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Mumsnet Jury - Is my intense broodiness due to just turning 40 and time is running out, or do I REALLY want another??

(37 Posts)
bootsmonkey Sat 06-Sep-08 16:55:20

That's it really... I have one DD who is 6 and have been overwhelmed by broodiness in the last couple of months, down to dreams involving breast feeding a newborn. Is this my hormones just having a laugh with me, or should I listen??

I have been happy to stick at one for many years now, but am suddenly besieged by a deep felt want. There are so many negatives to having another (age, finances, health, blah, blah, blah) that I feel reckless even entertaining the idea...

Help me retain my sanity, please!!

bootsmonkey Sat 06-Sep-08 16:56:59

I have managed to badger DH into agreeing to another, which surprised all Hell out of me and has sent me into a flat spin panic now! He will be 52+ when it is born if we crack on now.

jimjamshaslefttheyurt Sat 06-Sep-08 16:58:13

Well I'm 37 and feel I am approaching 40 and don't have a broody bone in my body. All broodiness disappeared when I had ds3. I am one of those people who now sees a newborn and thinks "how cute; thank god it's not mine'

So anyway point being, I think it's real.

Would be quite a big gap though and do you really want to go back to all the pre-school stuff? I can't wait for ds3 to start school next September.

jimjamshaslefttheyurt Sat 06-Sep-08 16:58:34

Blimey that was quick.

bootsmonkey Sat 06-Sep-08 16:59:33

God, I know... prams, teething, potty training.... logic says walk away fast, hormones are screaming impregnate me now!!

bootsmonkey Sat 06-Sep-08 17:01:27

What was quick - DH agreeing?? Weel, tbh I have been badgering him on & off for YEARS (which kinda puts a lie to my being happy to stick at one) but he has always been resolutely, adamantly, definately not up for it...

jimjamshaslefttheyurt Sat 06-Sep-08 17:01:54

I did feel intense broodiness for ds1, ds2 and ds3. Then whoosh, out like an extinguished candle (thank god). You might still be broody after dc2

jimjamshaslefttheyurt Sat 06-Sep-08 17:02:35

Did Dh agree between your first and second post?

bootsmonkey Sat 06-Sep-08 17:02:51

Eff off! Although the thought did cross my mind! I think it would honestly kill DH if I mentioned that!

bootsmonkey Sat 06-Sep-08 17:04:08

I think all woman feel broody from time to time - it is the nature of the beast - hormones and all that. It is whether I shrug this off as another hormonal bout of madness, or go with it...

star6 Sat 06-Sep-08 17:05:08

My sister is 7 years older than I am... BIG age gap, we have never been close and still aren't. It doesn't bother me... bothers her a bit though - we're just so different (polar opposites in every way). I'm not the expert on this topic as I'm 29 and expecting my first (and only).
I'm sure that others have had very positive experiences with big age gaps, but our sibling relationship is something I always used to consider when thinking of having more than one.

bootsmonkey Sat 06-Sep-08 17:08:07

I know that a sibling won't be an automatic playmate for DD, given the age gap, but I have an elder brother 18months older than me, who I get along with and one 5 years younger, who is much more on my wavelength - so there is no second guessing sibling realtionships.

I know DD would love to be a big sister and would enjoy having a baby sister. Not so sure she would feel the same about a baby brother though....

littlelapin Sat 06-Sep-08 17:11:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bootsmonkey Sat 06-Sep-08 17:13:15

Thanks LL - that is hte kind of thing I want to hear. Good luck!

bootsmonkey Sat 06-Sep-08 17:14:16

Gotta go fix food - will check back later - any thoughts welcome, although I have a feeling most people will say go for it and hang the consequences!

WideWebWitch Sat 06-Sep-08 17:18:19

I think if you want another go for it. I have a six year gap and it's FANTATASTIC (diff husbands in my case).

What it means is that when your baby is born your older child is at school so you CAN sleep during the day when your baby sleeps, you don't have as many sibling rivalry issues as the older one is older.

I think you should go for it. And second babies really don't cost as much because you know you don't need so much. And the buggies/nappies/no sleep stage is over v quickly.

WideWebWitch Sat 06-Sep-08 17:19:16

And for me the second was SO much easier, it made me wonder what I made such a fuss about the first time round!

star6 Sat 06-Sep-08 17:21:35

Good point, WWW about having the older one in school... that makes a lot of sense! I guess my experience was unique, then. I do have a very unusual and unbalanced sister!

WideWebWitch Sat 06-Sep-08 17:25:15

My two are VERY happily playing together now, he's nearly 11 and she's nearly 5.

Having said that there is whinging starting!

bootsmonkey Sat 06-Sep-08 18:34:38

THat's lovely WWW - thank you... First time round was abit grim for both of us, hence the big gap...

aquariusgirl Sat 06-Sep-08 18:52:58

I had my first babe at 40 then another at 42. I had decided that if I ever had children I always said I would never just have one as I was an only child. It wasn't an unhappy childhood at the time but looking back I realised how much I missed out on by not having a sibling especially now having an aged mother to worry about a sibling to share it with. But there are other issues like having 2 lively boys and being over 50 when some friends are talking about their grandchildren!!!!

cq Sat 06-Sep-08 19:13:43

V timely thread for me. I have a 7 and a 9 yr old. We always said we wanted a big family - 3 or 4. But then DD was born with a monumental heart defect and had 2 life-saving surgeries at Gt Ormond St in her first 2 weeks of life. Completely harrowing for all of us.

SO we decided we were never going through that again and would have no more kids. DD now tickety boo by the way. As they get older, life gets easier and we look forward to doing more active things together as a family like sailing and hiking.

So fast forward 7 yrs. I just yesterday had a medical which involved a chest xray. My period is 2 weeks late for no apparent reason. Big sign saying if you are pregnant or suspect you might be, please inform the technician. So I tell them there may be a slim chance. He boots me back out to the doctor to do a pregnancy test. Negative, as I thought it would be. And I just burst into tears.

DH is being lovely, says he understands that I feel cheated at not having more. And we both know the risks involved. Logic tells me I should not risk a perfectly good marriage because if I get pregnant and tests reveal there is a problem, then what would we do? It could tear us apart.

So I'm hoping I'm just hormonal and that my period will arrive in a day or 2 and then I'll feel logical and sensible again.

SOrry to hijack the thread but you have absolutely struck a chord with me today. sad

LivvyW Sat 06-Sep-08 19:30:59

A timely thread for me also. Had my first at 40, DD is 2, and oh so faboulous. Had a m/c in /feb and due date was this week. So feeling it big time at the moment.

Since m/c have felt that my confidence has been really knocked, and have become anxious about having a child with health problems. But really broody at the moment. Life would be so different for all of us if we were four.

Don't you wish you could make a clear decision one way or another. Or even better, it just happens and all the decision making is out of your hands. That's what i really want to happen.

Not meant to hijack, just to let you know there's others in a similar boat.

bootsmonkey Sat 06-Sep-08 19:38:29

Hey, cq. It's strange how it sometimes just comes up and hits you isn't it. Yours is a toughy - is there a chance it will happen again, or is it just the fear of it that is enough?? Is your DH up for it at all??

We have gone through every argument for NOT doing it again, and rather fewer for the positive side of things. Our marriage may not survive if it is anything like last time, but there again, who knows how things will turn out. I am older and wiser and I don't think it will be such a shock to the system this time (sleep deprivation aside). Oh, I am sooooo tempting fate with that line.

Part of me thinks we have such a beautiful, funny and easy DD (now) that we are tempting fate to try again. I worry about being older and the statistical chances of having a child with special needs. I worry about driving us into penury, how we can both continue to work from home, where there is nowhere to work from... etc. I could worry for England frankly....

But then I also think - stuffit, let's go for it. Thousands do every day.

bootsmonkey Sat 06-Sep-08 19:39:29

And LivvyW, I too have wanted the decision made for me - early menopause anyone....

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