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Er....anyone else think it is extremely rude when people ask 'was it planned'?

(56 Posts)
Millie26 Fri 19-Sep-08 13:31:48


Especially when they are collegues you hardly speak to and they say it really loudly in the corridor or in front of your team or in Tescos or anywhere it seems as that is first thing loads of people have said!

Wasnt expecting that!

How rude!

MissyK Fri 19-Sep-08 13:34:26

I have had that from a few people, I feel like screaming ' yes it was, and even if it wasn't it's none of your f*ing business' [blush} though maybe that's just me!

franke Fri 19-Sep-08 13:36:21

Yes, it is very rude and you should tell them so whilst smiling broadly (even if through gritted teeth)

PrettyCandles Fri 19-Sep-08 13:37:55

Yes. Very rude and unreasonably personal. I don't even ask my friends that. Not unless they've been talking about it themselves, in which case I think they're probably open to the discussion.

It's tantamount to asking what contraception you use!

FioFio Fri 19-Sep-08 13:39:13

Message withdrawn

Indith Fri 19-Sep-08 13:43:50

So annoying. Ds was not planned and for some reason everyone decided this gave them the right to ask if this, very much planned one was another "accident"

The best one was a "friend" who asked if it was planned, then said something along the lines of "well if it was planned why couldn't you have waited or planned your wedding for when you weren't pg?"

Erm...why? after fluffing for a while she asked if planning a wedding wouldn't be easier if not pg. What the hell has that got to do with it? Being pg does not make you unable to pick up the phone and book a caterer you know!

Millie26 Fri 19-Sep-08 13:45:13


Oh my! Fio, have they really asked that?? That's exceptionally rude.

I would never ask someone things like was it planned, although I would secretly want to know, just to be nosey wink - BUT would never ask!

I did say 'that's so rude' in a smiling kind of way to one collegue and was all like "oh, Im sorry I've embarrassed you - but you've come to terms with it now though?" WAS planned (not that it matters) but I dont want work to know that as jut got a promotion blush
so now she thinks I'm some traumatised pregnant 20-something and keeps giving me advice!!

FlightAttendent Fri 19-Sep-08 13:45:16

Yes I got that as well. I mean why does it matter to them?

SummerLightning Fri 19-Sep-08 13:45:22

I've had this! Very odd, even had a good friend ask "Presumably it was a happy accident?" - I don't know why he would think that, been married 2 years, have house, mortgage, settled, etc would have thought I would be ideal material for "doing it on purpose" - which we did! I think people just don't see me as the type of person to actually want to get pregnant...

Fufulina Fri 19-Sep-08 13:45:55

Oh this has been one of my MANY bugbears about the open-season that is pregnancy - I started saying (with a big grin) "goodness! were you planned?"

MadreInglese Fri 19-Sep-08 13:46:50

Millie you should ask next time if their outfit was planned or just an 'accident' wink

(and I hate the word 'accident' for babies, surely 'surprise' is better)

CountessDracula Fri 19-Sep-08 13:47:34

I think you should say

No of course not and I haven't a clue who the father is, could be one of about 12

MadreInglese Fri 19-Sep-08 13:48:12


Millie26 Fri 19-Sep-08 13:48:25

hahah! I'm buulding a toolkit of sarcastic responses grin

beanieb Fri 19-Sep-08 13:48:39

I think it's very rude, particularly as they may not know under what circumstances you got pregnant. For all they know it could have taken months, you could have had IVF, you could have had massive complications....

laweaselmys Fri 19-Sep-08 13:48:40

I find it a bit odd when people ask me if this baby was planned. Really, life circumstances and the EXTREME bad timing of this pregnancy rather point to the fact that it wasn't! Why do they need confirmation? Why do they even blardy care????

crokky Fri 19-Sep-08 13:49:23

I would say (in a friendly good natured voice with poshlady accent),

"Goodness me! You can't ask things like that!"

sparklesandnowinefor5weeks Fri 19-Sep-08 13:49:26

yes it is very rude, my response now is ...... 'well i guess that what i get for shagging the postman behind dp's back i was bound to slip up sooner or later' hmm

stupid feckers

OrmIrian Fri 19-Sep-08 13:50:56

It's very odd isn't it? When DS#2 was on the way and he was clearly not meant (I had made no secret of the fact that DD was going to be the last!), a colleague made some comment about it being 'a moment of unguarded passion then?'. Which in the entirely male company then present was very uncomfortable.

I wondered if perhaps I was expected to go into detail hmm

sparklesandnowinefor5weeks Fri 19-Sep-08 13:51:39

..or i say 'why do you need to know that? a congratulations would have been nice'

if i'm feeling rude myself grin

SummerLightning Fri 19-Sep-08 13:52:39

AND I'm not even that young (over 30). It seems half the world were telling me to get on with it, tick tock, etc etc, (oh yes, very amusing!), and then when we do it, they ask if it was an accident! It actually doesn't annoy me that much though, just amuses me.

badkitty Fri 19-Sep-08 13:53:44

I hate it! What sort of detail are they expecting exactly "Um, no, we were a bit pissed and couldn't be bothered to use a condom."?

Millie26 Fri 19-Sep-08 13:54:27

Exactly Beanieb - I had a miscarriage last year and then found out I ovulate once every 6 months and we just happened to luckily catch it in May and I feel so so lucky so I dont really want people asking was it planned, because it seems like fate to me and it was kind of planned, but then also not and the question just seems irrelevant to me!

sorry, rant over

Millie26 Fri 19-Sep-08 13:56:17

hahaha, I was in the middle of a pine forest in Sweden and the sun went in so we thought we'd do something to warm u grin

I'm genuinely going to tell the next person that.


Millie26 Fri 19-Sep-08 13:56:38

(warm up)

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