antenatal depression? feeling low and can't stop crying

[babybarmy]

I am 30 weeks pregnant and for the last two months I have found myself getting more and more miserable.I cry about three times a day,feel anxious to the point of nearly being sick in the evenings, can't sleep,irritable and ready to scream.

It seems so weird as my ife hasn't changed,no real major problems. I'm really tired from running around after my very lively 3 year old and working but lots of people manage this without sinking into depression. I dont have many people to call on nearby,more that I feel awkward asking and feel isolated.My husband is great but he works long hours and already does everything he can when he is home.

Will it get better when the baby comes? I'm dreading it as I think the extra pressure and tiredness might tip me over the edge.Why can't I cope?

[Elasticwoman]

It's absolutely normal to be tired when you have a huge bump and a 3 yr old to look after. Don't worry about how other people cope - every one's situation is different.

I suggest you mention the way you feel at your next ante natal appointment and think about taking the iron supplements that may well be prescribed. I never wanted them because I was scared of getting constipated, but I managed a nap every afternoon, which maybe you're not able to take?

After the birth: (a) weather may be cooler and (b) you won't be carrying a huge bump around constantly. I remember thinking like you, but for me postnatal was always easier than antenatal.

[LenniEd]

I had antenatal depression when pg with DD. It was much like you have described, and I became very isolated from people and found it hard to cope.

First of all - it went as soon as DD was born - literally the same day. But more importantly you need to talk to your midwife or GP about it as soon as you can - they will be able to help. My midwife said that she found that women with antenatal depression rarely suffered from postnatal depression. I was so glad not to be pregnant anymore I was virtually ecstatic when DD was born and I think the health visitor who saw us at home would have thought I was on drugs had I not explained about the pregnancy being difficult!

[babybarmy]

I have just found out I have really low iron levels..hoping this may be the cause and the iron tablets will make me feel better despite their side effects.

It's reassuring to hear that people feltbetter once the baby arrived. I loved my first pregnancy and really dont want to feel so negatively about this one as it is what I really want, another little girl to join the family :-)

[Elasticwoman]

Babybarmy I hope you are able to rest during the day at some stage. If you can persuade 3 year old to rest too (perhaps with tv on if she won't sleep) it might help. Make feet up on the sofa a priority, and eat plenty of prunes to counteract the effect of iron tablets on your gut.

Having a dh who works long hours is very hard I think, and this weather is probably not helping either.

[pollyblue]

Sorry you're feeling so low - if you find iron tablets had to stomach have you heard of Floradix/Floravital? My midwife recommended it to me, it's a liquid iron supplement with some vits thrown in too. It's very easy on your stomach.

[accessorizequeen]

bb, v.sorry to hear you're so miserable. I'm 30 weeks pg too with dt's and have two ds's running around too - I'm now getting some rest as I'm on mat.leave & they're in nursery 2 days. that has made a huge difference to me as I was crying a lot & getting very stressed. I suspect tiredness is a big killer for you here, I am in tears by mid-morning sometimes when I have the boys from the sheer exhaustion & the heat is awful.

Is your dd in nursery at all now that she's 3 & funded? You said you don't have people to call on but if there is someone e.g. mil, perhaps you could force yourself to ask them for some help, just one or two hours would be enough for you to lie down & rest & that might help you feel better about everything else. Otherwise, are you sitting down with your dd in the afternoon if she watches some tv/dvd etc rather than getting tea, doing chores? ds2 has a nap but ds1 will curl around me as I lie on the sofa and sometimes I get 10 minutes without a question!

When I suspected I was getting depressed in this pg & the last one, I asked the MV & there was a mental health nurse I could have seen. Talking things over might help you a lot, let some of the tension out. She could also advise you whether it's really depression & you're likely to suffer from PND. It doesn't sound like it to me, I think there's only so much you can take & you've reached the limit. It is incredibly hard work looking after a 3 yr old much less being pg at the same time & all the people I know have struggled with it, don't be so tough on yourself.

[babybarmy]

Thanks,things do seem a bit better now, I have asked for help and let people close to me know I'm struggling.I'm a bit proud and dont like to feel like I'm not in control and I probably over stretch myself doing too many activities everyday with my dd which tire me out.

I am trying to rest a bit in the day, I find if I wear my dd out in the morning I get a short break to put my feet up in the afternoon.I haven't cried today so far, so thats an improvement!! :-)

Yes,acccessorise queen, she does go to nursery but it's now the holidays but in september she will be going for more sessions which will help,she loves going too.

I feel more positive having told people how bad things have got as I was trying to hide it and soldier on which wasn't working at all.I dont think I'm clinically depressed to be honest, I just think I am exhausted,iron deficient,sleep deprived and hot like all the other mums-to-be at the moment :-)

[accessorizequeen]

that all sounds good bb, I do know exactly what you mean, I hate asking for help & admitting I can't do everything I used to. But this is better than crying every day. I'm not really one to talk, I've been pushing myself when the ds's are at nursery & in the evenings to get the nursery done & house 'sorted'. Have done my back in today and can hardly walk, so I'm an idiot really!
I'm sure if you get that break every day with your feet up or even lying on the floor/couch, you'll start to feel much better

[babybarmy]

We sound like we are in the same boat AQ..our spare room is half done,hoping to finish it off in next few weeks, just so tired in the evenings, it's a very slow project.

It's hard not to do all the things you used to do, I've done my back in gardening,have been climbing into the loft,painting the walls etc I think a week in bed would help!

[accessorizequeen]

I find being pg so frustrating at the end & particularly this time as my bump got big by 20 weeks so I was unable to do things easily by that point. Nonetheless, moving lots of staff last week round the new nursery as I couldn't bear to ask dp for yet another favour! People keep saying I have to slow down & I just want to scream but of course they're right & I had to rest more when told one of the dt's had a problem a few weeks ago.

[laura325630]

I was like this from around 30 weeks. I got so bad that I didnt see any family and told them all that I didnt want them seeing my lo for a few weeks after the birth. I also started hating my neighbours just because they asked how I was! I got very angry a lot of the time over stupid small things!

Once I had given birth I was back to normal and wanted everyone to meet my dd. It is just your hormones and they should go back to normal as soon as lo pops out! Good luck x

[easterbunbuns]

Antenatal depression is more common than you think and is not very pleasant to go through. I had it with both of my pregnancies and I truly hated being pregnant - most people were suprised when i chose to put myself through it again. I found it easier too deal with second time round as i knew I'd be fine after the birth and unlike other forms of depression at least you have some idea when it will end. I could have very easily killed myself during both pregnancies (seriously) but bonded fine with both babies. Its tough and the next few weeks will get tougher but this will be much better once the baby is born and you will just feel relieved its all over. Stick with it but don't suffer in silence, tell folks you need helping out to get some rest and it won't feel quite so bad.

[sab1982]

Im 6 months pregnant with my second child, and feel very low and insecure.
I never had this with my first child and finding it hard to cope with. I've had it for a week now and cannot shift it even when i try to do things to take my mind of it.

Im finding it hard to sleep and cant stop myself from crying.

My skin is also suffering at the moment which is why i think im feeling insecure, which isnt fair on my partner either.

Will this get better before the baby comes?
How do i get past it?

[alfiesmadmother]

I just want to provide some support to anyone who feels that it may still be there when you have the baby. With my third child I was depressed (though never admitted it to anyone). I struggled to cope with everything, was irritable, cancelled every outing/engagemnet, left my job, had anxiety. I was only happy when in bed holding my bump and I look back on that time sadly as I feel i was a horrid , snappy Mummy.

But when my DS was born the feelings went immediatley and I was over the moon and became myself again. I am now pregnant again and the feelings are surfacing again already (so much so that I told DH yesterday I would not care a bit if I lost the baby - this was a much wanted, planned pregnancy.

This time I am going to speak to my midwife/doctor, and seek out other pregnant friends as the feeling of isolation makes things worse. I have loads of friends none who are pregnant and I feel ouit of the loop already. Anyway, please hang in there, soon you will forget you ever felt like this.