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Im pregnant and very scared confused and dont know what to do!

(17 Posts)
samispink Mon 21-Jul-08 15:50:53

I have just found out im pregnant, im having an operation tommorrow to have my gallbladder removed.
I had an abortion last yr and dont think I can go through that again, but things with my b.f of nearly 5yrs have been tough lately and he made me have the abortion last time, im also in my 2nd yr at uni.
I really dont know what to do, i have an awful time after having the abortion and regretted it but not sure what to do, i have no money what kind of life could i give a child.
Im so confused and havent been able to tell anyone about this!!
My b.f will go mad! HELP

fryalot Mon 21-Jul-08 15:54:34

call marie stopes and talk to someone in rl about this.

It is your body, and should be your decision. It is a big decision for you to make and you need some good advice.

If you feel you can, make an appointment with your gp and have a chat with them.

At the very least, you should have a think about whether your dp is the right chap for you, I am concerned about him "making" you have an abortion last time.

Please get some help for this

crokky Mon 21-Jul-08 15:57:09

Tackle things one thing at a time.

First - you have your operation tomorrow - when you go ask the medical staff about being pregnant and see what they say. Medically, I don't know the implications of having the operation whilst pregnant or not having it and going to term with a pregnancy.

Can you talk to your mum? If you were my daughter, I would want you to tell me and I would do my best to help you with this.

If your BF will go mad, leave him out of it for the moment. Try and speak to someone calmer, I am hoping this might be your mum or an older sister.

crokky Mon 21-Jul-08 15:58:18

Oh, and don't let ANYONE make you have an abortion. It's your decision.

crokky Mon 21-Jul-08 15:59:23

The number one thing a child needs is love.

Seeline Mon 21-Jul-08 15:59:40

I feel so sorry for you - finding yourself pg is terrifying at the best of times. Squonk is right - you must try and talk to someone. You say you are ahving an operation tomorrow - please tell the surgeon before. The anaesthetic and other drugs may have an effect on the baby.
Good luck

PinkTulips Mon 21-Jul-08 16:01:27

i know it's the last thing you want to hear right now but you should know they'll preg test you before the op and refuse to do it when they get a positive sad

money and boyfriend issues aside, do you honestly think you could cope with another abortion? how badly would it affect you? you don't sound like you've dealt with the first very well, is another the best option?

even if you don't want to keep this baby there are other options.....

as for your dp, consider if you really want to be with him at this point. the pregnancy shoudn't change anything in this respect, he's either right for you or not and tbh 'making' you have an abortion sounds like serious emotional bullying.

samispink Mon 21-Jul-08 16:03:41

what does dp mean?
I dont have a mother! I also dont have a sister, i would talk to a friend but feel they would think badly of me as i have let this happen again.
I will be having the operation then its 2 weeks recovery so wont be able to see my GP for a while
Im really panicing i made a comment about being late yesterday to my b.f and he said well if you are i will want a dna test as i havent come inside you, which he hasnt so if i tell him he will accuse me of cheating and then i'll have that to deal with also x

PetitFilou1 Mon 21-Jul-08 16:03:53

I agree with the other posters. You will need to talk to your doctors about being pregnant and having this operation and the implications of that first of all.

Then talk to someone you can trust about how you really feel (provided everything is ok following the operation) about this. You could cope having this baby and being at University/having no money etc - people do. BUT - that doesn't mean that keeping it would be the best decision for you. This is a very personal thing. If you don't have a good friend/aunt/close relationship with your mother/sister etc then ask your GP to refer you to someone who can counsel you. You certainly don't need to be alone in this.

Your bf has no right to 'make you have an abortion'. In the end it is always up to you. I agree with the others here too, leave him out of it - for now.

Seeline Mon 21-Jul-08 16:07:30

You really need to talk things through with someone. Does the Student Union at Uni have a Counselling service - they usually do, I'm sure they would help get things a bit straighter in your mind.

PetitFilou1 Mon 21-Jul-08 16:08:20

Sam dp is partner, dh is husband.

You must tell your doctors prior to the operation if you know you are pregnant.

Your boyfriend sounds like a charmer. Surely you both know that he doesn't have to come inside you for you to get pregnant?

I'm sorry you don't have a mum or a sister to talk to. In that case, if you don't feel comfortable talking to a friend, I'd go to one of the charities like Marie Stopes or the British Pregnancy Advisory Service where you can talk to someone independent.

samispink Mon 21-Jul-08 16:08:49

uni is closed as it is the summer!
I will be stuck in for 2 weeks after the operation so will have no one to talk to

beanieb Mon 21-Jul-08 16:23:23

Do you know how far gone you are? You may still have time to think about what is best for you.

samispink Mon 21-Jul-08 16:28:38

I think i must only be 3 weeks. I have just spoke to a close friend about it but still doesnt make things any easier.
I dont want my b.f to accuse me of cheating on him as i dont think i could take that aswell,
i just really dont know what i can do. I am still not over having the first abortion so not sure if i can do that again. maybe it would be easier if i did and didnt tell anyone then wouldnt be able to talk about it etc.

Flaneuse Mon 21-Jul-08 16:38:16

Samispink, I am so sorry about your situation.

All the other posters are right - it would be a really good idea to talk to someone informed and impartial, so that you can get all the help and information you need. No one should try to make you do something you don't want to, but it is also important that you find out what will happen with the operation tomorrow.

The British Pregnancy Advisory Service's specialist call centre number is 08457 30 40 40.

Your boyfriend doesn't need to be told anything at this stage - your priority is to get support and information so that you feel stronger, before you even consider making a decision.

Take good care of yourself.

samispink Mon 21-Jul-08 16:41:07

thank you for all your advice. I will try and get this operation out of the way and then go from there and figure out what is the best thing to do, but i am worried as i only came out of hospital yesterday and had been in 5 days with gallstone pains and was being pumped full of morphine and all sorts of other drugs so I will ask tommorrow if this will have affected things.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Mon 21-Jul-08 18:20:00

Your boyfriend is a cock, and an idiot. Are you telling me you rely on withdrawal as contraception? Surely you must know that pre-cum contains sperm, and he can secrete that from the moment he gets an erection? If you have been, then you have both been reckless and are both responsible for this pregnancy.
It's unlikely that the morphine will have permanently damaged the foetus. You will have to discuss the pregnancy before you have the operation though.
You could raise the child alone, if you can't have another abortion. Really, you could. It would be hard but if it's what you want you would find a way.

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