What should I do? 32 wks & DH overseas, do I fly longhaul at 34+ or stay put and do it alone?(8 Posts)
Ok, I don't normally ask what should I do, but kinda feel I need a bit of objective perspective on this one!
I am currently 32 weeks pregnant with my 2nd, DS (2 yrs 5 months). My DH works in the Gulf (Middle east), but due to visa issues we all had to fly back to UK when I was nearly 25 weeks. Visa issues have continued and although DH returned back to gulf over a month ago DS and I are still in UK. DS's visa is still not sorted and well now it's just a waiting game...we have flights booked at the end of my 34th week (last point at which I can fly) and I'm beginning to oooh and aah about what I should do.
Stay...the only family I have here is my step-dad (with whom I'm staying),
I have very helpful friends, but none really local (about an hour away at closest) and all with kids of their own...
Who will look after DS whilst in labour?
DS desperately misses dad, I'm running around like loon trying to compensate...
Go...long flight, not direct, between 10 & 15 hours dependant on date of travel
MIL also in Gulf, in fact we have been staying with her whilst visas get sorted (although DH's company can help sort out appt, we agreed that we'd stay with inlaws til visas sorted but that was meant to be about a month lol!) MIL & I do not see eye to eye (understatment) and I can't imagine having newborn there...hubby has now got appt, but furniture in process of shipping from UK, takes an age.
BUT DH will be there and I really want him about for DS's sake to help him adjust to new baby
DH will not get enough leave at birth of baby, if I have her here then he will get back for 1 week max.
Also consideration of Passport implications on baby...
had originally planned to have DC here so nationality given by both place of birth and inheritance from both parents...although dc will still have UK passport regardless of place of birth, having her in the UK will make it easier for grandchildren when it comes to nationality...
Also consideration of visa implications if she is born here...exactly how long will it take to get it sorted if i do opt to have dc2 here?
Sorry this is rambled, there are just so many factors...In my mind when first pregnant the most important thing was just to have DH there, wherrever that may be...but now getting so close to the time with so many things hanging I'm beginning to wonder. Ultimately I'm getting tired and don't know how i'll cope on long flight alone, living with MIL again, poss with new baby and all of that...
Objective please! [very confused looking emoticon]
I guess the big question is where do you feel you will most comfortable giving birth. Could your step dad and friends have shared care of ds whilst you give birth and perhaps you could hire a doula to support you if you chose to stay in the UK this would give you time for visas to be sorted out and help you avoid MIL whilst you have a new born.
Can't give you any advice on where to have the baby, as I can't think of anything insightful enough! (brain on holiday!) But here's my two penny's worth on a couple of other things: With regard to the visa for the new baby, phone the embassy now and ask what the expected waiting time is for visas.
Passports for newborns are easy to apply for- get the paperwork before she is born and fill out everything you can, so when she has arrived you can just fill in name, DOB etc, get photo done and send it off ASAP.
Whose grandchildren are you concerned about when it comes to nationality? Your grandchildren? Do you think that it will be more beneficial for your DC's children if their parents are born in the UK? I can see what you're saying (and as someone who was born outside the UK but has citizenship through my UK born parents, I can appreciate the benefits of having dual nationality), however I think you should probably sort out a couple of your other concerns ahead of this one, as the implications of this won't be realised until many years down the line and may or may not matter then... however you've possibly got a plane to catch in two weeks, so you should address that now!
Hairy, unfortunately the whole visa issue with KSA, where my husband is, is a little more skewiff than most...the whole process has to be initiated by the sponsor, ideally my residency visa should be sorted prior to the birth of bubs, that would make things easier, I have the work visa now, but have to go back to sort out residency (which should [choking emoticon] only take a few days when I enter the country. If it expires I have to start the whole process from scratch and its taken over a year to date!
Its been my 2 year old's visa that is the issue so far..and that we were promised was the easy part...
its a whole beaurocracy thing...right hands and left hands are, unfortunately, on bad terms it seems, and well, there appears to be alot of paper pushing but not alot of action...the scary news is that they have estimated 8 months to get it sorted if bubs is born here [shock, cry, kick a camel emoticon], and as for confirming how long ds visa will take...the embassy will not pick up the phone, and will not talk to anyone but visa companies at the mo, my BIL has been to embassy and has tried [frustration]
I guess ultimately this is an emotional issue, I mean the practicalities, I cant do more...passport at embassy, cross fingers and wait time, but its the whole return to house full of stress (even if only for a short -ahem- time) v not seeing hubby, and not having him there for both dc.
Gothic, thanks...thats what i'm thinking...hoping will happen, its just after going into hosp yest for tests and step-dad struggling with ds over 2 hour period I'm wondering if thats really do-able...he's great with him on the play front, but when it comes to teh emotional 'wheres my mummy' stuff he panics a bit...forgets about distraction techniques and cuddles and just puts him in pushchair and wiats for me ...doula's i dont really know anything about them...do you know where I can find info?
sorry to be so sketchy...I know that no-one can answer this for me...just a million thoughts going through head and struggling to order them...I guess its largely an emotional question and only I can find the answer...but really grateful for any advice...
You can get info on Doulas here : DoulaUK. That would sort someone to be with you when in labour and to help you afterwardswith the baby and DS. Theres also an emergency childcare website who will find a nanny for you at v short notice
Try www.doula.org.uk/ for info on doulas .
Sounds like you're in a tough situation . My gut feel would be to see how you feel nearer the time, but probably plan on going back to KSA if you can. If I've read you right you're otherwise looking at staying in the UK for 8 months after she's born, or staying with MIL for a few weeks while furniture ships (I'm guessing there, but I've known people ship to Singapore and Canada and they've both been about 3 weeks). Assuming your DC2 doesn't turn up early, you ought to be in your own appartment before you have a newborn to worry about with DH on site. I think that would be the deciding factor for me.
That said, the trip doesn't sound like fun . Is there anyone in that could make the trip with you? Give you some moral support and help with DS?
GOOD NEWS...WE BOTH HAVE VISAS
Thanks guys, Tangle, you've summed it up perfectly...I've got all these worries but ultimately just want DH about, MIL is a big factor and there have been huge probs in past, the only thing that is making me hesitate now is the fear that for whatever reason I'll get stuck in her house with newbie and all the emotions that go with childbirth...but you know what...all those emotions amd DH overseas not good either, and risking 8 months apart to go through the whole rigmarole again...well surely thats just being stupid...
THen there's the flight...no answer there unfortunately...anybody who goes would need a visa, [laugh hysterically]. Unless of course any of you lovely ladies are planning a hol in sunny ol' KSA!
Guess I should just stop moaning and be grateful we got visas, i'm tough the rest UI can deal with
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