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How bad is it for baby if mum-to-be is stressed?

(9 Posts)
Alexa808 Fri 22-Aug-08 15:12:55

During my pregnany I've witnessed our house collapse (ceiling caved in), a leaky roof, a relocation to Asia, 2 flights back to the UK to parcel up my life there, setting up a home here, buying, lifting and arranging furniture, experienced the stress and anxiety of a legal case, had to get our 2 cats over here within a few days, I haven't eaten properly during the pregnancy, etc.

Tonight I've had another blazing fight with DH, exploding with rage because he screamed at me first and I'm tired of being screamed at and commandeered around. I'm sick to the back teeth of him always raising his voice and I feel controlled.

I could then feel the baby kick and my stomach lurch. I started to cry and still feel so miserable about how much this damages her.

How bad is all of that for baby? Please don't be harsh on me, am really feeling fragile tonight.

LoveActually Fri 22-Aug-08 15:30:29

Hello Alexa808,
Babies can cope with a lot more than we think, I've had a stressful pregnancy so far - was even thinking of leaving my partner (he was jobless and drinking) but my doctor and midwife have both pointed out that the human race would have died out long ago if we were unable to cope with a bit of stress. It's probably not ideal for the baby but I'm sure your stress is temporary. A few weeks ago I was finding things unbearable but things have thankfully moved on, as they do (my DH now has two well-paid jobs to choose from and has cut down on his drinking).
Hope this helps, you are no alone that's for sure. xx

Alexa808 Fri 22-Aug-08 15:35:50

Hello LoveActually, oh how good for you it has all turned out so well. I hope your DH is getting better. Yes, as in your case the stress is temporary but I feel so much more vulnerable now. Am really quite upset that I feel so cheated because I didn't enjoy my pregnancy one bit sad

When I got angry and vocal I could feel my heart racing and my tummy ache. I really hope it passes soon. Thanks for the comforting words. Really need them. x

ninedragons Fri 22-Aug-08 15:39:15

Don't worry about it.

A relative was pregnant in London during the Blitz. Her DD turned out just fine and is hale and hearty in her 60s.

Being bombed every night is worse than having the occasional row and taking the odd long-haul flight.

MrsTittleMouse Fri 22-Aug-08 15:40:18

We did a very long distance move too when I was pregnant, DH and I were apart for 6 weeks, plus DH didn't have a job and was stressed out of his box about "providing for his new family". It wasn't a fun time for me, and I sometimes think that it would have been nice to have really revelled in the pregnancy (I felt bloody awful through the whole thing too - exhausted and sick).
DD is, however, perfectly healthy and shows no signs of being anxious or anything else that could be contributed to my state when pregnant. In fact, she's face first into everything, so perhaps it would be better if she was a bit more shy, or at least, less work for me. grin
Your baby will be fine, honest.

LoveActually Fri 22-Aug-08 15:43:28

Come to think of it ninedragons has a good point! My mum, who is now 64, was born during the war. In fact when my nan was 8 months pregnant with my mum she was on a train that was bombed by a doodlebug. My mum is one of the healthiest people you will ever meet.
I think things are relative - in some ways we have it easier than our parents and in other ways more stressful but yes being worried about dying every night is probably the most stressful you can ever get!

Alexa808 Fri 22-Aug-08 15:44:06

Hello 9, thanks for putting things into perspective. My Mum was actually born in Germany in '38. I just felt horrible tonight when I remembered baby can now hear what's going on outside and I think I worked myself into a frenzy.

Thank MrsTittleMouse, good for your DD smile Makes me feel better to hear this.

Alexa808 Fri 22-Aug-08 15:45:33

Love, what a story! They don't make'em like this anymore smile

RambleOn Fri 22-Aug-08 15:48:08

I also have had a very stressful pg (am 20wks), and my life will continue to be stressful for the foreseeable.

I take comfort in the study which suggests that a stressy pregnancy produces a child which is more resiliant and able to handle stress themselves. I try to think of it as a positive thing.

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