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How do I get DH to realise that this baby will arrive on it's own schedule not his?

(28 Posts)
ajm200 Fri 05-Sep-08 17:41:07

I love DH to bits but he is driving me mad at the moment as I can't seem to get his help with any of the baby prep.

Last time, he went completely overboard and had the crib and cot set up by 6 months, a pram in the garage ready and was hassling me to pack my hospital bag.

This time he is so laid back that he is almost horizontal. It has taken him almost a year to get round to sorting out the spare room and decorating it so that DS1 can move out of the 'baby' room. He agreed to start it while we were still TTC

Baby is due in 6 weeks but I have no pushchair/pram as he broke the buggy a few weeks ago and he won't fix it. He's ordered a double buggy from somewhere on the net months ago, it didn't arrive and he won't chase it up.

All the baby things are still in the loft and the loft is so full that I can't get the stuff down on my own.

Every time I ask him to do anything baby related, he explains his plans for the coming weekend and tells me it'll have to wait a couple of weeks..

I need to put a rocket under him but how?

Not sure anyone really can help, just need to vent my frustration, sorry.

purpleflower Fri 05-Sep-08 17:46:07

Sorry i can't help but I am going through the same. I'm 37 weeks and nothing is done apart from washing the clothes, it's not like I can move the furniture.

He has promised he will do it tonight but he hasn't even left work yet hmm

I'm also booked in for a homebirth which is anytime from today shock

ajm200 Fri 05-Sep-08 17:49:19

You are in a slightly worse situation than I am then. I've still got a few weeks.

Good luck with the homebirth, I'm planning a one too and being the eternal optimist, I've even booked a birthing pool that I'll need DH to help put up..

I'm really starting to wonder if he is having second thoughts about this LO and is in denial. Hoping that no prep means he can delay its arrival.

Chaotica Fri 05-Sep-08 17:50:15

Couldn't you fake a couple of contraction-like twinges in his presence?

ajm200 Fri 05-Sep-08 17:52:25

I've been admitted to hospital at 29 weeks for preterm labour. He took me to the hospital, dropped me in the L&D ward and took DS1 for cocoa and a cake. No sign of the anxious father that was around last time... and he still didn't get organised at home...

ajm200 Fri 05-Sep-08 17:52:27

I've been admitted to hospital at 29 weeks for preterm labour. He took me to the hospital, dropped me in the L&D ward and took DS1 for cocoa and a cake. No sign of the anxious father that was around last time... and he still didn't get organised at home...

StarlightMcKenzie Fri 05-Sep-08 17:53:18

Message withdrawn

purpleflower Fri 05-Sep-08 17:57:47

LOL chaotica, I have been getting really strong braxton hicks and have had a bit of a show but his head is still buried in the sand.

I think that maybe the same as my DP although he is working extra hours to make sure everything is ready for when he has 2 weeks off.

He keeps telling me that if I do go into labour he will do it all in the first few hours. He really doesn't realise that it takes him nearly an hour to get home from work and as it's my second it could be really quick compared to the 3 day labour last time.

I hope you get sorted before this point, it's not nice and I really can't relax.

Jas Fri 05-Sep-08 17:58:46

Dp spent the day I came home from hospital with ds (3rd child, 8 days late, so not a big surprise) rearranging the furniture in our bedroom to fit the moses basket into the room!

I'd ask someone else to go up in the loft and get stuff down for you...

StarlightMcKenzie Fri 05-Sep-08 17:59:32

Message withdrawn

purpleflower Fri 05-Sep-08 18:00:29

Starlight do you mean that your DH actually knows what toilet duck is shock DPs version of cleaning the toilet is wiping the rim with toilet roll.

It's nice to know I'm not the only one with a useless DP (not that he isn't great in other ways)

StarlightMcKenzie Fri 05-Sep-08 18:04:12

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ajm200 Fri 05-Sep-08 18:04:51

I've bought a new pack of sleepsuits for my birthing bags so that baby doesn't arrive with nothing to wear.

I have dreams about baby arriving and we are still in the same mess that we are in now.
Complete with DH barging past me labouring in the birthing pool, carrying the ladder and swearing profusely about having to sort out the loft in the early hours of the morning, while the MWs are telling me to push.. Then announcing that he's just remembered that he took the crib to the tip and the bag of baby clothes have got damp and gone mouldy

I'm sure it won't be that bad but who knows.

purpleflower Fri 05-Sep-08 18:10:57

I think we have been having the same dreams ajm.

He is on his way home now so we will have to see what gets done tonight as he's promised the same eveyday for 2 weeks. He just sits down and does nothing then finds really important jobs that need doing at the weekend like spending 5 hours fitting his sub into his car hmm he then had to take it out as he couldn''t fit everything in and its now in my kitchen angry

StealthPolarBear Fri 05-Sep-08 18:12:09

Can't just just start pretending you're going into labour? That should do it surely?
Then when he's raced round and done everything tell him they must have been BHs.

ajm200 Fri 05-Sep-08 20:43:06

Labour and a hospital visit at 29 weeks didn't to the trick so I doubt it.

ajm200 Sat 06-Sep-08 13:21:04

After i told him last night that I was feeling overwhelmed by the amount we still have to do and burst into tears, I got a promise that he'd

Set up DS's furniture so he can move to his new room tonight

Get the baby stuff out of the loft

This morning..

- he's racked leaves in the garden.

- Cleaned the chickens out and washed their coop out... they were only done yesterday PM

- Attempted to wash the brand new car, only stopped when I reminded him that it has been treated and has to be left for two weeks..

- Listed 10 small, worthless items on ebay

I reminded him about the baby stuff at which point he told me he feels like he works 24/7 and I don't appreciate him and now he's gone out.. don't know where or for how long. MEN arghhhh!!!!!!!!!!!

purpleflower Sat 06-Sep-08 15:42:32

Well nothing got done last night apart from a trip to tesco where we got more nappies and some pads for me.

Today he has built the changing table and pulled the travel system apart so it can be washed.

We are a little bit closer but he is now watching another film hmm

ajm200 Sun 07-Sep-08 11:37:15

Made some progress. Have the crib setup and a bag of baby clothes down from the loft but they are blue 6-9 months, shame I need neutral newborn as we are having a girl.

differentID Sun 07-Sep-08 12:10:41

Why don't you explain that you might "appreciate" him more if he actually did what you need him to do and not stuff he wants to do.

lollipopmother Sun 07-Sep-08 12:20:19

Sounds like it's time for you ladies to have a serious row! I wouldn't normally suggest shouting, but I'd have gone ape-shit a loooong time before now!

MelT76 Sun 07-Sep-08 12:26:02

Threaten to go out with the credit card and spend shead loads of ££££ on new stuff and get a handy man to do the jobs he shoudl be doing. Worth a try as nothing else seems to be working wink

gillydaffodil Sun 07-Sep-08 12:57:17

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purpleflower Sun 07-Sep-08 17:46:04

We are finally getting there smile

MelT76 I would've threatened the credit card ages ago if it wasn't already maxed out blush

I can see the end now so thats good, we still don't have the cradle sorted but thats because it's in my uncles loft so will have it in the next couple of days.

I'm feeling so much better even though I'm really tired as I have helped loads.

I hope you get sorted soon ajm200 smile

ajm200 Mon 08-Sep-08 10:29:02

Got a whole sack of newborn clothes now. Crib is made up and DS is in his new room. He has a bed but no other furniture.. but that's not too much of a problem.

Had a horrible weekend though... had to bully DH into doing everything. We bickered all weekend and I'm glad he's at work today. He finally got the right bag of baby clothes down this am before work.

Hope everyone else gets sorted soon!

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