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Would you be annoyed..?

(15 Posts)
Tinkerisdead Fri 18-Jul-08 12:19:19

I could post this in AIBU but i think im looking for the opinion of fellow preg women specifically. In Sept my DH is going on a golfing holiday, it was booked before we got married or conceived PFB.

It was never an issue for me as it was lads holiday, golfing for a week in Spain. Now im pregnant and Ive changed my mind. I know I may be unreasonable but when he goes for 8 days, I will be around 30 weeks pregnant. I know this isn't close to my due date, if it was I think I wouldnt be wavering as much.

Now everytime I think of it, i'm petrified. I'm scared the baby will come early, that he wouldnt be there to see it or support me or worse if something really bad happened and he wasnt with me. I then worry what if something happened to him in Spain and he couldnt get home when predicted. I know this is all irrational crap and Ive read to many magazines and watched too much "baies at risk". but im genuinely worried. I also resent the money being spent on him when we have a baby coming but thats not as forefront in my mind.

I cant go on the holiday with him and i dont want to go an stay with my mum as she is 60 miles away and i'd prefer to be here near my independant midwife if anything should happen. Some of my preg friends have said they wouldnt like it, others have said at 7 months pregnant they would have loved the space and time alone.

Am i being an unreasonable cow to not like him going? I wouldnt stop him by the way, i just feel quite sulky about the whole thing..

lulumama Fri 18-Jul-08 12:21:59

i would relish the time alone to be honest. DH went to las vegas when i was pregnant with my first, it was lovely to loll around and do nothing for a few days.

at 30 weeks, the odds of you going into labour are veyr , very small.

is the moeny a real issue? i.e if he goes , you won't be able to afford things for the baby?

why not book yourself a spa day , lots of them to special pregnancy treatments

enjoy some peace and quiet

Twinkie1 Fri 18-Jul-08 12:23:11

Yes YABVU - you will not be close to your due date and the man probably needs a break - I had a week away from DH when I was pregnant and it was bliss - you can lie in bed all day watching DVDs and eating chocolate and not washing or doing housework - trust me by 30 weeks it will seem like a mini holiday for you too.

As as a nice thing you could get hi to send you to a spa for a couple of days when he gets back!

maretta Fri 18-Jul-08 12:24:43

Honestly, unless you have had complications you are very unlikely to go into labour at 30 weeks.
You'll need the support of your dh after the baby is born and I think it's good for him to have a final chance to let his hair down.
Will you be working or looking fater other children.
Do you have friends who'd have you round for dinner etc.

TheProvincialLady Fri 18-Jul-08 12:27:02

I think you are being a bit daft TBH - it is very, very unlikely that your baby will come at 30 weeks and you can't stop normal life for the next 2 months. If your baby did come early then your DH could come home - Spain is not a million miles away.

Tinkerisdead Fri 18-Jul-08 12:27:13

thank you grin i think i know im being unreasonable, I know its my hormones as i was never bothered before being pregnant.

Lulu thats whats stupid, the money isnt an issue and he works hard so i can stay at home so he def deserves the break. i think its more that i moved here to a new area when i married him and now i feel a bit stranded if he goes off for a week.

im being a complete knob head i know i am. And there is a champneys spa in the next town so i could go there... you're all right. im being a div, thanks for giving me the slap i needed.

Heartmum2Jamie Fri 18-Jul-08 12:54:22

Hugs hon! You know I am in a similar boat, except I don't know when the trip would be and heck, he might not even win it, lol! I know that I too am being unreasonable not wanting him to win it so he can't go, but hey, that's my pregnant perogative and I won't let other people tell me I am being stupid or selfish for feeling this way. At the end of the day, I am a full time stay at home, home educating mama and work damn hard too, not that dh see's it that way (that's a whole other vent, lol!). I don't get offers of going away on my own for a few days, or even a few hours, don't get given a sum of money and told to go and treat myself because I work hard. I see the time after my dh gets home from work as my time to hand over the reins a little, so I can relax a little and feel that although I am still "on call" it isn't the same as being the only parent around during the day. Does that make me selfish, yes probably (especially as I realise that single parents have no choice), do I care that I am being selfish? NOPE!

Alas, after asking dh yesterday why they don't give them the opportunity to take a cash alternative, he reckons they don't offer it, but I may do a little digging and see if that is indeed the truth as WE could use the money more than HE could use a 3 day holiday and it must be cheaper for the company to offer up a cash alternative.

Perhaps I would feel different if I didn't already have 2 children? Who knows! I don't blame you for feeling the way you do, even if we know it's wrong.

springerspaniel Fri 18-Jul-08 13:23:23

You will definitely appreciate the time alone.

You will also appreciate the guilty, loving, attentive husband before and afterwards too!

Having said that, if you already had a child, I would say it was 100% different as you will be knackered by then.

HappyNewMum2Be Fri 18-Jul-08 13:47:43

My dh has just come back from Spain for 5 days, and I am just a bit further on that you will be in September. At first I was fuming that he booked it - he only did so in April, after the last sojurn out there (fishing not golf though).

Anyhow, I have had a week of bliss. Missed him terribly though and really looked forward to him coming home and his texts etc. I have managed to get allsorts done that I just wouldn't attempt when he is around (PITA when it comes to housework and usually tries to stop me from doing it and spend time with him - gotta love him grin ).

I had allsorts of panic attacks when he booked it and sulked for quite a few days, but now I am actually glad he went. It gave me some me time.

My dad has just been slapped though for suggesting that dh joins him and friends in September (due that month) for 10 days away. I have told him that he will be completely disowned if there is any inkling of an invite. Normally I would wave him off happily and book somewhere hot, but a bit different this time round grin.

Why don't you book something yourself - Champneys sounds great!! Wish I could join you!!

reban Fri 18-Jul-08 13:50:42

As you are in a new area have you got a close friend/sibling etc who could come and stay with you for a few days. It would be nice to catch up if you have not seen them for a while

Tinkerisdead Sun 20-Jul-08 16:18:57

happynewmum2be, thats really helped me see the wood for the trees thank you. nice to hear of someone who has felt the same and then come out the other side.

reban, no-one to come and stay except my mum and im saving that hell pleasure for after the birth!

reban Sun 20-Jul-08 16:31:57

yes mums can be a mixed blessing although in my experience no matter how annoying they are they really are a godsend after the birth!

ProfessorGrammaticus Sun 20-Jul-08 16:42:10

enjoy the peace!

madmouse Sun 20-Jul-08 17:28:57

I so know how you feel. i had this urge to nest and it also involved dh staying in that nest, it made me feel safe, like having the drawbridge up. And he only left for one night and was 1.5 hours drive away....

bikerunski Sun 20-Jul-08 19:17:16

There was a similar thread a few weeks ago about a DH going on a lad's holiday to France 2 weeks before his PFB's EDD.

Our PFB is due middle of September. I've told DH he can do whatever he wants until I go on Mat leave on Aug Bank Hol. (He does a lot of travelling for work). SO he has been watching the cricket at Headingley all day!

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