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Help with the DP and sleeping please!!!! (long whinge)

(16 Posts)
babylove123 Sun 07-Sep-08 13:26:09

Hi,

I need some help from other women who have/have had this problem!

DP and i have been together just under 5 yrs....living together for 4.5 of them. He has always had a problem where he makes these rhythmical noises in his mouth when he sleeps. It really annoys me because he gets to sleep in 2 seconds and i can never beat him to it! Even if i go to bed earlier than him, as soon as he gets into bed, i wake up and then cant get back to sleep before him! I've spoken to him about it before with no response.....i've ended up wearing ear plugs every night for yrs.

Great.....but now i'm 29 weeks pg and am saying to him "i cant use ear plugs once the baby is here because i need to be alert for her". i persuaded him to go and see the doc who said he has "extra flappy skin" on the back of his throat that is causing the noises and the only thing to get rid of it is surgery (i am asuming laser surgery). DP wont entertain the idea and says it is my problem and for me to "get used to it".

This leaves me with one option.....to sleep with the new baby in a seperate room, which i dont think is fair because it means i'm going to be up with her all night whilst he gets to sleep through! Not to mention the fact that it is going to dent our relationship because i'm going to resent him.......

Any help, please?! Thanks!

sarah76 Sun 07-Sep-08 13:32:23

I can't say how I solved it being only first trimester at moment, but your DP sounds like he's being quite insensitive about it! I say put the baby on his side of the bed. Since you have to have the earplugs in to get any rest, he'll have to wake you when baby wakes up! Might make him reconsider surgery. . .

We're going to have the same issue as my DP snores like crazy and the only way I can sleep is with earplugs. I think it would be only fair if he has to pick up the baby and give him/her to me to feed. But what do I know, I'm new at all this! Hope others have more ideas . . .

LazyLinePainterJane Sun 07-Sep-08 13:35:48

you could put a sock in his mouth?

Saying you have to get used to it is knobby, the only way to fix it is clearly to suffocate him.

3littlefrogs Sun 07-Sep-08 13:36:05

I slept in sep. room with baby for the first couple of weeks, as dh was working very long hours (no paternity leave back then). You could do this, then tell him the arrangement will be permanent unless he sorts out the surgery.

waitingtobloom Sun 07-Sep-08 14:01:14

A difficult one. DH slept in spare room for first 6 months as neeeded (wanted??) to be alert for work - builder.

I resented him - but only because he didnt make up for it in other ways if that makes sense? And had a tendency to moan about how tired he was after a solid nights sleep!

Saying that DS was breastfed and only ever woke for feeds - he would feed every 2 hours but go straight back to sleep. Would need a nappy change but that was only 2 minutes. So really there wasnt any point him being woken too (apart from the resentment/comradery/in it together side of things).

Also lots of my friends say that they hear the baby but would sleep through anything else - I found this too. Perhaps you might actually hear them through the ear plugs? I would sleep through storms/car alarms but a snuffle from DS and I would be awake...

You could rely on DH to wake up...and then wake you up. However I found (and others) that men tend to sleep through babies crying a lot more - dont seem to hear them (real or pretend lol) - by this time the baby is more frantic and takes longer to sleep.

The best response would be for DH to sort things out and for you to do this together - but if he wont then I think you need to talk about what you do. If you talk about it and he does more for you - look after you with meals etc if you are up in the night then it could work out.

Think I may have rambled here - I hope it makes some sense.

WorzselMummage Sun 07-Sep-08 14:08:23

I am a very light sleeper and without the aid of earplugs i don't sleep much atall. When dd was a small baby i found that i just wasnt getting any rest as all her little grunts and snorts would wake me up and it'd take me hours to get back to sleep.

I found that if i wore earplugs i still heard her, i'd still wake up immediatly when she did it was like some kind of intuition, quite odd. I was a bit paranoid about it but as we had an angel care alarm and DF is very good at doing his fair share at night it was ok. If i told myself to wake up then i would, if i was having a night off then i'd sleep straight though.

Your Df is being a bit of a git but you might find that it isnt going to be as bad as you think it is.

Ear Plugs are great

Bronze Sun 07-Sep-08 14:10:09

Tell him in that case he'll have to do all the night times.

babylove123 Sun 07-Sep-08 22:18:44

Thanks for all of the messages.

To the women who slept with earplugs....what type did you use? I use the foam ones that expand inside your ear. I'm sure i'd hear her wailing over them (shes bound to be loud!) and in one breath, im concerned that having the earplugs means i wont be able to hear her grunting etc but in the other i wonder whether i will actually be able to sleep with her grunting etc!

I think i'm going to bring it up one more time.....possibly a little bit nearer to the birth, perhaps in a month and see what he says. Even if he went to the docs to find out what was involved.....at least then i'd feel he was taking me seriously. I don't want him having surgery - no one wants that by choice but im sure it is only as severe as having your tonsils out!

Thanks again

WorzselMummage Mon 08-Sep-08 15:32:27

I used the ones you get for £150 from Tescos, the Orange expandable ones.

You could also try just wearing one, i tend to do this if i am in the house on my own now i usually sleep ont he same side so just wear one in the top ear, that makes a difference too

WorzselMummage Mon 08-Sep-08 15:32:49

£1.50 shock

babylove123 Tue 09-Sep-08 22:39:41

Thanks, lol at the £150 earplugs!!!

I've thought about that, i might try the one earplug thing out tonight. However i'm still running around whilst he's gone to bed!!!! So he is def going to be asleep before me tonight!

shreksmissus Tue 09-Sep-08 22:52:07

Message withdrawn

sarah76 Thu 11-Sep-08 23:51:42

I use a french brand called something like 'Quies' that are in Co-op Pharmacy. They're the best I've found so far in this country, but when I go back to U.S. to visit I always pick up a bunch of Hearos from Walgreens. They go to 35 decibels! However, I can still vaguely hear DP, but it's muffled enough not to bother me too much.

babylove123 Fri 12-Sep-08 12:08:17

Thanks for the feedback - i appreciate the help! I tried the "one ear" plugging thing and it didnt work - could hear him through the pillow! He better get a wriggle on with sorting something out - i hit the big 3-0 weeks today!!!! Time is running out! lol, think i'll bring it up over dinner tonight!

Heartmum2Jamie Fri 12-Sep-08 12:52:45

I'm another ear plug user babylove and trust me, you will hear your baby, like WM said, it is a real weird instinctual thing, I can easily ignore dh's snoring/snuffling/farting with the earplugs but I can hear a the tiniest squeak from baby. I am currently 33 weeks with my 3rd baby and am not worried as I know I was able to hear the other 2. I actually took ear plugs to the post natal ward with ds2, good thing too as the midwife put ds2 in bed with me and he actually hummed all night, cute but annoying!

As for your dh, I think he is being gittish too (is that even a word?) I do like the idea of telling him he will have to do night duty then and putting the baby on his side of the bed. My dh soon made an effort to stop being so noisy (ie sleeping on his side instead of his back, losing a bit of weight, stopped drinking alcohol while baby was tiny). Mind you, if you are anything like me, I can't sleep if I can't physically see the baby, so not having the moses basket by the side of the bed is not an option.

countrylover Fri 12-Sep-08 14:16:51

I'm another ear plug user, a light sleeper and have a snoring DH. I was also worried about when the baby was born and how I would hear him.

I tried not wearing them for a couple of nights and I wasn't getting any sleep at all. In between DP snoring and DS snuffling, wriggling and grunting it was just too much.

In the end we got one of those monitors which measures the baby's breathing and sets off an alarm if it doesn't detect anything. That gave me great peace of mind that everything was fine unless the alarm went off. As for the baby crying, I promise you can hear that even through industrial strength ear plugs...even if they're in another room when they're a bit older!

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