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So Happy Yet So Unhappy All At The Same Time :o(

(9 Posts)
OneBoyOneGirl Sat 09-Aug-08 11:40:41

Hiya everyone -
I have just taken a PG test and much to my amazement i am pregnant!

I have a daughter 2 yrs 6 Months who we tried for for a year and a Son who is one this month and was a pleasant suprise and i have just discovered im pregnant again - but now im scared to death.

I love the kids to bits but am finding it such a struggle as we've had so many bad things happen since my son was born.

My DH lost his job - twice due to redundancies and is currently not working so we are struggling for money more than ever, we have gone from a working family in a nice house etc to living from benefits trying to make ends meet in a year.

Its taken the toll on me and DH and whilst a strong family, naturally with two young children the couple side of it has faded. - we have only even done the deed once since my son was born and hey presto!

I can only be 4 weeks or so.

I keep toying with thoughts - part of me thinks alot can change in 9 months and we could have our life back on track by then but another part of me thinks how irresponsible it would be to have a child in our situation.

Can i just add that we did use protection, i have been on the pill since having my DS - i know i must have missed one or done something wrong but definately not intentionally.

DH says whilst another baby will be lovely,he's scared that we are already struggling as a family to cope with our situation and get through the day at the minute.

I am extremely low, put on lots of weight, don't have no confidence and already feel as though i do not give my two children the time and attention they deserve, although my family insist this is in my mind and im doing a great job.

There we go, the cherry on the cake - We have had an eviction letter from our landlord too just whilst im writing this. We have never missed a payment but have paid late on several occasions as we have had to wait for benefits to be sorted as we've been in and out of temp jobs and she's giving us two months to leave.

I know nobody can tell me what to do, and im so sorry to ramble on -
I guess im just looking for reassurance that things could be ok ????

lollipopz Sat 09-Aug-08 12:07:31

Feel for you, not really much advice apart from this baby may be meant to be and you are right when you say a lot can change in 9 months, we were in a similar situation when i fell preg with ds (dds were 4 and2), we lived in a 2 bedroom and dh and i were both having problems at work.
Was a hard time but we got there in the end and ds was a wee ray of sunshine at the end!
Good luck xx

WombFor1More Sat 09-Aug-08 14:32:40

I'm sorry you're feeling like this. A lot can and almost definately will change in the next 8/9months and for the better.For one you will have a wonderful little new addition to your family smile

As you already have a quite young lo then presumably you have many baby things needed from your ds? That will save you money already. Babies tend not to need that much for first 6months so that gives you even more time to play with.

It sounds like both you and dp are happy about this so don't let your circumstances out a downer on things. This IS a good thing grin

Contact Shelter with regards to your impending eviction. They are absolutely fab and will help you out with all the advice you could need. If you don't manage to stay where you are or find something else by eviction date then you can apply to the local council. Infact you can apply now anyway as you have been given an eviction notice.Ring them first thing Monday and explain the situation and they will tell you the best stap to take next.

I know it must seem that everything is grey atm but there is always that silver lining to look for somewhere.

Good luck and let us know how you get on.

Btw I have ds6, ds4, dd just turned 1 and due with ds 3 in 7weeks shock but we muddle through and I wouldn't have it any other way!

xxx

lou031205 Sat 09-Aug-08 14:51:43

Hi OneBoyOneGirl!

Firstly, congratulations!! I have just found out that I am pregnant again, and have two DDs, 2.8 and one this week! I can totally identify with how you are feeling re: coping.

What gets me through that, is that when DD1 was DD2's age, I was pregnant with DD2. And now, she seems so big. So I know that I have coped with a baby and a toddler before, as have you.

I know it is a shock, and you are struggling, but things can change, and if nothing else, your benefits will increase with the arrival of DC3, so you won't be struggling on the same money with a bigger family.

Give yourself time to absorb the news, and you may feel a little better. Also of course, make sure that you put yourself on the council housing list if you haven't already done so, as you are technically homeless.

Reading between the lines, I would think very carefully before doing anything permanent that you could regret if your situation improves, as it doesn't sound like in normal circumstances you would be considering it. This situation could last only a short while, but any permanent decisions last a lifetime, if you know what I am saying. Sorry if I have read that all wrong.

OneBoyOneGirl Sat 09-Aug-08 15:31:53

Just wanted to say thank you - it has sunk in a little more now and i am gradually getting used to the idea and thinking of the positive side of things.

I have enquired online about a council property on the off chance and im hoping that our situation is better by the time the baby comes along.

Glad to hear that other people have managed. I know its not going to be easy but on the plus side i have a lovely DH who really helps with the housework and the kids - sometimes i think he does more than me, although i'd never admit it to him.

Im not going to tell anyone until we have another house and things are looking up as the last thing i need is the 'what were you thinking' comments im likely to get.

So i guess im off to join the April pre-natal and giving my self a much needed kick up the ass! )

WombFor1More Sat 09-Aug-08 18:20:02

Well CONGRATULATIONS!! gringrin

Glad you're feeling a bit better about everything.

I know I will cope with number 4 but even I have my "oh dear God what have I done" moments lol!

Now you can get excited, woohoooo!

Hope you get housing sorted soon and that will be a big worry off your mind.

Good luck x

lou031205 Sun 10-Aug-08 09:26:57

OneBoyOneGirl - Hooray! I could cry for you (blame pregnancy hormones). I was really worried that you were feeling forced into a course of action you would regret.

9 months is a long time - plenty can happen!

babyinbelly Sun 10-Aug-08 11:07:36

Hello. Just offering a little support. When pg with ds1 I was single and on benefits and for the same reason as you was behind on rent payments and got evicted. Council not prepared to help AT ALL and coping on my own made it even worse. However I carried on regardless. Didn't pay council tax for 8m cos I thought that eating was more important! Anyway, in the end came through it. Finaces picked up and now I have fabulous DP and with DC2 on the way.

What I'm trying to say is that things have a way of working themselves out in the end and even when something looks impossible there is always a way.

Good luck with everything and congratulations. grin

Wisknit Sun 10-Aug-08 13:15:38

13 weeks now, but I did a preg test when ds2 was around a year, ds2 was nearly 2.5.

Balled my eyes out as I wanted to have a bigger gap this time,
We were using contraception too and I haven't hed a period since before I fell pg w/ds1.

Just wait til the shock wears off. You'll manage...don't we always?

Congratulations by the way.

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