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Pregnant with DC1 and not excited...

(11 Posts)
reluctant1stimer Sun 24-Aug-08 11:26:42

never had a maternal feeling in my life! am 21 weeks now and still not getting my head round impending parenthood. DH is very very happy so thats good but will it really kick in for me? sick of people saying "you must be a little bit excited". Why must I? No hard feelings towards bump, just not maternal. Any advice/reassurance gratefully accepted.

KnickersOnMaHead Sun 24-Aug-08 12:02:38

Message withdrawn

MKG Sun 24-Aug-08 12:09:22

I was the same way with ds1. I had no feelings at all for him when I was pregnant.

The minute he was born it all changed.

You will be fine. Just relax and go with the flow.

Aitch Sun 24-Aug-08 12:15:26

i was completely in denial until the birth. it meant a lot to me to be pg, but i couldn't really handle it i think. i just wanted the baby out and safe, couldn't be doing with all the congrats etc beforehand. don't worry, i think it's perfectly normal to not want to count your chickens before they're hatched. smile

pudding25 Sun 24-Aug-08 12:15:39

I was the same. I got irritatated when people said to me that I must be so excited. THe minute she was born, I fell in love. She is 15 wks today and each day, I love her more. Don't worry.

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore Sun 24-Aug-08 12:20:21

i was not excited either in fact my thoughts were my 'f*ck what have i done' i didnt get that overwhelming feeling of love either that people always talk about. it was more off a 'what now then?' feeling.

i got that lovey feeling when dd1 was about ten months old. dd1 is now four and i wouldnt change her for the world <well i would make her sleep better and cure her slective hearing issues grin>

dont worry about it. its perfectly normal ime. i wasnt overly excited after finding out about dd2 either, but i did fall in love with her immediately. i think it was because i knew what to expect so i wasnt so scared and my life wasnt changing drastically like it did with dd1.

IAteRosemaryConleyForBreakfast Sun 24-Aug-08 12:20:56

I had this. At 39wk appt with my MW I started crying because I was worried I was so un-maternal. MW laughed at me snottering and blubbering and said she thought my hormones were taking care of things grin - she was right!

I had no rush of love - would describe it as "quiet acceptance". I was fiercely protective and territorial though, really out of control with hormonal bonding stuff. Don't worry - it'll be fine! Love DS more than life now, he's fab and I want more!

In the meantime just nod and smile. You need to practise nodding and smiling for when your baby is born and the world and their dog think they have the right to tell you how you should be doing things grin

Mimsy2000 Sun 24-Aug-08 12:27:51

i was the same and also absolutely hated being pregnant to the core. there's so much going on that it's hard to be excited about a baby or even realise one's on it's way. hang in there, you are not alone and tell people who give you little optimistic words to fuck off. i did that and it felt brilliant grin.

btw - i suppose i should say that i'm mad for my son, who's 2 and have another one on the way. i'm a snarling, obese witch at 30 weeks but am pretty sure i'll be a fine mum. so will you. take it easy on yourself and just try and get through this phase.

aurorec Sun 24-Aug-08 13:57:49

Don't let yourself be pressured by people about how you 'must be feeling'.

I didn't enjoy my 1st pregnancy- I had morning sickness, insomnia, felt crap etc. and quite frankly I found the waiting for the baby to come out quite boring- 40 weeks is a loooooong time!

Fact is all new/expectant mothers are different, and react differently to their pregnancies. One of my cousins who couldn't wait for babies (she got knocked up on her honeymoon) had a miserable time and hated the whole thing. Her sister, thoroughly unmaternal and uninterested in babies, found herself blooming and LOVING the whole thing, despite morning sickness.

I find it worse when people tell you what you're 'expected' to be feeling, because it adds a burden of guilt to the whole thing.

Ignore the 'well-wishers'! Take it as it comes.

mum2bean Sun 24-Aug-08 16:09:46

i thought i was "odd" as i never have had any maternal feelings towards my bump, and afraid i still dont. i dont wish my bump ill, but tbh im really annoyed that it is there and i can no longer fit into any of my nice clothes, feel fat and frumpy, cant sleep and have aches and pains all the time, as well as her kicking me all hours of the day and night. i often wonder why i actually decided to get pregnant at all!
my bf is soo excited it makes me ill lol.
i spoke to my MW and she said dont worry it will come, and so have alot of women in my family.
dont look through maternity books though, those happy looking women clutching there bumps made me feel really bad!

reluctant1stimer Sun 24-Aug-08 18:15:13

Thanks to you all for such supportive messages. This has made me feel a lot better knowing i'm not the only one feeling this way!
to be honest, I've been really lucky with pregnancy so far, no sickness or anything just not looking forward to the afterwards and having to be responsible, but feel a bit more positive now that I will have feelings for this baby!
MumtoBean, you are right! I've been looking through too many books and scaring myself. I'm thinking perhaps ignorance really is bliss, at least until nearer the time.

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