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Pregnant and told by Midwife to lose weight

(23 Posts)
Mand81979 Wed 16-Jul-08 22:55:58

Hi,

I am hoping I will reach someone who has been where I am now. This is my second child and I have dreaded going to the doctors. When pregnant with my first child a member of staff at the hospital that was doing my first scan made me feel very inadeqate. When I asked if my baby was growing ok she said that there was too much of mum to see. I was 3 stone over my BMI. This time I haven't lost my last childs baby weight so I am am now 5 stone over my BMI but I don't smoke or drink and I love my baby. Today my fears were proved with a visit from my midwife who spent the entire visit telling me to lose weight and to visit every week to get weighed. I now deeply regret falling pregnant and I am dreading the next 7 months.

They make me feel terrible I lose all my self worth yet I find it impossible to be rude and tell them this. I don't want to see anyone medical unless entirely necessary. When I had my son I was in and out of hospital. NO DRUGS, NO C SECTION and my BABY was perfect healthy and normal weight & I breastfed. I am a good mum at least so I thought why are they doing this to me? What are these risks? Why do I just feel victamised? I just wish I wasn't pregnant. I have to go I can't see the keys on the keyboard for the tears that just won't stop flowing. Please contact me if you have or feel like I do now.

kitkat9 Wed 16-Jul-08 23:14:07

Hello,

I didn't want this to go unanswered. You poor soul - it sounds like the medical staff are being very insensitive. Please try to ignore them - they're not trying to be hurtful, and the most important thing is that you are pregnant, and that's lovely.

I hae no advice re losing weight, perhaps do a search around online and see what you can come up with? Try to eat really healthily and don't use the old 'eating for two' excuse! (Please note hat I am not followig my own advice on this!)

Concentrate on having a healthy pregnancy, and don't worry about anything else.

VeniVidiVickiQV Wed 16-Jul-08 23:17:47

Seems that they are concerned for your and your babies safety.

There are more risks of complications and health risks in pg when you are overweight. I know this - I was overweight with DS.

Perhaps they could be a bit more sensitive about how they convey it to you though smile

Cashncarry Wed 16-Jul-08 23:26:47

Hi M and congrats! I know how this feels as I was in a similar position with my DD's pregnancy - I had a lot of scathing remarks from the scanographer and the first one even pointed out the layer of blubber on the scan picture blush - bit of a cheek considering she was about twice the size of me but hey ho!

This time round I am once again overweight (about the same as you) which was not my ideal but then this pregnancy was entirely unexpected. I'm tackling things differently though and being a bit more proactive from the word go - I asked my mwife about tips on eating healthily and keeping my blood sugar down and staying active and I really am trying to stick to them. I've also chosen a different hospital and when I had my 20 wk scan I made sure to tell them what a crappy experience I had last time so they were much more gentle and sensitive.

If you're unhappy with your midwife, maybe make an appt with your GP and bring up the weight issue - don't be afraid to tackle it - as VVVQ says it IS something we need to think about. Next time your midwife brings it up, ask her for some more constructive advice and tell her how crap it makes you feel when she makes comments like that. You don't have to say it in an accusatory way but just in a way that gets across how you feel so that hopefully they'll be more sensitive and you feel more "empowered".

Hope you feel better soon and don't wish you weren't pregnant - it's only nine months and we can get on the treadmill when we've got that gorgeous babies in our arms smile

morocco Wed 16-Jul-08 23:28:31

oh, what a shame you are so upset. don't let this spoil all the joy and excitement of planning for a new baby. yes, there are increased risks to your health and baby's, but that doesn't mean it is all doom and gloom.

did the mw offer practical help and advice as well as informing of the risks? do you think the mw was insensitive in the way she informed you of those risks? what would have been a better way for her to let you know of the risks to your and you baby's health? is it possible for you to open up to her or another health professional about how this is making you feel and see if there is a way you can work together to ensure a fab pregnancy?

Puddingirl Thu 17-Jul-08 08:28:22

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unclefluffy Thu 17-Jul-08 08:54:05

Congratulations! My BMI is 32 (i.e. I am clinically obese) according to my maternity notes, and no-one has said anything to me about my weight. There is a note on my 20 week scan paperwork which says that the view was limited by the patient's BMI, but the sonographer was great and she managed to see all the important bits of the baby. She never mentioned my BMI at all, and I would never have thought about it had it not appeared in my notes. To be honest, I thought the hospital was just engaging in a little arse-covering and thought no more about it. It sounds as though you had contact with unnecessarily rude and intrusive medical professionals the first time around. I'm sure it doesn't have to be this way. Can you change midwife?

CantSleepWontSleep Thu 17-Jul-08 08:56:41

Congratulations on your pregnancy Mand.

Being significantly overweight does carry extra risks in pregnancy, but it sounds like this wasn't put across to you very sensitively.

I have been overweight in each of my pregnancies. When I was expecting dd I followed Slimming World (safe whilst pregnant, whereas most diets aren't) and by a week after giving birth was back to my pre-pregnancy weight. This time I have developed gestational diabetes, and at 29 weeks have not gained any weight, as I'm trying to control it through diet rather than have insulin injections. You should be sent for a glucose tolerance test automatically because of your weight, so do see medical people to check for this, as the risks to the baby are quite significant if it goes undetected. Other than that, you don't need lots of medical appointments, so put on your best brave face before you go to them, and try to think of what you will say if they mention your weight before you go in. Obviously it would be great if you were doing something to tackle it.

Oh, and as someone else mentions, your scan pics aren't likely to be as clear as a thin person's, but they should still be able to see all that they need to.

Happy pregnancy!

There is a lot of recent research about the risks of obesity in pregnancy and its very much the "topic of the moment" in midwifery. A bit like smoking cessation was years ago.

Many trusts are now starting to employ obesity specalist midwives and running special clinics aimed at helping women to not put on too much weight in their pregnancy and change their eating habits. The research shows that these clinics are very effective with women who use them only putting on a few pounds during their pregnancy. So often when the baby is born they are lighter than when they became pregnant. I suppose the cynic in me would say the reason why the government/NHS are pushing this so much at the minute is because the extra complications that can arise cost so much money.

Only in the last couple of months do we now at work (I'm a m/w) now have to officially bring up the subject of a woman's weight if she's obese and refer her to the specialist midwife. I haven't had to do this yet but am dreading it. Even though I hope I would be as sensitive as possible its always going to be a touchy area and I can imagine its going to be very easy to upset women. Not what I want to do at all.

I'm sorry that you've been upset - try not to take it personally. If they offer you support and help with targets/healthy eating, etc then make the most of it. I hope you enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.

dinkystinky Thu 17-Jul-08 09:08:35

Congratulations on your pregnancy M - please dont let the midwives insensitive remarks take the shine off your pregnancy! As the other posts have said, being overweight is a matter of concern as it may lead to complications and so it is important to ensure you keep an eye on what you're eating to ensure you eat sensibly, get a nice balanced diet and make sure you stay fit and active. Am sure you'll probably stay fairly active running around after DC1! Please do speak to your GP about a sensible eating plan for pregnancy and how to minimise the risks caused by being overweight - and try to enjoy the next 7 months... it will alll be worth it when you have your little bundle of joy in your arms.

LeonieD Thu 17-Jul-08 16:38:35

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pwcbird Thu 17-Jul-08 17:13:09

Hi mand I am too overweight. As stripeyKnickers said there does seem to be an increase in interest by the midwives. I had my DS 2 years ago, was overweight then and no-one even mentioned it. This time, still overweight, at my 12 week scan they were very nice but pushed on my stomach very hard and did write that the view was 'restricted' but managed to see it all fine and didn't make any comments to me. At my 16 week midwife visit practically the first thing she said was that I was to go and have a gestational diabetes test (not til 28 weeks though) and apart from that just said to eat healthily. I have my 20 week scan in just over a weeks time and am anxious about it but keep telling myself that I am who I am and there is no need to be treated less well. If someone says something unkind I shall say so. It is hard though and I hate this feeling that we get at times. Don't let it spoil your pregnancy and read puddinggirls thread - it's very supportive.

Minniethemoocher Fri 18-Jul-08 15:03:02

I am overweight, BMI 28, and "ancient" according to the midwife at 44!! angry but so far, so good, blood pressure fine, no sign of diabetes, walking 2 miles a day minimum and now 6 months pregnant.

Don't let insensitive medics spoil your special time of being pregnant.

Minnie

violetsmile Sun 20-Jul-08 13:39:57

Please don't let them make you feel inadequate. Being 5 stone over weight does NOT make you an unfit mother. Sounds like you are doing everything right and your previous pregnancy is testiment to that.

I wouldn't worry at all if you coped well with pregnancy last time and you are healthy this time i don't see why they would make you feel so bad.

Sorry they have made you feel so crap but please don't doubt yourself as a mother and noone has the right to make you regret becomming pregnant. Tell them that you are fine, your child id healthy and leave it at that. Hugs!!!!

BexieID Sun 20-Jul-08 13:56:38

I'm sure my BMI was 45 with Tom blush. I wasn't made to feel bad. I had to have a blood sugar test as they were worried I might have gestational diabetes, but I was fine. I also had a growth scan at 34 weeks. Tom was 6 days late and weighed 9lb 2oz.

I haven't shed any weight, just put it on, so dread to think what they would say now.

babylove123 Sun 20-Jul-08 14:07:14

Hi,

Im 22 weeks pregnant and am pretty overweight (too embaressed to say). My doc and my midwife have commented on it but neither have made too much of a big deal of it. I explained to them that i was on the contraceptive injection for a year and piled on 4 stone! I was doing weight watchers and was using 5 points less than i shld a day and still the weight went on - so much so that i got kicked out! I've never been able to lose that weight, no matter what i tried. I had hyperemesis from week 5 - 16 and literally ate nothing and lost 27lbs, ive put 8lbs back on since then which i feel is ok because they say a lb a week is healthy and considering i went from eating nothing to eating food, it was bound to go back on a little.

Of course all doctors etc have mentioned the risks of being over-weight but touch wood, i've had a healthy pregnancy so far and have a good size, happy baby growing inside. Try your best with eating healthily but dont get at yourself if you have bad days - trust me, you wouldnt be human if you didnt have 4 pieces of toast instead of 2 sometimes!!!!

Good luck

becaroo Tue 22-Jul-08 13:14:37

I think it very unwise for any woman to diet during pregnancy...no matter how obese.

You say you had no problems with your last pregnancy and birth, so chances are it will be OK this time too.

Perhaps you could read up on some of the complications for obese pregnant women in case you get any symptoms? (although that would just make me convinced I had them all!grin)

Good luck.

elkiedee Wed 23-Jul-08 01:11:54

I looked at the NHS's own website and it says that the method of calculating BMI isn't appropriate for pregnant and breastfeeding women. I was quite put out by that aspect of my first midwife's appt this time as my BMI had gone from 29.2 last time to 31 this time, and I've been booked in for a glucose tolerance test. First time round I only put on 4 lb between 12 and 40 weeks and this time I've actually lost 2 lb between 10 and 12 weeks. I was very hungry early on and ate more than usual, but I suffer from nausea (from 10-40 weeks in 1st pregnancy) and only want small amounts of food at a time.

Weight to height ratio seems to me very crude when dealing with people of very different builds - one of my health visitors when ds was a few months old said she didn't think I was at all overweight when I expressed concern, and I don't think my BMI was ever below 27 (I sadly wasn't breastfeeding by that time).

MrsJohnCusack Wed 23-Jul-08 01:34:42

[http://www.plus-size-pregnancy.org/firstindex.html this]] site is AMerican but it seems pretty useful - have seen it linked to from here before

congratulations on you pregnancy smile

MrsJohnCusack Wed 23-Jul-08 01:55:40

this even

TheHedgeWitch Thu 24-Jul-08 11:43:18

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jamescagney Thu 24-Jul-08 11:49:53

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PussinJimmyChoos Thu 24-Jul-08 11:52:34

I put on 4st with DS - went from a curvy 10st to 14st...now he's two I'm down to 12.5st but have been on Citalopram ADs for the last two years for PND and I think they have affected my weight. I'm coming off them slowly and I think I'm starting to shrink down but the fact of it is that I'm still 12.5st and only 5ft 2" and want to start TTC no 2...am worried my weight will be an issue to conceiving and also terrified of putting on another 4st again...I was constantly hungry when pg with DS to the point where I got fed up with trotting to the kitchen to eat and if I didn't eat, I felt sick!

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