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Worried will not like my 2nd LO as I do my first

(17 Posts)
sparklingfairy Sun 21-Sep-08 18:50:30

I know, same old story, but I keep worrying about it.
I have a DD whom I wanted so dearly and far more than I wanted a DS. She came first and I was delighted because the pressure was off, for second pregnancy.
Now I am 30weeks pregnant and expecting a DS.
I should be delighted, everyone always says they would like to have one of each.
I was never bothered, neither was my DH, if we had 2 DD's.

We were both, initialy, over the moon to be expecting a DS, then DH told me that there was a little part of him disappointed cos he had been dreaming of his 2 DD's without reallising that he had been.
Me too.
I have 2 neices, so I think that is why our minds went down that road.
DH has come round and is excited about having a DS but now I am still frightened.

I held a wee party for DD's birthday the other day and whilst another mother was there she changed her sons nappy and I got a full view. No prob really except I just thought eurgh.
I can't help feeling that DD's, and mine, are so much neater.(god, sounds so stoopid)
But I also fear for how rough the boys are, how little they ever seem to listen when reprimanded or even just called.
My DD is a dream, what if I treat my DS differently and get exasperated with him where I wouldn't with DD?

I wonder, do I even comunicate with this bump as I did with DD, but that is prob cos it was just me and bump then, now DD takes attention away.

It is all just so silly and probably perfectly normal.
But please tell me that I am not already alienating myself from my sonsad

SoupDragon Sun 21-Sep-08 18:53:52

Trust me. Boy nappies are far easier to change than girl ones.

Boys are more boisterous but are more cuddly (big generalisation )

You will fall in love with him as soon as you lay eyes on him. This is why I think finding the sex out before is good - I wanted DS2 to be a girl, found out he was a boy and got any disappointment/sadness out of the way before he was born. Needless to say I loved him to bits from the very first second and I'm glad it wasn't tinged with any kind of sinking feeling one hearing "it's a boy!".

missygoo Sun 21-Sep-08 19:08:41

That's what I am frightened of, being given my DS and thinking oh, but I wanted a DD, are you sure??

Then the blues, that we all get, will I get over them or will I stoopidly convince myself it is cos I just don't love him the same?

It is irrational, I know this, but I can't stop my fears from swimming about in my headsad

(had a wee name change, I think RL may be looking in on me and I don't want them to. Stupidly told someone my MN nickname, can't think why nowhmm)

whomovedmychocolate Sun 21-Sep-08 19:17:13

I was exactly the same a few months ago (DD is 23 months, DS is nine weeks). I wanted another girl, took me ages to come to terms with being pregnant with a boy. Had a bad pregnancy and spent a month in hospital away from breastfed DD who came in each day and left in floods of tears (both of us did actually) and really resented the pregnancy and the baby.

When he was born (by caesarian in the end so didn't even get the birth I wanted) I was fairly cool towards him for about twelve hours and then, gradually I started to fall in love with him. After a few days he was definitely mine if you know what I mean and DD liked him - which helped.

There have been hiccups, it's so hard the first few weeks because DD was used to having 100% of my attention and obviously is in the major tantrum period of her life as well but we weathered it and things are settling down.

I love them both differently, DS doesn't have much of a personality yet, but he's so quiet compared to DD and we love that - he only ever cries if he wants something, where she yelled constantly. He sleeps. By god, he sleeps. She has never slept more than 10 hours in 24 so quite honestly they both have a lot going for them.

In six months time, I know that they will both be playing together and he'll be invited to her dolls tea parties.

What I'm saying is, it's normal to feel like this and it doesn't matter. Things do work out. BTW have a look at the second pic on my profile to see how they felt about each other, this was on the day he was born.

bella29 Sun 21-Sep-08 20:24:20

I was so completely smitten with my ds that I couldn't imagine loving my second (dd) but I do, every bit as much as my first. My dd was really overdue and I even convinced myself she wasn't coming because she wasn't really wanted, and got myself into a right tizzy.
I agree with whomoved (just love that name, btw) that I love them differently because they are very different little people, but I couldn't honestly say I love one more than the other, except of course when one of them has written on the walls, chased the cat, or done something like that!
You will love him, I promise wink

IndigoBlue Sun 21-Sep-08 22:20:27

I felt the same, I had a dd and thought I didn't mind if second baby was boy or girl but when we found out at the scan it was a boy I felt awful that I wasn't really happy about it even though I wanted to be.

I came round to the idea by the time he was born but I don't think it helped he was in special care for 2 weeks so it was harder to bond initially. I thought that when he was born I wouldn't mind anymore but I still kept looking at him and thinking I can't believe I've got a boy and that I'd never get used to it.

He's 4 months now and it took a couple of months before I got over the boy thing but I totally don't mind anymore, he has won me over and your baby will too. I love him as much as dd and wish I hadn't spent all that time worrying.

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore Sun 21-Sep-08 22:25:23

girls fight. from birth. my sister has one of each similar ages to my dds they are lovely with each other. my two enjoy hurting each other. dd1 is nearly five and dd2 16 months and it has started already.

neice and nephew otoh are so loving. he bear hugs her to the ground and she strokes his hair. as opposed to dd1 deliberately tripping over newly walking dd2 and dd2 enjoying grabbong handfulls of dd1's hair and not letting go untill she is prised off.

missygoo Sun 21-Sep-08 22:28:10

Those are just lovely pics of your DD whomovedmychocsmile

That is another of my fears. They are talking of C section for this LO and I really feel that would distance me from him by making me feel like I didn't really bring him here IYSWIM

I have no doubt that DD will love him very much. He is already part of her evening routine, Mummy cuddle+kiss, daddy cuddle+kiss, baby cuddle+kisssmile

Oh bella I feel for you, feeling that way right up to, and beyond the day you were due. I still have 10 weeks and am really hoping that these irrational feelings will have eased by then.

I am not sure that I should have found out in advance about the sex. It has given me waay to much time to think and worry.
Normally we don't get told up here, I had a scan done in a hospital south. That was how I found out.

pamplemousse Sun 21-Sep-08 22:28:22

Its good to see others felt like this and it was resolved. I am not even pregnant yet with dc2, just pondering the idea as would like another but so over the moon with gorgeous dd that its making me question whether I even want another!
Nice to see its normal.
Best wishes for you

BroccoliSpears Sun 21-Sep-08 22:30:14

I was really worried about having a little boy and having to love him as much as I loved dd.

Luckily we didn't have "a little boy", we had our darling, darling ds who slotted in to a big ds shaped hole in our family that I never even knew existed.

missygoo Sun 21-Sep-08 22:34:32

D'you know Shesells, you are on to something there. My 2 neices are constantly bickering and whinging at one another. It can be draining. After a bit I just stop getting involved and start pretending I can't hear itsmile

Boys are cuddly!? OMGoodness, my name is 'mummycuddle' to DD, I can't imagine another cuddle monstersmile
Though, of course, at the same time, it will be just lovely.

lemonlady Sun 21-Sep-08 22:37:27

You will love him just as much, I also have dd 6.10 and ds 2.10.
He is a typical boy with his dinnosaurs/cars/thomas engines,but he loves walkings around in dd pink crocs/school shoes too, he is bositerous and hungry all the time.
He is also very loving and constantly wants kisses and hugs. Love dd just as much she is my princess.I didn;t think I could love a boy as much but WHAM, its there full belt.
He is my mate and I love him to bits. gringrin
oh and he is so gorgeous

pooka Sun 21-Sep-08 22:42:18

Oh you will! I bet you will.

Had the same fear when was pregnant with dc2 - felt that no other child could compare with dd.

When ds was born, felt differently. Had a rough first few days of emotional adjustment: dd seemed to distance herself a bit, and was being whisked off by relations all the time. Remember making such an effort to be able to put dd to bed on about day 3, and she didn't want me. And sobbed.

But we all settled down quickly. I now have to try and rein in my tendency to stick up for ds when talking about the children to relatives, who are all so besotted by dd that I sometimes feel they don't see ds.

But he is my gorgeous boy and she is my gorgeous girl and I love them both more than anything in the world. They are chalk and cheese, couldn't be more different really, so is amazing and wonderful that they can both be loved so much.

pooka Sun 21-Sep-08 22:44:00

Oh and he is very very affectionate, but grumpy and eeyore like at times. Stubborn and determined, but such good fun. DD is very very girly which has been an education to me as I wasn't in the slightest. So both very different but both lovely.

conkertree Mon 22-Sep-08 10:18:01

this thread has brought a tear to my eye (pg hormones no doubt) especially broccoliSpears - pg with dc#2 - have ds already and dont mind either way which it is - but still nervous about loving it as much as ds, but thats such a lovely way to think of it.

Wisknit Mon 22-Sep-08 10:24:48

Well, you probably won't love him the same. Not anymore or less. Just different.

SoupDragon Mon 22-Sep-08 11:42:34

Well, my 2 DSs bicker and fight too

Just to prove how irrational this whole thing is, having had the "disappointment" of DS2 being a boy, I was then kind of disappointed/scared that BabyDragon was a girl. She ruined my Boy Gang and I had no idea what to do with girls Needless to say she's (mostly) adorable, loved just as much as the other 2 SmallDragons and completes my family perfectly.

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