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family members who smoke do's and dont's HELP PLEASE..........

(24 Posts)
niki1 Mon 21-Jul-08 17:04:58

hi would be pleased for any info/advise. is it ok to allow a family member who has been outside for a cigarette to return and sit in the same room as a baby? we all obviously know to never smoke around a baby but i have read some different evidence on possible problems when a smoker is allowed in the same room as a baby (one article stated this shouldnt be allowed even if the person last smoked upto 6 hour ago)as you can imagine this could be a problem for people who have relations who smoke.whilst they would be more than happy to do it outside im not sure how you would go about banning them from entering the house??!

pinkspottywellies Mon 21-Jul-08 17:11:05

I heard - can't remember where from - that chemicals from smoking can remain on your breath for about an hour. I think if someone was to come straight in and hold/kiss your baby (ie breathing straight on them) they could be inhaling nasties. However a couple of old colleagues of mine who smoke have had cigarettes and come straight in to make a fuss of dd (when she was small) and while it made me wince I didn't say anything. This was only very occasional though and if it was family and more regularly I might have said something. I have one friend who is a smoker and when we were visiting she would have one a couple of hours before we were due and then wait til she had had a cuddle and made a fuss of dd, then she would rush outside gasping for a fag!! Very sweet of her to think about it!

mishkamoo Mon 21-Jul-08 17:12:58

We have the same problem, as my parents both smoke. Unfortunately we haven't come up with a solution. DH and I have agreed between us that we don't want the baby staying overnight at my parent's until he/she is at least 6m old (not based on any science though). I do worry though about spending even short visits in their house, as our clothes always smell after we have been there. Also worry about them breathing on the baby shortly after smoking. Sorry not to be any help, but I know where you're coming from!

ilovemydog Mon 21-Jul-08 17:15:01

DS was a low weight baby, so the midwife, upon discharge had to ask about smoking in the household - i.e. who smoked.

Neither me nor DP smokes, but mil does.

So, the rules (as dicated by the midwife) are:

1. MIL cannot smoke within 30 minutes of holding DS.

2. She cannot wear the same clothes she has had a cigarette in.

3. She cannot smoke outside. (see rule 2)

Both DP and I were thrilled by these rules as we both hate smoking.

MIL still smells like an ashtray though... hmm

sparklesandnowinefor14weeks Mon 21-Jul-08 17:17:48

I think you just use your common sense, yes its not pleasant but if its only occasionally that this happens then i really wouldn't worry about it

yes ask them to go outside to smoke and also ask them to wash their hands after their fag

please tell me your seriously thinking of banning people from your house/holding your baby because they have had a fag outside?!

MaloryTowersUrbaniteLady Mon 21-Jul-08 17:19:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sparklesandnowinefor14weeks Mon 21-Jul-08 17:19:25

that should read.....please tell me your not seriously thinking of banning people from your house/holding your baby because they have had a fag outside?!

niki1 Mon 21-Jul-08 17:31:42

thanks for the replies,i find this an absolute minefield from what ive read so far on various sites. noone has ever smoked in my house and have never allowed this(mainly as my house might smell like dot cotton's)!!!but father in law and dh both smoke outside and have done since long before i knew them!!! so obviously cant ban them from house as im quite attached to them especially dh!!!but ive been told from many to simply say stop or dont come near the baby!!! i would like to find a more sensible solution based on sensible information.whilst most know they shouldnt smoke, the fact is people do and id like to find a reasonable approach keeping baby as safe as possible whist still appreciating freedom of choice.

kookiegoddess Mon 21-Jul-08 17:53:03

I'm struggling with the same problem. Dad and brother smoke and I'm planning to ask them to either give up or not smoke at all if they come over/to stay, and to wear clean clothes beforehand. I really can't bear ciggie smoke and I think if I find it unbearable then someone with lungs a fraction of my size will only find it so much worse. I don't think it's asking a lot, if the baby was sick and wasn't allowed to be around smokers then I'm sure they'd make the sacrifice. I find it very hard to be flexible on this point because I dislike smoking so much. Not sure how I'll handle it, I've just emailed my mum (ex-smoker) for advice.

niki1 Mon 21-Jul-08 17:55:17

yes it tough isnt it, but especially if your married to them!!!

DanJARMouse Mon 21-Jul-08 17:58:24

big overcoat and hat for smoking in outside
wash hands when finished
brush teeth when finished

try to avoid holding baby for 20 mins after fag.

those were my rules (sadly for myself and my DH)

kookiegoddess Mon 21-Jul-08 17:59:09

Most women I know who have a smoking partner have made them give up during pg or at least got them to work towards giving up by the time of the birth. I can't imagine being a dad and thinking it's ok to smoke around my child or my pg/bf wife!! Sorry I really am a bit too biased to be commenting on this issue. blush

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Mon 21-Jul-08 18:08:46

Phew! Millie Tants a little bit? There is some suggestion that fresh smoke on a person's breath can be inhaled by a baby but you probably fed the baby far more, and far worse, when stuck in traffic or whatever when pregnant. In fact, if you take the baby for a walk in a town the baby will inhale far worse than a bit of second hand smoke.
Yes, it's gross, but really...

ipanemagirl Mon 21-Jul-08 18:10:49

oh lordy, I'm well stuffed then. DH smokes and if I said he couldn't hold our imminent baby for half an hour after he smokes!!!
Is there proper research I can throw at him though? Anyone know a link to it?!

I'd love him to give up but suspect with great regret that hell will freeze over first!

niki1 Mon 21-Jul-08 18:18:38

yes agreed, i mean i have to make clear that yes dh smokes but we are talking around 5 per hasnt bothered me whist pregnant as he smokes outside so i am not around it in any way.whilst i appreciate some women may insist he gives up whilst they are pg im affraid my philosophy in life has always been to accept adults are free to make choices whether i agree or not as long as it doesnt affect me.this goes for smoking, drinking obesity for me at least, i am really looking into this to give family members appropriate rules so their choices dont affect my baby......not to insist they change their behavior according to my wishes.sorry if i sound wishy washy on the subject....but i did marry him flaws and all!!!

sparklesandnowinefor14weeks Mon 21-Jul-08 20:14:01

very sensible approach, i'm an ex-smoker and DP has never smoked - i gave up as soon as i found out i was pg with DS1 and haven't smoked since but DP's dad and step mum both smoke, i have never liked it around the DC but i have to accept them for who they are

<<ipa i hope ye are well smile>>>

SJisontheway Tue 22-Jul-08 20:52:50

MIL & FIL both smoke but we only see them occaisionly and they always smoke outside - even when we are visiting them. It never bothered me hugely. Like others have said, they will inhale a lot worse out on the roadside. One suggestion, I used to work in a cleanroom environment and one of the rules before entering was to take a drink of water - apparently the logic was to wash down any particles in mouth left from smoking - so an easy rule to enforce would be smoke outside, wash hands and take a drink. Sounds reasonable to me...

ipanemagirl Thu 24-Jul-08 10:30:21

Hello sparkles! Hope ur well!

I need to do some research to put in front of him or he think it's all the madness of controlling killjoys...... What can you do with someone that deluded? He's fabulous in many ways but just can't seem to budge on the smoking. [resigned emoticon with shades of sorrow].........

dan39 Thu 31-Jul-08 14:24:43

Hi all, reading this with interest as I am 13 wks and my DH smokes and I really wish he didn't...but like you, Niki, I think he has choices. He smokes outside and only after 5pm (his choice, instigated 2 yrs ago when we started trying as had been a 24 hour smoker before)but I hate the idea - for his health too! Also want him to work it out for himself tho...which is a bit crap/chicken. BUT I want him to be involved so don't fancy banning him, even if for 20 min stretches. Research would be good but I fear there is no unbiased smoking/anti-smoking stuff to be had. But I remember my estranged mum spending a weekend wiht sis and her small baby and mum smoked outside but stank of it and even I was uncomfy with her holding baby. Maybe she was very heavy smoker tho?

surelyyoucantbeserious Mon 18-Aug-08 16:13:50

Niki glad you started this thread. DH smokes and I am very keen for him to quit. LO due in just under a month...I'm seeing no signs of him stopping! 20 min rule just doesn't seem practical to me - I'm sure there will be many times when I need help from DH now, not in 20 mins time.

So it's quit or, er, quit as far as I'm concerned! Not sure I'll win though...

The other thing to consider in this is that children are twice as likely to become smokers if one or more parent smokes. That's the other reason I want him to stop. His parents smoke and so does he & siblings- don't want to pass the habit on to another generation.

GivePeasAChance Mon 18-Aug-08 16:30:30

I think this thread is verging on paranoia. What is actually going to happen to the child who is within metres of someone who has smoked in the last 20 minutes?

kgirl Tue 19-Aug-08 13:55:20

I have the same problem as both my MIL and FIL smoke as do my SIL and her partner. I'm not to concerned about SIL as she lives quite far away and if she wants to see the baby she'll have to come to ours and my DH has already layed down the rules about that. It's the in laws that are my concern as they only live up the road and smoke between 30-40 a day EACH which means their smoking 60-80 a day which neither see a problem with.
But how do u tell them that we won't be bringing the baby to their house while they still smoke?

lauraloola Tue 19-Aug-08 15:40:18

I dont let any smokers hold dd when they have had a cigerette for at least an hour! They dont like it but tough!

dan39 Tue 19-Aug-08 18:00:22

I can see where you are coming from re paranoia, BUT they do have tny little lungs and we surely do just want the best for them? I have a worry about the cot death stats which seem to suggest sharing a room is only safe if neither parent smokes - I am not sure about this as I do feel all research is biased in one or the other direction re smoking.
Someone above points out road pollution and for me that put it into persective, to an extent...we can't hide them from the whole world but there is still the desire to do the right thing.
But good question - what DOES happen to a baby if held by a smoker? Nothing obvious (like holding and smoking at the same time - I can see why thats wrong cos of passive smoking and again, the wee small lungs thing.

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