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Pregnancy

Would you let dh go away for 2 nights when you are 39wks pg?

50 replies

foxytocin · 12/09/2008 13:09

Or am i some kind of lunatic.

OP posts:

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belgo · 12/09/2008 13:10

No I probably wouldn't. How far away is he?

MadreInglese · 12/09/2008 13:11

Would depend how far away and what for

(eg boozy stag do abroad no-no, dull tee-total work trip within about a 2 hour drive away ok)

foxytocin · 12/09/2008 13:11

a 7 hr drive away, at least.

OP posts:

SharkyandGeorge · 12/09/2008 13:11

Depends how far he was going and if I had any kind of back help with existing kids or someone on hand to phone if needed. if he was only going an hour or so's drive away and could get back then wouldn't have a problem with him going.

NatalieJaneIsPregnantAgain · 12/09/2008 13:11

Would depend on if you and he were willing to risk him not being at the birth, and you having someone else to either be with you, or look after any other children etc.

VinegarTits · 12/09/2008 13:12

Is it for work? is it your pfb? how far away will he be?

NatalieJaneIsPregnantAgain · 12/09/2008 13:12

Sorry x post Sharky

HeadFairy · 12/09/2008 13:12

1st pg? prob not.
subsequent pg? prob yes, unless a history of early labours.

HeadFairy · 12/09/2008 13:13

sorry, meant history of early or fast labour

SesHasapinkline · 12/09/2008 13:13

I don't think he would want to.

If he's asking you, ask him why does he feel he needs to ask and he may have his answer!

I take it he's not actually saying "Will you let me go away for 2 nights?" !

belgo · 12/09/2008 13:13

7 hours is quite far. I wouldn't really be happy about that. Two or three hours maybe, but no further.

JodieG1 · 12/09/2008 13:15

Nope. I've never made it to 40 weeks and all 3 labours have been over in under 3 hours.

foxytocin · 12/09/2008 13:16

It is not for work. It is for a planned once a year event. It isn't a stag do. It is a gentleman's do of Ex-Royal Marines in Devon. He has never been to one before and we are moving overseas soon so he will not have another opportunity to do it again for a long time.

It is a second child and tbh, he is leery of the whole childbirth thing. DD1's birth was complete medical emergency and he just had to stay out of the way.

So in a way, it is like a first for him too. We are planning a home water birth for many reasons.

OP posts:

MrsTittleMouse · 12/09/2008 13:16

I wouldn't be happy. This is our second child, so things are more likely to happen quickly. Even for my first though, I would be neurotic if I had to hang around for at least 7 hours for DH, and that's even though he would have made it to the hospital in time (I happened to have an unusually long labour).

How badly does he need to take this trip? Is it essential for work? Mind you, you could easily deliver at 38 or 39 weeks and he'd be on paternity leave anyway!

belgo · 12/09/2008 13:17

I think the average second time labour is 7/8 hours, so even if you phoned him as soon as something was happening, there's a very high chance he wouldn't be back in time. And the drive for him would be rather stressful if he knows you're in labour.

MrsTittleMouse · 12/09/2008 13:18

Sorry, X posted there. So is it a possibility that he's using this as an excuse to not be there at the birth? How do you feel about him being there? Would you rather get on with it on your own (or chose another birth partner), or is it important for you to have his support?

Indith · 12/09/2008 13:18

At 39 weeks I would probably tell him that he could go due to not wanting to seem like I was being a crazy, hormonal pg woman who didn't want him to have his own life while secretly wanting him to be a mind reader and know that what I actually meant was "no you can't go you will stay here and witness my pg misery". Then when he failed at mind reading I would continue saying "fine of course you can go" until about 5 mins before he left when I would burst into tears.

Or was that just me whenever dh wanted to go to the pub towards the end of pg?

To answer more seriously, I probably wouldn't want him that far away as although ds was late he was quick and had dp been 7 hours away he would have missed it even had he been called at the first contraction.

sophiebbb · 12/09/2008 13:19

No way

foxytocin · 12/09/2008 13:23

love your honesty indith.

no, he isn't using it as an excuse. I am happy for him to go because I know what a brotherhood the Marines is. I would not mind at all if my doula was not away this weekend. I just am a little worried at having neither of them nearby if things kick off.

In a way, I am not even too scared of going it alone. DD1's godmother will be happy to look after her.

My thing is that this week has been very hard on me because my feet have swollen a lot, I have spd, dd has had the flu and I have been really knackered because when she is ill she only wants me. I am just worried of the prospect of burnign my candles at both ends right now ~ and the baby coming too, of course.

OP posts:

MrsMattie · 12/09/2008 13:24

Dh travels a lot for work and for football but has planned his last trip away for when I am 36 weeks pregnant. i think I'd be nervous about him being away so late on, unless he was close enough to make it to the hospital if needed!

Songbird · 12/09/2008 13:30

dh and I have a 'I'll let your conscience decide' thing going on. I might say 'I'd rather you didn't' but wouldn't not 'let' him go IYSWIM. 9 times out of 10 he decides against whatever his crazy plan is! I would set it all out so you can both see the issues either way, and HE can make an informed decision. Will he always regret not going to the shindig?

MimieD · 12/09/2008 13:38

Didn't read the whole thread but my answer would be no. My DH tried it on last week when he mentioned he needs to go away on a business trip for two nights when I'm 38,5 weeks... As DD announced herself when I was 38 weeks along I vetoed his right to go and he is now doing several video conferences instead

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HeadFairy · 12/09/2008 13:38

Cor I must be too casual about this whole pregnancy thing Either that or I'd do exactly what Indith said

Songbird · 12/09/2008 13:43

Can he get there any quicker - fly? train?

MimieD · 12/09/2008 13:50

Ah yes, my DH did say he would leave the car and take a taxi to the airport...at least that way I could drive myself to hospital .
He also suggested he would go on the first plane back if I called, unfortunately planes are not like busses and there is not one to your destination every 10 minutes

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