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Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

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Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

Pregnancy

Ive just lost my baby, what happens now

26 replies

coolj · 23/09/2008 08:17

I went for my 12 wk scan yesterday and baby hadnt developed since my 8 wk scan and had actually started to be digested in my womb.. Ive been told to go back today to discuss what will happen next. My partner doesnt want to go as he is gutted and really upset. Does anyone know what they are likely to do to me.

OP posts:

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RGPargy · 23/09/2008 08:22

No answers for you, but just wanted to offer my sympathies xx

SaintRiven · 23/09/2008 08:22

I'm so sorry. This happenend to me. You may miscarry naturally or they may offer youa D&C.

largeginandtonic · 23/09/2008 08:24

Firstly tell your partner to get a grip and support you. Do NOT go alone.

They will offer you a D&C, a light anaesthetic (about 10-15mins) and will remove the remaining bits. That may not happen today though, depends on how busy they are.

You could leave it to nature and your body will probably miscarriage naturally. Many chose the first option as the wait can be torturous.

You poor thing, what an awful shock.

chapstickchick · 23/09/2008 08:26

Im sorry for you too,dont go alone xx

Pushpinia · 23/09/2008 08:28

I am so sorry

it must have been a terrible shock.

littlelapin · 23/09/2008 08:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ajm200 · 23/09/2008 08:36

I'm so sorry, can't offer any advice.

babyignoramus · 23/09/2008 09:43

I can't offer any advice. All I can say is I believe that things happen for a reason and this little soul wasn't meant to be. Your DP needs to go to support you, please don't lt him make you go alone.

StealthPolarBear · 23/09/2008 09:46

I am so sorry xx

hecate · 23/09/2008 09:48

I am so sorry for your loss. I don't know what will happen next, but I do know that whatever it is, you cannot do it alone. his loss is not greater than yours and it's not fair of him to leave you alone like this. It is when life throws these terrible things at you that you need to get closer and lean on each other.

Don't go alone. If he is not there for you, find someone else (mum, friend) but I don't know how you could forgive him after that.

igivein · 23/09/2008 10:10

I really feel for you Coolj. This happened to me twice. The most important thing is that you can choose whether to have a D&C or wait and miscarry naturally, and you don't have to decide what to do immediately, it's ok to take time to think. The first time I miscarried naturally before I'd come to a decision, the second time I opted for a D&C, as I found out at an early scan and a natural miscarriage would probably not happen for a few weeks if things happened as they had previously. I don't think one option is better than the other - it's just what's right for you. I agree with what others have said though - you need support now and in the coming weeks, when you'll probably just feel desparate to be pregnant again (I know I did). It's also important to try to remember that just because this pregnancy wasn't to be, the next one could be fine.

coolj · 23/09/2008 12:33

Hi all, thanks for all your kind words and support. My DP decided he wanted to come after all but I told him to stay at home with our DS3. I felt I could cope better without him. I went to hospital and had a chat with a very nice, caring nurse. I was offered a D&C whenever they could fit me in, miscarry naturally or go back Thurs for a pessary to start things moving and to go back Sat, to stay in all day and wait for my womb to 'clear out'. I opted for the pessary but when I got home I think things may have started naturally as I have started bleeding a bit. Hopefully it will all come out at home.

As for having any more kids, I feel blessed to have 3 gorgeous healthy boys and felt my family was complete. When I found out I was pregnant it came as a massive shock and I dont think I ever fully came to terms with it. Whereas my DP was already talking about names etc. I think I just kept myself detatched from the whole thing. I know it sounds horrible but thats just how I felt. My DP is still convinced that the hospital has made a mistake. He is in denial and is trying hard to cope. I have an attitude that things happen for a reason and its natures way of doing something about something if things are not right.

Anyway good luck to all you pregnant ladies out there and those trying to get pregnant. Take care. xx

OP posts:

piratecat · 23/09/2008 12:36

sorry to hear this coolj, you are being really brave, and it's good that you can look at it this way.

I guess we never know how other people will cope/react to things.

take care x

ameliesmumvic · 23/09/2008 13:09

Coolj, sorry to hear what happened today and wanted to share my storey...

I started to bleed at 12 weeks and was told the baby had stopped developing at 6 weeks. I was told to go home and return in a week to contfirm that the feotus had definately died. After a week I returned and was offered a D&C, which I had because we were going away and I wanted to begin to deal with what had happened. It was terrible - our first pregnancy which had such a cruel ending.

Anyway, exactly 12 months TO THE DAY after all this happened I had the most beautiful baby girl in the world.

I know it wont help but just thought this might make you feel a tiny bit better about the future. Hope you're ok and good luck.

WorzselMummage · 23/09/2008 14:17

Sorry for your loss

This happened to me too in feb.

WorzselMummage · 23/09/2008 14:17

Sorry for your loss

This happened to me too in feb.

earthpixie · 23/09/2008 16:42

This happened to me the day before we were getting married (postponed wedding for 10 months). You'll have a D&C or be advised to wait until the MC happens naturally. I opted for the op as I didn't want to be in suspense as well as emotionally traumatised.

You have my deep sympathy

gem1981 · 23/09/2008 17:54

had to leave you a post saying how sorry i am for you.

you are being really brave.

x

LoveActually · 23/09/2008 17:59

So sorry, you sound really strong. A similar thing happened to one of my friends earlier this year, luckily she's pregnant again (30 weeks) but it's so traumatic when it happens. My heart goes out to you. xx

coolj · 23/09/2008 18:12

Thanks ladies for sharing your stories. You are ALL very brave and at least are through the other side. My DP has finally accepted things have sadly come to an end and has come out of his depressive state. He had been through 4 MC before with his ex wife and she was quite far on each time. Councelling did no good for him as he had 'heard it all before'. Im lucky as I am a strong person and am dealing with it in a clinical kind of way.
The bleeding has so far stopped so its probable that I still will have to go to hospital Thurs/Sat.

OP posts:

HelenCS · 23/09/2008 18:59

Hiya

I no what your going through and even though its tough now it does get better.

I lost my first baby end of november last year, was told it hadnt grown since an emergency scan at 6 weeks and this was a 10 week dating scan so i had been miscarrying for over a month without them realising. My consultant had actually told me the bleeding might be NORMAL and to ignore it which is why i did and went a month without even realising i had lost it.
I had a d & c the same day as i couldnt cope having this 'thing' in me, but its different for eveyone it just depends how you feel.

But on the upside, i got pregnant again and have had a relativley easy pregnancy this time and am expecting a little girl the weekend after next.

So just because you lost this one doesnt mean you wont go on to have a healthy baby next time xxxx

ruddynorah · 23/09/2008 19:11

this happened to me on monday too. routine 12 week dating scan showed baby had stopped developing at 8 weeks and had no heart beat

i'd had, and still have had, no bleeding, no pain, no nothing.

booked in for erpc on thursday. i still have dreadful morning sickness

so, instead of spending monday telling friends and family we were expecting dc2, we were instead arranging childcare for dd for my appointment on thursday.

grim.

JRocks · 23/09/2008 19:14

Coolj and ruddynorah, so sorry for your losses.

bikerunski · 23/09/2008 19:17

Ladies, you are all very brave. I count myself very fortunate that I have never had to face this. Lovely heartwarming story from Ameliesmumvic though.

rrrayray · 23/09/2008 20:00

:-( Please please don't go alone!!!! My thoughts are with you. xxxxxx

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