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The next pregnancy (stillbirth mentioned)

(12 Posts)
AHB238 Thu 14-Aug-08 09:46:21

Hi, my daughter was born sleeping at 38+6 on 2nd March this year, we found out 2 days before that her heart had stopped beating, it was the hardest thing ever having to give birth naturally knowing that our baby was already dead. Her death has devastated my partner and I and some days i don't see a way forward, just feel like i am in a very long and very dark tunnel with no end in sight.

I found out on Tuesday that i am 5 weeks pregnant, we are both happy about it, and now have a glimmer of hope, a light at the end of that dark tunnel, but as you can guess are both really nervous. It's not like an early miscarriage where once you pass that week the nervousness eases, we have the whole 9 months, although they have said that they will not let us go past 37 to 38 weeks this time, so only another 32 ish of complete paranoia to go.

We are trying to think positive and look to the future. But we are still grieving for our daughter, she's only been gone for 5 months.

We don't want people to think that we are over our daughter, because we are from it. We have no other living children.She was our first child.

Although over the moon about this one, just feel really confused at the moment and wondered if there is anyone else that has been through the same thing??

IAmNotHere Thu 14-Aug-08 09:54:15

I'm so sorry your lost your daughter. You're not alone - look on this thread.

morningpaper Thu 14-Aug-08 09:54:20

No advice for you but well done for posting, I'm sure someone will be along soon with some advice. I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter. xxx

greenlawn Thu 14-Aug-08 09:54:43

Hi, sorry to hear of your loss - there are some posts below (pregnancy after stillbirth) - you're not alone.

mankymummy Thu 14-Aug-08 09:55:03

i havent been through this but didnt want your post to go unanswered. im so sorry for your loss i cannot imagine how awful it must have been.

this pregnancy is inevitably going to be difficult for you but can you focus on the unlikelyhood of it happening to you again?

did you get an explanation of why your daughter died?

your daughter will always be your first child and you will always love her, but I'm sure she would want you to be happy that you will have another child.

shreksmissus Thu 14-Aug-08 09:55:25

Message withdrawn

lilymolly Thu 14-Aug-08 09:57:08

Not been through this at all, but an aquaintance of mine recently had a still born and I was so upset for her as I had only seen her the week before.

So firstly so sorry for having to go through this.

Oh course your not over your daughter, you will never ever forget her.
But sweetie life does go on and now you have another little bean to concentrate on.

I am pretty sure that unless you hade some congenital problem causing your still birth, there will be NO GREATER risk for this baby.

Everything WILL be fine.
Pregnancy in its self is hugely worrying and completely normal.

Please try not to worry, and look forward to having a healthy happy baby.


AHB238 Thu 14-Aug-08 10:06:18

We had a PM done and they said that her cord had coiled up like a spring and stopped the oxygen getting to her and also the placenta was on the small side which restricted her growth slightly, although she was 7lbs. They have no reason for either thing, they just happened. So will give me extra scans from 28 weeks this time.

Thanks for the link too, will have a look.

oopsadaisyangel Thu 14-Aug-08 10:17:28

Hi AHB238

Just wanted to post and say we're here for you! My DS2 was stillborn on 19 Dec 07 and I'm now 17 weeks pregnant. Try not to stress too much about this pregnancy (easier said than done I know!) but you will be looked after so much more than your last pregnancy. Pregnancy after a stillbirth is so hard, like you say its not like you can get past a point and then feel releaved - you'll only get that feeling when you hear your baby come out crying grin. I was at my midwifes yesterday and heard this baby's heartbeat for the first time - that in itself was such a relief but will not stop me was having the slight panic that it won' be there every time I go for a scan or have the heartbeat checked.

So sorry about your little girl - she has her wings now and will no doubt be playing happily with the other lO's that got their wings too early - know that might sound soppy but thats how I like to think of it - I've my own little angel now!!

Good luck with this pregnancy and if you want to talk we're here for you smile

Oops x

MatBackFack Thu 14-Aug-08 10:22:26

just wanted to say I am so sorry for your loss. I don't know what you are going through but a friend of mine lot her daughter at 39 weeks and is now 6m pregnant so I have some idea of how hard it is. She does say that this time the hospital and the staff have been very good and have given her much more support and reassurance scans. Take it one day at a time, thinking of you.

MatBackFack Thu 14-Aug-08 10:22:49

all of your losses, it is just so unfair.

pleasecutmygrass Thu 14-Aug-08 10:26:05

Having been through exactly the same thing 7 months ago and currently 12 weeks pregnant I can understand exactly how you are feeling. Everything you are feeling is perfectly normal including your joy at being pregnant again.

One of the first thoughts I had when we were told our daughter's heart had stopped beating was, "we will never now have children as I cannot possibly go through this again." The love we felt for our beautiful girl though the moment we held her in our arms convinced us that we could not possibly go through the rest of our lives without feeling that love again.

It took us many months until we felt ready to try again and now that we have just told our closest friends and family they are, without exception, totally delighted for us. People will not judge you; they have no expectations of you and those closest to you are probably waiting with baited breath to hear news just like this.

Completely pointless to say please try to relax and enjoy it as we both know that isn't going to happen! The only things we can reassure ourselves with is that the same thing is EXTREMELY UNLIKELY TO HAPPEN AGAIN and that the level of care we will receive this time will be exceptional. I know each hospital has different policies but here's what I've been told will happen;

an early scan at 9 weeks (already happened and all looking good!)

a second scan at 16 weeks

a scan every month thereafter, possibly more often as I reach my due date

induction at 38 weeks

Hope this has helped and if you'd like to get in touch please contact me directly and we can possibly provide a bit of support to each other in the long, long, LONG months to come!

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