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finally have the 'courage' to admit im feeling lonely.....(long)

(11 Posts)
mum2bean Sat 30-Aug-08 20:33:00

i have been feeling this way for a while, just never thought i could actually be lonely, but apparantly i can.

basically, i moved away from my friends and family, to be with DP (who i am still with)
My family have started talking to me again, luckily, otherwise i'd probably feel about 100 times worse, and i do get to see them every now and then, but only if i travel to london. they cant/wont travel here (as parents dont really get on too well with DP, long story, but mostly because i moved away)
As i am getting bigger, it's becoming more difficult as i dont drive, and have to ask his dad to take me/pick me up around his work hours.

I haven't seen any of my friends since last october, and i am missing just popping round to say hi. to anyone. my DP means well, and says his friends are my friends, but it's not the same, and we rarely see them as it is.

DP is semi-understanding, but i am getting down, as i never seem to leave my house, unless it is for shopping, and i usually either go alone or with him.

missing girly activities and feeling kinda isolated, as the area is still relatively new to me.
I'm starting ante-natal classes soon, and it's bringing back memories of me and my mate going to her a little bit shy, and couldn't bring myself to join a club or group,maybe i am just hormonal and over-reacting, but any ideas??

Elmosgirl Sat 30-Aug-08 20:36:52

I'm sorry, I sympathise hugely, I felt exactly the same when I had my first baby as was miles away from family and I got pregnant at the end of university so all my friends vanished to start fabulous careers in other cities.

Antenatal classes will help, as will post-natal ones when your baby comes, are you a member of the NCT? Can you go along to one of their bumps and babies meetings, I know is scary going to start with but worth it for the people you may meet.

Do you ever go on Netmums...I know it's generally looked down on on this site, but they have a really good meet a mum section that you could post on to get in touch with other new mums in your local area.

lollipopmother Sun 31-Aug-08 10:49:21

Mum2bean - I went through a horrible patch a couple of months back where I felt horribly isolated and lonely, it coincided with me falling out with one of my really good friends and I suddenly realised that I had no friends whatsoever (tosh!). I felt shit for about two months.

I would really recommend trying to contact your old friends via email or text and just keep in touch like that, it made the world of difference to me once I started texting my friends again, I think I had got into a circle of 'no one wants to talk to me thus I shan't try to contact them', when in fact as soon as I said hi everything went back to normal and I have a horrible feeling that I may have been imagining certain aspects.

Pregnancy hormones are a bitch, don't let them rule you, but I think it is very normal to feel isolate and alone when you're pregnant, especially if you have moved away.

littlelapin Sun 31-Aug-08 10:51:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wellbalanced Sun 31-Aug-08 10:58:05

Ive moved away from my family and friends and im expecting my 1st baby, so i can sympathise with you.

Do your friends not come to visit? With mine we take it in turns, one wk i go there nxt they come here ETC As your getting bigger they should come to you thou.

Ive got out and met friends in my new area, mainly throu work and this helps a little.
My husband often works 16+ hrs a day so hes never around and sometimes i do feel house bound-so many jobs to do.

Hope you can work something out with your old friends and maybe make some new.

pushchair Sun 31-Aug-08 11:04:21

Ther was a thread on here a while ago about motherhood and one of the most mentioned things was lonliness. I found that as soon as I was on maternity leave I had no one to be with. Friends were all at work and few had young children. Met my new friends at baby clinic and mother and baby group. Usually when you have a new baby you find a whole world of social opportunities available-baby classes,clinic,park. I found it hard to make the first move that is hard. Anyway you have got MN now which is great!

jollyjoanne Sun 31-Aug-08 11:08:29

My mum assures me that the best way to make friends is going long to the ante-natal classes and meeting other mums to be. My mum is still in touch with 3 ladies that she met whilst pregnant with me.

And to some extent we are lucky - the internet is a really good way to talk to people, altough I realise it is not the same as face to face contact.

I am so grateful my mum and hubbies mum are not far away. Sadly most of my friends moved away after Uni so I don't see them anywhere near as much as I'd like. So I am looking forward to making some new local friends who won't be bored to death by baby talk!

Lizzylou Sun 31-Aug-08 11:11:52

Definitely go to antenatal classes/NCT, I didn't (well, a couple of parentcraft ones) and regretted it.
Before you are due look into what groups there are for newborns. Baby massage etc

I didn't and like you, moved to be with DH 150 miles from my family. My friends who went to NCT classes had a gang of around 4/5 mates that they still see regularly 3/4 yrs on.

Good luck!

babyignoramus Sun 31-Aug-08 11:22:40

I went through a phase like this a few years ago - wasn't pg at the time but all my housemates moved out/were always at their partners' house etc. I live far away from family too. It's horrid and I sympathise with you. I know you say you are shy but maybe you could try joining something like a language class? You can just sit and listen, join in when you want, and you will find that social events often arise as a result.

Or, do your DP's friends have girlfriends? Maybe a girly night is in order? Some of my best friends are my DH's friends' girlfriends.

Whereabouts have you moved to? Maybe some of us are near you!

mum2bean Sun 31-Aug-08 15:33:41

moved to medway in kent.
it's hard for my friends to travel too though as they all have young children/baby's themselves.

i have found being on MN a big help, as it's really easy to get into the whole, oh it's just me phase, then you come on here and feel 'normal'

majormoo Sun 31-Aug-08 15:55:11

mum2bean when I had my DD we had moved to a new city and I had just left my job, so I remember also feeling lonely and also uncertain-it is such a huge change to your life. Definitely do the antenatal classes. My DD is 5 and I still see mums from those classes. Even if you do not meet anyone you particularly gel with there, there are lots of baby/toddler groups you can go along to to meet people.

As someone else said, why not invite your old friends up to stay?-I only see some of my closest/oldest friends once every few months now, sometimes longer, as it is harder to arrange to meet when people live apart and also have kids, but it is not impossible. We are still very close.

There is of course also Facebook and Skype to keep in touch with people

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