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really really really scared :-(

12 replies

BlueJellie · 04/09/2008 20:30

I'm now in my 36th week & to be honest have not really give labour a second thought throughout my pregnancy. Well all if a sudden this week the fear has hit me. It's all I can think about all day & I couldn't sleep properly last night. My stomach is in knots & I actually feel physically sick :-( I don't know why I've only just become scared, I guess it's just the realisation it's going to happen in the next few weeks. Is it normal to feel this scared or am I being really irrational?

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LittleMyDancing · 04/09/2008 20:36

I think it's completely normal to feel scared! It's a big thing to go through and you've been so busy thinking about the pregnancy it's no wonder you haven't been thinking about this bit.

just remember: women have been doing it for eons. and a lot of women do it more than once, so it can't be that bad!

also, there's always epidurals, they're magic.

tbh, I found that it's like anything really momentous - when you're doing it, you're so busy doing it you have no time for being scared. It's afterwards that you go 'Blimey, that was quite something, wasn't it?'

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conkertree · 04/09/2008 20:55

totally agree with littlemydancing - its partly scary cause its an unknown.

It will be painful and there's no getting away from that (although obviously there are lots of options for pain relief) but you will cope with it, and once it starts, you will just get on with it.

There are plenty of people around to reassure you that things are going normally, and the times (in my experience at least) that you start feeling a little out of control tend to be the times that things are changing to the next stage, so you only feel like that for a very short time until the midwives tell you what to do next.

One tip that I liked was to take your own music as it can help take your mind off things and you can feel slightly more at home (unless of course you are having a home birth and then you will be).

And gas and air is fantastic - i spent the afternoon of labour just feeling a little bit drunk which was very nice after 9 months of no alcohol.

You will be great - good luck.

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LooseyC · 04/09/2008 21:26

You are completely normal, I didn't really think about the birth bit properly as something that was going to actually happen to me until about 2 weeks before my due date - despite having gone to antenatal classes and everything!

I agree that when it happens you just get on with it. Knowing as much as possible helped me, but don't worry if you forget everything as you will have professionals there with you who do this every day.

Also - you only ever seem to hear birth stories from people who had a tough time - my theory now is that those that had a smoother ride (like myself) don't mention it so as not to annoy them...

Good luck!

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BlueJellie · 04/09/2008 21:27

thanx ladies, been blubbing to DP he just thinks it's my 'hormones'. If anything I'm just frightened I won't cope. I'm generally an over anxious person anyway & don't think I'm cut out for the big event. Too late to change my mind now!

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BlueJellie · 04/09/2008 21:32

Hi loosey mustve posted at the same time! Yeah other women keep telling me their horror stories like they'll never forget how much pain they were in & that I better not be sqeamish as I should expect lots of blood etc. I know people are just trying to prepare me but it's just scared me even more

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StealthPolarBear · 04/09/2008 21:34

there are plenty of threads on here to counter the horror stories - search for positive birth stories.
Good luck!

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mum2bagain · 04/09/2008 21:43

This is my 4th baby, I'm 37+4 and believe me, if it were so bad, I definitely wouldn't be here again. I'm not saying it's easy, far from it, but what you get at the end of it more than makes up for the pain. I remember the births of my other children being very very hard work, but not the pain and that's natures way I suppose. In fact, I'm really excited about my baby being born now. Your DP will be so proud of you, like my DH was, it was the best and most bonding time of all our lives.

If you search for birth stories you'll get a mixture of experiences. Youtube have birth videos too if you're feeling brave.

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waitingtobloom · 05/09/2008 07:28

There is a lovely positive births story somewhere recently on the childbirth thread.

A really important thing to remember is that it will end and its for your baby to be born. I forgot both last time and panicked - this time although I realise whats its like going in, I also know that each contraction is bringing me one step closer to the end. Its a different type of pain - nothing is wrong, its your body working to get your baby out.

Personally I found pregnancy more difficult and repeated this after every single contraction once was a little too far gone on the gas and air...

Ignore DP - I think they either just block it out or dont know what to say. Mine kept telling me there was nothing to worry about and wasnt any point thinking about it til the day. I bet if you ask some friends who havent told you horror stories you will get more positive ones.

You will be great!

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Bumperlicious · 05/09/2008 08:32

Completely normal! You are going into the unknown and it is a huge thing for you.

Don't worry about not coping, you just do. I hated labour and found it fairly traumatic (sorry not helpful) BUT my DH just can't understand how feel as he says I just coped with it so well at the time. You just get on with it and don't really analyse it at the time. All the stuff you tink will make you squeamish, blood, poo etc, you just really don't care about at the time!

Have you read any books? I really recommend Active Birth. Makes you feel a bit more like you are taking control before hand.

Try and distract yourself with other tasks like making a music play list for labour, buy yourself some lovely smellies or make up for afterward.

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AnnVan · 05/09/2008 09:16

I feel exactly the same! I'm 40+6 now so hey, no turning back. I think, for the men, they can't feel the same way about the whole labour thing, they're not the ones who have to actually experience it, so they're not going to be fearul in the same way are they? It's easy to say 'nothing to worry about don't think about it,' when it's not going to happen to you.

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cyteen · 05/09/2008 09:23

Completely agree with all the great advice posted so far - I felt just the same for the last few weeks of my pregnancy, and it was the fear of the unknown that mostly did it. When I was actually in there I amazed myself with how well I coped and how much I was 'in the moment' - no energy for anything else! Just remember, you have options and you have trained professionals around to make sure that everything goes smoothly. And the bonding thing with DP...absolutely. I will never forget my DP tearfully cradling me and DS in the minutes post-birth, how proud he was of us and how instantly he fell in love with our son