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Pregnant with second baby..Am I the only one freaking out??

(79 Posts)
mica23 Thu 23-Oct-08 12:35:46

I am 5 weeks pregnant with our second child and our first one is only 13 months old.She is really good baby and my treasure.I am completely freeking out now, how will I cope, what if new baby is a cryer, how will my DD take it...List goes on but you get the drift.I really want this baby like I wanted the firs one but think that getting pregnant now was a stupid and selfish thing to do..Oh, boy.What have I done!

conkertree Thu 23-Oct-08 12:41:39

i thought that too mica even though we made the conscious decision to try for our second. I got pg on the first attempt and I dont for a moment think I'm anything but lucky for that having read the problems that lots of people have ttc, but I was still pretty down for a while thinking that I would have spoiled things for ds (who was about the same age as your dd - now nearly 15 months, and I'm 14 weeks).

I felt really selfish and as if we'd rushed into number 2, and not given ds enough time on his own, but the more I thought about it, and the more I read on here about age gaps, it does sound like there is no absolutely perfect age gap, but also no disastrous age gap.

The benefits to being close in age as I'm sure you know anyway are they may well be really close as they get older, your dd will notice the new baby, but they will get used to them much sooner than if they were older, and after a while wont remember life before the baby so hopefully wont resent them being there as much as possibly an older child would, amongst other benefits.

sorry for long post - but i am partly trying to convince myself too grin. Now that I'm passed the sickness stage and have seen the 12 week scan, I am so much more excited than I was, and I'm sure you will be too.

Flum Thu 23-Oct-08 12:43:46

Oh well too late now!

The first year is the hardest but the loveliest. Just don't organise too many dinner parties for 12 in the first 3 months as come the day you will wish you hadn't....

Boyswillbeboys Thu 23-Oct-08 12:43:53

Don't panic! I was exactly the same, felt like I could barely cope with the first one sometimes and how would I manage with two? But when the time comes, you just have to cope, so you do! (mine are 20months apart) Try to get as much help as you can, and try to involve your DD as much as possible, I used to get my DS1 to help me change nappies by passing me the wipes etc so he didn't feel left out. As long as she still feels special, I am sure your DD will love to have a younger brother or sister and the age gap will be small so they will be great friends growing up together. Congratulations and good luck smile

conkertree Thu 23-Oct-08 12:46:58

meant to say - one thing i worry about is not being able to prepare ds properly because he doesnt have the same understanding as an older child would, but he'll be 20 months by the time its born, so will understand more next year.

was thinking of getting him a doll a month or two beforehand and playing at changing nappies etc, putting it to bed, so that he's got a bit of an idea what a baby might be like. Also my sil is due in January so we will go and see that baby lots too.

the thing i keep in my head is that i want to have at least 2 children, if not three or at a push 4, so overall I am happy to be having number 2 now, and although it will be hard to start with, it probably would be at any age.

sorry i am waffling again but this thread strikes a chord with me.

MrsTittleMouse Thu 23-Oct-08 12:53:48

I've just had my second - there is a 24 month age gap. I had thought that all the preparation that we did with DD1 in the third trimester was probably worthless - actually she seems to have taken a lot of the information in - things like babies cry a lot, babies sleep a lot, babies drink milk from their Mummies, babies need their nappies changed (actually that one was easy as DD1 is still in nappies herself).

She "helps" me change nappies and is completely unfazed by DD2 crying (we have been very matter-of-fact about it). In fact the biggest problem that I have at the moment is that DD1 is too interested and would love to pick DD2 up. DD2 goes behind the baby gate whenever I have to leave the room, even for a couple of seconds!

It's still early days for me, so there is the potential that I'll struggle more when DD2 is mobile etc., but despite a couple of simultaneous meltdowns, I've done OK. I have significantly lowered my standards about what should get done in the day, I think that helps. As long as we're all fed, watered and reasonably clean, everything else is the icing on the cake.

Chooster Thu 23-Oct-08 12:58:09

I felt the same panic although there's a bigger age gap between my DS's (3 years). So my bigger worry was having DS1 feel left out - just things like, how on earth am I going to breastfeed for an hour at a time with a small child!

But it all been much easier than I'd even dreamed of. And its not like DS2 is a angel baby - he is of course amazing but certianly more vocal than DS1 and not as good as sleeping etc - but even then he is still the best addition to the family. Seeing DS1 and DS2 play is so much fun and I know we did the right thing for DS1. The biggest smiles from DS2 are the ones he saves for his big brother smile.

What you are feeling is totally natural in my limited experience and it will all be fine! smile

UmMwahahahaaaaa Thu 23-Oct-08 13:01:10

MrsTittlemouse, I stopped my dd (2.5 and fairly logical/sensible) trying to pick up ds by letting her try to pick him up when I was there. He was too heavy and so she went 'oh i can't'. Mind you, ds is massive. grin

To OP, being preg with toddler is harder than newborn and toddler (IMO). I love, love, love being a mum of two. Ds is now 3 months, dd 2.5 and it has strengthened my bond with her over this tiny little baby. Enjoy it!

MKGisHavingaGirl Thu 23-Oct-08 13:01:55

I have the same age gap as you will Mica and when ds2 was 12 months I found out I was pregnant with this baby. So will have 20-21 months between each.

It is wonderful and hard at the same time. The boys love each other so much, and laugh together all the time, but but still fight over toys, but ds2 loves any attention ds1 gives him. They sleep in the same room now and are constantly laughing each other to sleep.

It will be fine.

MrsTittleMouse Thu 23-Oct-08 13:07:11

Um - maybe I should try that when DD2 is a little older. DD1 is big and DD2 is still only a few weeks old (but putting on weight like crazy, just like her big sister). So I would worry that at the moment DD1 could pick her up!

sherbetdipdab Thu 23-Oct-08 13:10:48

My DD is 8 weeks old and DS was 13 months when she was born, I wanted another baby but was not trying and was very shocked and also blush upset when I found out I was pregnant.

I did the test and went back to the living room where DS was lying in his baby gym, still a helpless baby, still being breastfed exclusively, still completely dependent on me and I felt like I was replacing him with another baby. I felt slightly ashamed all during my 2nd pregnancy.

When DD arrived I had about 48hrs of shock where I looked at her and thought "Do I know you?" but then I looked at her and DS and felt such a rush.

DP also said that we were giving DS the best thing we could ever give him, a sibling.

And the others are right, pregnancy with a toddler is soooo much worse than a newborn and a toddler.

Although my DS does try to "help" with the baby sometimes........

roseability Thu 23-Oct-08 13:25:53

I am so glad I found this thread!

I am 6 weeks pregnant with number 2 and DS will be 3.2 if this one makes it.

We have been ttc for a while and definately planned, but now I am actually pregnant I am freaking out!

I feel so sick and tired and DS is not well so we are having a tough time. DS was not an easy baby (although he is a darling now) and I didn't always cope brilliantly. I am reaasured by your posts. That it is natural to have these feelings, that I will be able to get more excited when I feel better and pass the 12 week scan etc.

I know it won't be easy but I would love DS to have a sibling so here goes...

sherbetdipdab Thu 23-Oct-08 13:28:37

Just realised I sounded very negative, honestly it did get easier, once I stopped throwing up every 2 minutes and got my head around double buggies and stopped stressing about how I would cope.....

Its lovely and I would highly recommend it smile

roseability Thu 23-Oct-08 13:29:24

sherbetdipdab your post is particularly reassuring. I am finding pregnancy with a toddler really tough

I am glad things are going well. I know it must be hard at times with 2 under 2 but so worth it. Particularly in the long run when they grow close. I would have preferred a smaller gap in some ways.

mica23 Thu 23-Oct-08 13:34:12

Thank you all..Its good to know that things are not as bad as they seem.Conkertree you are not waffling; reading your post is like listening whats going on in my head.Its quite reassuring!!Good luck in January..

2Helenback Thu 23-Oct-08 13:34:58

So glad it's not just me. Dd will be 23 months when the new baby arrives, and I've been feeling very conflicted about it. I lie in bad first thing cuddling up and wonder how another tiny body will affect our beautiful dynamic.

Also, being older and having refused all tests other than scans I do really have bleak moments worrying about how we will all cope if new baby has any problems. Not so much me, but the impact it could have on dd's life. I really should just try to enjoy this pregnancy as the last one was very stressful.

midnightexpress Thu 23-Oct-08 13:36:49

The wisest thing I ever read on MN was someone who said that when number two comes along, you don't halve the love, you double it. It is very true, so please don't worry about that. You are giving your DD a sibling and that is a wonderful thing, not at all selfish.

I have 14 months between my two, had two emergency CS, am ancient, and ds2 was (and is grin) a right handful, but in spite of all that, it's wonderful having two. It's knackering, but gets easier, and now that they are nearly 3 and nearly 2, they entertain each other and demand to see each other as soon as they get up in the morning (just before they start wrestling cars out of each other's hands...).

roseability Thu 23-Oct-08 13:37:55

2helenback - I have the same worries. I think it is normal to have an element of worry with any pregnancy, first,second or third!

I just look around at all the siblings I know and think 'well their parents did it so why can't I?!'

My DH is one of 4!

roseability Thu 23-Oct-08 13:40:26

That's great midnightexpress! I like to think that although I will be knackered and no doubt stressed at times it won't be the smae shock I felt with number 1. I was a bit naive about babies and found it tough. Now I know it is bloody hard work and sheer exhaustion but I also know all the great moments that come with motherhood as well

mica23 Thu 23-Oct-08 13:41:34

Yes, its tough.Im going for tests (I think) but with them comes the treat of MC..Kind of ; between rock and a hard wall.Best of luck, its hard not to worry.
I find myself just looking at DD1 and then just showering her in hugs and kisses like Im building up a store for the future times..

roseability Thu 23-Oct-08 13:42:47

It is another big change going from one to two

Bubbaluv Thu 23-Oct-08 13:51:44

This thread has come as such a relief to me.
I've been really down in the dumps since I found out I was pregnant again. There will be a 19 month gap between my 2 and number 2 was totally unplanned and a real shock. blush I had planned to have another (and another) but to have the timing taken out of my control has really thrown me. I'm not normally a control freak, but this has really shaken me up. Maybe I'm a control freak in denial?
Anyway, glad to hear happy stories and reservations overcome. smile

Bubbaluv Thu 23-Oct-08 13:56:25

mica23, there was a really interesting post on MN a week or so ago talking about the risks of amnio etc. Basically it was outing the "1:100 risk" as 30 years out of date and missing a 0 or two.
It might be worth a look to help relieve some stress if you're going to have the tests?

mamakim Thu 23-Oct-08 13:59:01

My ds is 14 months and i'm 12 weeks pregnant. This baby was planned but i'm still getting my head around it. I just feel guilty as my ds is still such a little baby and i just can't imagine how he'll be with a newborn. But he'll be 21 months then so hopefully he'll understand more. It doesn't help that so far i've been feeling terrible with this pregnancy which has at times almost made me regret getting pregnant.

roseability Thu 23-Oct-08 14:00:48

I can empathise with those feelings mamakim!

I feel shocking!

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