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A trivial problem, advice please

(8 Posts)
Theochris Wed 13-Aug-08 09:03:56

Hi, I'm currently 15 weeks with what I hope will be our 2nd child. I have not yet told anyone apart from DH as we had a second trimester loss earlier this year and I'm not ready to talk about the 'new' baby yet. Well not until we get through the 20 week scan and know that all the major organs are present/OK.

I have been asked by my lovely BF to be her bridesmaid when I will fingers crossed be 19 weeks (not recently I said yes ages ago and we have the dresses). Now with my dd I did not show until 24 weeks and put on little weight until the last couple of months. I'm not showing yet and the dress is quite forgiving (have tried breathing out as much as poss so see if it will still be OK).

Am I being really horrid not letting my friend know? Part of me doesn't want to tell her as I don't want it to become about me (she knows all about what happened this year).

PS my DH says it's OK not to tell her as she is the nicest person in the world and would be OK with it, but I don't want to spoil her day by looking crap in the dress (pretty sure even if I get big I will still get in it).

madmouse Wed 13-Aug-08 09:17:56

Oh my Lord a second trimester loss - that must have been so painful, and still is no doubt. You have to deal with this in a way that helps you cope. I bet being pregnant is not very easy atm anyway.

If your bf is your bf she will understand. She may feel said that you could not let her support you in the early days, but your interest will be paramount to her.

As far as I can see the worst that can happen is that you have to pay someone some money to let the dress out.

Don't worry. Tell your friend when you are ready.

There is a current thread with women pregnant after a still birth here

I hope it all goes well

Flamesparrow Wed 13-Aug-08 09:20:53

She will completely understand, and probably be sooooooo touched that you don't want to take over her day

jollyjolly Wed 13-Aug-08 09:22:16

I agree with Madmouse, if she really is your friend she will totally understand, and i am a firm believer that the one time you are allowed to be truly selfish is during pregnancy, you have to put yourself first because you're carrying your baby.

I would do just the same as you, you are being a good friend to her in a way by letting her have the day for herself and not be worrying about you.

Yo're both two lucky women to have each other.

MiniMarmite Wed 13-Aug-08 10:28:31

She will completely understand, a second trimester loss is a terrible thing to have gone through and I really feel for you.

I didn't tell my BF about my current pregnancy until about 17 weeks following a relatively early loss and she completely understood.

Wishing you all the luck in the world and hoping you can enjoy your pregnancy and your BFs wedding soon. x

Theochris Wed 13-Aug-08 12:18:31

Thanks everyone. I guessed people would be supportive, it's kind of like asking 'do you like children?' on here. I expect if I went to a wedding site and asked the same question, everyone would think I'm being super selfish Anyhow, I'm not going to do that!

So as long as the dress still looks OK, I will stick with my not telling, she will just worry that the dress won't fit. If all is still OK, I will tell her after the wedding even though it's before my 20 week scan so at least she will know first.

sleeplessinseatle Wed 13-Aug-08 21:28:07

Brides are secretly glad if their bridesmaids arent super skinny, so they dont get outshined on their big day grin

Kezza7779 Thu 14-Aug-08 08:48:04

hold ya bridesmaid flowers over any developing lump - no one will notice - i think its fine not to tell her and im positive she will more than understand, and.. how kind of you to not wanna spoil her day (altho u being pregnant would never do that im sure) good luck x

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