Surely you need to be a qualified teacher to tutor though?

Don't really want to drop the bussiness, as then everything I have done would be for nothing. I am earning a bit of "pocket money" sort of thing, but the income from it is rising every month and the work load is getting less. I do most of it online and I love being online in general so it isn't THAT bad if you see what I mean?

Millie26 Tue 03-Feb-09 20:37:57

That sounds really good - if its working then def go for it!

Scarily, you dont need to be qualified to be a tutor.

I joined an agency at first where you needed a degree I think (Google personal tutors) but they take £4.50 for every session you do which is annoying although they put in touch with people looking for a tutor so it's a good way to start.

After a couple of months I started getting word of mouth kiddies, usually siblings or best friends of the children I was teaching and it snowballed. I was working full time and teaching 9 a week at one point as I did Saturdays too - an extra £200 a week! You usually have to travel to them though but if DH could help out?

Am going on ML next week and will def do tutoring once this baby is a few months old. For little ones you can make up learning games etc. It's incredible how much you can help a child with one to one attention on the things they struggle with, it's just common sense, you dont need a qualification for it and it's immensely satisfying.

Millie26 Tue 03-Feb-09 20:40:32

(Sorry, I dont mean to bang on about the tutoring, I just found it a really good second income.)

needtodohousework Tue 03-Feb-09 22:02:29

Thanks for that. DH can help but he works shifts so it is really hard to plan when he will be here for babysitting etc.

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