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Pregant far from home!

(8 Posts)
FarAway Mon 07-Feb-05 05:20:28

Sorry if this message is a bit's just the first time I'm expressing myself about this, so it may go on a bit!!

Just wondering if anyone else here is in a similar situation. I'm 13wks pregnant, and living and working in East Java, Indonesia. My home is in Wales, UK. I'm living with my husband, but we're pretty alone, as he's from another part of the country, which we can't visit often. I don't feel lonely, but I'm just so confused about what to do a few months down the line. We'd planned to return to the UK in the summer, but now we've a baby due at that time! So I'm I quit my job and fly back to the UK for the last few months, and to give birth, or do I stay here, holding my job, with just my husband for support until the day arrives?! I don't feel like uprooting myself, and it'd be hard with just my husbands income if we were to move to the UK for a bit. But, staying here, away from both our families, I can see will be tough.

I miss so much tasty food from Wales that I've been fancying, but other than that, so far, I'm not lonely or finding it hard though. I did have a bad 6 weeks or sickness, but now that that's passed, I'm feeling pretty normal most of the time. Just worrying about how we'll feel later in my pregnancy. My husband is so supportive that it makes it harder for me in a way, as he'll do whatever makes me happy....leaving me to make the decisions!

Sooooo....anyone in a similar situation, far from home, and confused about what to do?! I'd love to hear from you!!

eidsvold Mon 07-Feb-05 06:32:32

i was living in the UK when pregnant with my first dd ( now 2 1/2)- all of my family and close friends were here in Australia. It was tough especially when my dd ( in utero) was diagnosed with a heart defect and needed surgery at 8 weeks old.

Whilst my dh's family were in the UK - they were unable to visit as my in laws were looking after my mil elderly ill mother... tough time all round.

I would have loved to have been here when first pregnant and then going through what we did but looking back - I don't see it as such a big deal - I just think oh well we survived that. I am not kidding - it was tough - first pregnancy and all that. Like your husband mine was incredibly supportive BUT for us coming back to Australia was not an option then. SO I just did the best I could. I guess I was lucky as I had made a few good friends - and that made it a little easier but still not the same as family. So I guess in my case the decision was made for me - I couldn't come home.

I think you have to decide what is best for you - if you really want to be back in Wales with your family and you can do it - then that is what you should do. As with most things in life - only you will know what is the best decision to make.

Hope that is a help.

collision Mon 07-Feb-05 07:54:10

I was in Italy for the birth of ds2 and I felt the same as you. I was petrified of giving birth in a country where I didnt speak the language and I found out there was no pain relief at all. I did however just get on with it as it wasnt possible to move back to the UK as we were in the middle of the busy season with our restaurant.

If I were you I would look at all the birthing options of where you are and find out if the hospitals are good and if there is pain relief and how they deal with pregnancy etc Many countries do things completely differently to the UK By the end of my pregnancy I had had enough of the the whole thing as there are LOADS of tests and hospital appointments to get through and it was really getting me down.

That might be the clincher for might prefer the way the UK do things and want to move back for the birth.

We are on our own here in Italy with 2 ds's of 3 and 12 weeks and at the end of the day you do just cope!!! HTH

Leogaela Mon 07-Feb-05 09:55:47

I am not quite so far away from home - am in Switzerland but actually I am glad to be away from my family. Going back to the UK would never be an option as my home is really here. And although dh is Swiss we are far enough away from his family for them not to be involved day to day. The most important thing for me is to have my dh close by and have his support and love. As I have gone through the pregnancy even friends have become more of an effort - i like the time and space for me & dh.

My biggest concern (especially if first pregnancy as you just don't know what to expect) would be what healthcare you can get and that your plans to come home after the baby is born don't give you stress while you are pregnant. You really need to focus on you, relaxing and positive things. Moving back to the UK now could also end up being stressful.

Lua Mon 07-Feb-05 09:56:57

Hi there,
As others say, you can probably manage both ways, and probably each of the choices will be tough in different ways....
But, in case this is a major worry for you, I moved with my DD when she was two months old form the other side of the atlantic with 2 cats and a dog. I won't say was a piece of cake, but was really not that bad. and most important dd din't have any idea what was going on. So don't worry about moving with a new baby if that is what you want to do!

hayleylou Mon 07-Feb-05 10:03:47

I am like you I am living away from home. I have been in Germnay with my husband, ds and dd. I had just found out I was pregnany with dd when we moved. I now relised how much support I had with my first and now I have had my dd I feel really homesick and miss the support of friends and family... I would give anything to go back. ds is 2.2 and dd is 7 months.
I think it depneds on different people I have alwasy been around family and I am a real mumm's girl. All I can say is go with your heart!
I am going back to UK in two weeks for 10 days and I cannot wait!

orangina Mon 07-Feb-05 15:08:54

Hi Faraway, I haven't got any experience of what you are going through, but I have had a number of friends are have been in similar positions as you. Many of them have come back to the UK at 36 weeks (last time they can fly), to give birth here, and have stayed on for a couple of months after before returning. Their dh has generally joined them in the UK around about the time they were due to deliver, and stayed a month. Alternatively, other friends have decided to have continuity of care and advice and deliver in their country of residence; I guess you have to go with whatever you are most comfortable with. Maybe there is an expatriate community in Java that might be able to provide you with advice and support? Really good luck with all the decisions you have ahead of you, and hope you feel comfortable with whatever road you choose to go down!

MrsEvs Mon 07-Feb-05 15:31:46

I had a simliar experience. DH and I had just moved to the US when I found out I was pregnant with my dd. No family around us and I didn't even have any friends as we had just got there. It was difficult and I lost count of the times I wished my Mum was there. She did come out to visit while I was pregnant, as did my dh's parents and my folks came out for the birth. Will anyone be able to come out and visit you if you decide to stay there? That thought really kept me going when I felt sad

I agree with the others that you should thoroughly research the pre-natal care and delivery options - I think the fact that I knew the level of care here was really high (although different from the UK - no gas and air ), helped with some of my worries. If you don't feel confident about the level of care maybe think about coming home, otherwise with the support of your dh and hopefully some visitors, you'll be fine.

First pregnancy isn't an easy time for anyone, let alone when you are far from home, so don't feel bad about being upset about it - let yourself have a moan about it from time to time, it's perfectly natural. If I found myself dwelling on it too much though I would just think about how lucky I was to be expecting when there are lots of people out there who would kill to be in my shoes far from home or not, and how lucky I was to have such a supportive dh.

I do feel for you, it's not easy - but the result is so worth it, wherever she/he is born . Please feel free to CAT me if you want to talk about this further - I do know exactly how you feel.

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