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etiquette of 'copying' names

(19 Posts)
Moomin Thu 24-Feb-05 10:42:43

i'm not very pg but have been trying for ages so this is just one of the many millions of daydreams i've had over the past x years.

i really love a particular name and it goes with our dd's name very well (same era, etc). it's also the name of a song my mum (who's no longer with us ) used to sing to me when i was a little girl, so it reminds me of her. only trouble is, it's also the name of friends we 'used to' have. we were all quite close up until about 18m ago when they stopped contacting us or wanting to see us - it's sort of like they 'packed us in'! which has been a bit strange and very hurtful esp for dh, who grew up with the bloke in the couple. also they are emigrating soon and we won't see them again probably, but all our friends i think will associate this name with the other couple's child (only 2 friends are still in touch with them - they've deffed everyone else as well!)) and i also don't know of dh will be very keen because of the connection with this fall-out. but i LOVE the name!! is it a bit 'off' or should i definitely store it in my 'names' drawer until nearer the time?

Fimbo Thu 24-Feb-05 10:59:04

If you really like it, I would go for it. Perhaps you could spell it slightly differently?

paolosgirl Thu 24-Feb-05 11:01:40

I would agree - go for it. It's obviously a really speacial name for you, and the people whose opinions you're worried about now will probably mean nothing to you (or very little to you) in the future.

CountessDracula Thu 24-Feb-05 11:02:23

I can't see a problem unless it is a very unusual name.

tortoiseshell Thu 24-Feb-05 11:03:09

It's a difficult one isn't it. There is at least one name that we would have used had some other friends not used it first - I think it depends on the age of the other child - if they are both babies together it might be a bit odd, but if one was older then the child might like a baby having its name. In fact, when we gave dd a slightly unusual name (not a wacky one - just not used much), we knew a 7 year old girl with that name, and she emailed us to say how happy she was that we'd used it, because she didn't know anyone else with that name. It also depends how much you see the other people, and also how unusual it is - if it was something like 'Morning star' or something like that, I could see that the association couldn't be broken, whereas something like 'Sophie' is more commonly used. I would hang on to it and see what feels right at the time. These friends might be long gone by then!

SeaShells Thu 24-Feb-05 11:05:09

Within time you and everyone else will associate it with your child and not the couple in question, esp. as they are moving away.

Pinotmum Thu 24-Feb-05 11:25:04

When I was expecting ds all the names I liked had already been taken by friends' ds's. These are people we now see on special ocassions only so I didn't see why I could not use a name I loved. Dh protested and eventally we picked another name which I also love now. However, one of the original names will be used if I have another ds. I think if you love a name then have it - it is a compliment really.

KristinaM Thu 24-Feb-05 11:27:09

I agree with tortoiseshell

welshmum Thu 24-Feb-05 11:29:15

Moomin I've got sort of the same problem with a name I'd like to use for my next one. I've started thinking about how the name will feel in 5,10,15 years time - where we'll be, where the other family will be, etc I found this helps and I think we'll go for it - if we still like it when it arrives (and if it's the right gender)I think it's hard to look further down the line but quite helpful.

logic Thu 24-Feb-05 11:29:30

I would definately use the name. It's sad but friends do come and go and you might always regret not using it otherwise! Congrats btw!

motherinferior Thu 24-Feb-05 11:33:32

I sort of had this with DD1; I thought of a name, quite unusual, which had been the name of my formerly bestest bestest bestest friend who'd dropped me. It's a lovely name, but it was very much her name and it is, as I say, quite unusual.

In the end, guess what, I went for it. And now it's DD1's name and the ex best friend - wherever she is - just happens to have it as well.

bee3 Thu 24-Feb-05 11:38:39

When I was little we were really friendly with 3 other families. Our parents had been friends B4 kids, and started having babies around the same time (they all have 3 girls!). I share a name with one of their children, and my sister shares the same name as 2 of the other families. It never caused problems. I don't know if it was discussed at the time, but there were obviously no hard feelings as we're all still in touch, though spread around the country now. We do have to refer to surnames occasionally, just to clarify, but I think the duplicate names (mine included ) are lovely, so why not.

I suppose the point I'm making is that in the grand scheme of things your baby will have the name for a lifetime, while the 'lost' friend isn't particularly important to you, and will probably be forgotten in a few years. Your baby may well share it's name with others all through his/her life, so you might as well choose something you really like, and that has special meaning for you (and you do have a beautiful reason).

Gobbledigook Thu 24-Feb-05 11:47:56

Not read other posts but it wouldn't bother me - if I were you I'd choose whatever name you like regardless of whether anyone you know has chosen it. Your baby won't be in the same class and it's not like you live with them - choose it if you want it, I would!

Moomin Thu 24-Feb-05 15:31:28

looks very positive then! dh rang me from work earlier and i mentioned it. he says he has no problem with the name being associated with this other couple's child, and he likes the name. good really as all the names he likes begin with the same letter as dd's name and i think the two of them might just sound like a pair of little mice!
whoops, getting soooooo far ahead of myself. i'm only 5 minutes pg!

sassy Fri 25-Feb-05 09:20:58

Go with it luv!
You know this was a name we were considering for dd2, and it wouldn't have bothered me if you'd used it if we had. NZ is far enough away for there to be no probs in confusing the two anyway.

Do it for your mum- if this IS a dd!

sassy Fri 25-Feb-05 09:23:07

Just realised i assumed they are off to NZ - is this the case or have i just made it up?!

katzguk Fri 25-Feb-05 09:23:16

i'd say go for it, we have only rules names out that have been directly used by people we are in contact with, i love the name Isobel but thats my bosses daughters name and we do see them socially but i would consider using the name of old friends children

purpleturtle Fri 25-Feb-05 09:25:20

Use it!
We called ds by a fairly uncommon name 2 years ago, and then 3 weeks later another mum in our church (who has the same name as me) called her ds the same as my ds. We don't know each other especially well, but we do visit the same baby-groups, and it actually works quite well as an ice-breaker with new (confused) people!

Pamina3 Fri 25-Feb-05 09:26:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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