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My other half doesn't seem enthused by my pregnancy. Is this normal?

(7 Posts)
Lionstar7 Mon 08-Sep-08 18:58:33

I just hit my first trimester (13 weeks). Had my 12 week scan last week. I'm over the moon and getting more excited by day. Told my parents and my mom nearly cried on the phone, she was so happy. Have started telling one or two close friends and everyone is really pleased.

Everyone, except for my other half!! Right off from the beginning he didn't seem to care. All he's mentioned is that now he'll have to cut back on all the luxuries he's now grown used to since he started a much better job. In addition, he feels we'll never be able to travel again or enjoy the freedom we once did, all of which are partly true but certainly not permanent (parents all over the world travel with children all the time!!). He has openly admitted he feels neither excited nor unhappy - just indifferent.

He really hit a nerve when I excitedly told him my little bump had started to show. Instead of getting excited with me and asking to look, all he muttered was 'you just look like you've had a big meal' before walking off to watch TV.

I understand that men go through different emotions and can sometimes take a long time to 'come around' to the idea of having a baby. However, all the other dads I know with new babies have been over the moon and it is really upsetting me that my other half just doesn't seem to give a toss.

Is this normal? Does anyone have any advice on how to handle it? I want to act in an appropriate way and get his act into gear without bursting into tears and storming off (he hates any display of irrationality, difficult during pregnancy).

Dimayed and Annoyed
London

Tinkerisdead Mon 08-Sep-08 19:06:28

Was is a planned baby? i assume so or i also assume you may have attributed the feelings to him being in shock.

My DH has been the same, at the scan i welled up with tears and he said "it looks like a turtle". When the baby started kicking, he wouldnt keep his hand on to feel, saying he'll see it enough when it comes out. he hasnt bought a single item for the baby whereas everyone else has bought some trinket as they couldnt help it, a babygro or a teddy. he also had a holiday booked with the lads this week(he is on it now) and was fine to be away etc throughout the run up.

howeverrrr, last week, something must have kicked in(im 30 weeks) he read the blokes guide to pregnancy, asked to be at the next midwife appointment and when i came downstairs after he had left for the airport he had left me some sweets and some for "the tiddlypeep" love daddy!

its taken weeks and weeks but he has only come round in this final stretch, im sure yours will too. Someone told me, a woman becomes a mother when pregnant, a man becomes a father when they see their baby.its proving true in this house.

congrats with your preg and good luck x

Millie26 Mon 08-Sep-08 20:28:13

Yes, I had a 12 wk scan today and I caught him yawning and not looking at the screen!!

I was so shocked, I thought he'd be so amazed and not be able to take his eyes of it.

He's not awful, but he isnt excited like I am. I have to ask if he is excited and he says yes but he also admitted today that its a bit overwhelming.

I think some men just dont know how to 'be' iykwim.

Millie26 Mon 08-Sep-08 20:29:36

Sorry, I meant to say aswell, leave the 'dads' bit of a baby magazine lying around because after my other half read that and read what I might be going through (sick, tired, cramps etc.) he bought me a load of new bras for my very achey boobs!

solidgoldbrass Mon 08-Sep-08 20:37:05

If this was a planned PG, was he ever enthusiastic, or was his attitude always 'Oh, OK, if you really want a baby...'?
If he was initially as keen as you were to start a family, did you get PG really quickly after throwing your pills away or whatever?
Because if it's come as a bit of a shock to him, or he wasn never very keen in the first place, it's going to be a bit difficult to get him to show enthusiasm he doesn't feel throughout your pregnancy. Bear in mind that men undergo no physical or hormonal changes during a pregnancy they have fathered, and it is genuinely difficult for them to understand how all-consumin a first pregnancy can be.
Many men who weren't that excited about imminent fatherhood do become wonderful loving involved dads once the baby is born, of course, but not all of them do.

pollyblue Mon 08-Sep-08 20:52:05

I felt that my dh wasn't especially interested during the first few months of my (planned) pregnancy - he was 'politely' interested but didn't talk about it unless i did first and wouldn't touch my stomach when the baby was kicking - like TheDoctorsWife46 described. In retrospect, I can understand how it all seemed a bit unreal to him (I was having symptoms but he wasn't!) and I think there was a bit of last minute panic at the thought of our lives being 'taken over' by a small, unknown being.

I ended up in hospital at 35 weeks due to bleeding and dd was delivered by section at 37 weeks and he was the best dh during that time. When we came home he practically took over looking after dd - i was still very stiff and sore from the op - and took to it like a duck to water, feeding, nappies, bathing, the works. He adores her and now she's 19 months they're best mates.

So panic not! Maybe he just needs time to adjust in his own way and as you get bigger and the arrival imminent, he'll feel more involved.

rrrayray Mon 08-Sep-08 21:15:35

I'm sure you have heard this many times.... but from what i gather from OH and others who have had babies, its extremely True....

A woman becomes a mother when she falls pregnant, and a man a father when the baby is born.

We experience so many emmotions and feelings that they simply Can't feel or experience. Whilst its frustrating and sometime upsetting that they are feeling the same as you, i am sure its perfectly normal.

My OH has always wanted children, and we waited until now. But when i told him i was pregnant, yes he was happy, but i just havent had quite the estatic reaction i had expected. The 12 week scan he was semi-excited at, and the 16 week check up he seemed disinterested at our little beans heartbeat- which i might add was so loud and strong even the midwife was grinning from ear to ear with me.

I'm now 20 being a First timer, i don't know for sure that he will transform into a Daddy at birth, but everyone i've spoken to, everything i've read, and even him himself points to the fact it'll all be fine.

Try not to worry & share you excitement with those who CAN muster excitement together...

Oh & of Course.... Congratulations!!!!!

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