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Am unexpectedly pregnant again, scared (and sick)

(46 Posts)
Slickbird Sat 12-Jul-08 19:33:37


I'm unxexpectedly pregnant again (No.3), now 6wks + and am already feeling sick and feeling pretty miserable. My last two pregnancies were just awful; bad sickness for 21wks, SPD, IBS, Rib Flare etc etc. Then my labours were equally awful - back to back and long, failed epidurals needing blood patch tests as it had gone right through.... I could go on. But now, I just feel really lost what to do. I can't imagine having an abortion, I absolutely LOVE my two girls to bits and fear I would wonder who the little guy was that I didn't have. There are slight differences so far, I don't have sore breasts this time and while I had a bad day today, at this point wiht the last baby I was already really bad. I just have felt today like I'm not sure I can go through it all again as my little girl is only 10months and the other is 7 years - given that I can barely raise a smile at the moment I don't want to spoil my time with my children now. Does that make sense? Financially it is going to put us under even more strain too.

Sorry this is so long, but if anyone has any advice or been through something similar, I would like to hear from them. I am also on a fixed term contract (Covering someone elses maternity leave) and will prob have to tell my manager next week. HELP!!

nickytwotimes Sat 12-Jul-08 19:38:10

sad slick.
Sorry I can't be of any help other than to convey my sympathies and hope someone more experienced will be along soon.
I had a fairly rough pregnancy with ds and I dread no.2.

Denny185 Sat 12-Jul-08 20:40:23

My DS was only 9 months old when I fell pregnant with DD2, my initial response at getting pregnant was shock then denial for a while. Like u I couldn't imagine going through an abortion so we carried on with the pregnancy. She's 3 months old now and it's like it was meant to be the other 2 adore her, v little jealousy issues, I've been home to potty train DS and amazingly seem to have a bit more time for DD1.
Hope everything turns out as you want it.

Slickbird Sat 12-Jul-08 20:47:08

Nickytwotimes - thanks for your support!

Denny185- Thanks that's good to know. I really think I am still in shock. We didn't plan to have anymore really and never had the time to sort out contraception, and well, husband said it would be fine!!! FOOLS! I don't think I would regret the baby, although I am worried about having them close together.If someone had a crystal ball and said, you won't have such a hard pregnancy at all, I really think I would be ok with it all. Sigh. I feel like such an idiot. I just wish I could psych myself up for it all - because I've been caught on the backfoot, I am still in a daze....

twocutedarlings Sat 12-Jul-08 21:40:03

Slickbird ((((hugs))))

i also found out just last week that im pregnant with baby number 3, like you im still in shock (but slowly getting myead around it smile. I sort of feel that im happy with what ive got if you know what i mean, however i also remember having the same issue when planning DD2.

As regard to age gaps, personally i dont think there is a right age gap to be honest. I have a 2 year age gap between DD1 & DD2 and to be honest i think i would have prefered the gap to have been less, at least that way DD1 would have still needed a daytime nap. The small gap between my 2 was difficult (but fun) to start off with, but it definatly has its advantages now, they entertain each other for hours. DD2 misses DD1 dearly when she is at school.

Slickbird Sat 12-Jul-08 21:47:12

Congratulations to you! How old are you two now then?

I have thought that when this one is born, the two youngest will still be in baby mode, nappies, baby toys etc and all that makes sense as we are in that way of things already. I have also thought that they will hopefully play together, something we missed for our older child who is 7 (thankfully, now since we moved, she has friends nearby to play with all the time) and we really felt for her when we were on holidays and the like. So I guess that's all the plus sides. I really think it's just the pregnancy.

madmouse Sat 12-Jul-08 21:50:44

Just extending my sympathies.

I am sure you will not spoil your time with your children now. These are the worst weeks.

Good luck

pgwithnumber3 Sat 12-Jul-08 21:58:23

Slickbird - are you sure you are not me!

I am too pg with number 3, have DD1, nearly 6 and DD2, 10 months!

A few weeks ago I found out I was 6 weeks pg with number 3 and was DEVASTATED. I went to the GP and asked about a termination.

I too don't have the same symptoms, no sore boobs, no sickness or extreme tiredness but I am putting this down to my body only just recently doing this.

I spend half the day in panic wondering how I am going to deal with 2 under 17 months and get DD1 to school on time BUT we will manage, we have to and although we will have shitty days, it will all be worth it.

Good luck and if you need a friendly ear to chat to, let me know.

Slickbird Sat 12-Jul-08 22:14:12

Thanks Madmouse - I'm tyring to remember that, that it WILL get better and it WILL pass! I just hope the sickness stops before 21weeks this time!

pgwithnumber3 - OMG How spooky is that? Are you able to stay at home to look after them (financially)? I had to find a new job when DD2 was 7months because we weren't entitled to any help really with WFT Credit which is frustrating as they don't take into account that everyone's mortgage has gone through the roof (not to mention everything else). So now we are trying to work out how to earn more so I can stay at home, as we won't able to afford two child care costs. Why is it some people get all the benefits under the sun, and the hard working people in the middle get nowt and struggle to get by? That's maybe another thread....

As to being able to cope with two under 18months, I guess we'll just have to! Also remembering that the older one can help a little. I also try to remind myself how quickly it all goes. Just not while you're pregnant!!!

twocutedarlings Sat 12-Jul-08 22:15:25

My 2 are now 5 & 3.

Totally understand why you dont like pregnancy, i had a difficult pregnancy and labout with DD1.

pgwithnumber3 Sat 12-Jul-08 22:22:28

Yes, I do stay at home but it is hard financially as DH is self-employed and we have been having a hard time recently. I would hate to have to go to work but wouldn't hesitate if there was no choice.

I guess you don't have family who can help at all? Would it not be cheaper to find a good childminder?

It is hard, I often wonder how people managed years ago, I am one of three, my mum didn't work and interest rates were 15%!

What part of the country are you in?

Slickbird Sat 12-Jul-08 22:31:02

Am near Edinburgh, a wee village/hamlet outside, which is just fab. Where are you? We have started growing our own veg - which we will increasingly need! - and my mum does help, but I couldn't ask her to help everyday, it's way too much and we'd probably strangle each other! I think the difference with our parents generation was you only needed one income as the mortgages were based on one income. It's when they changed the criteria for that in the 80's it all went horribly wrong and we are still paying the price. I blame Thatcher myself. For Everything.

gigglewitch Sat 12-Jul-08 22:31:10

My number three was not a complete surprise [playing with fire...or errr the other thing] but can sympathise on the grounds that my first two pgs were atrocious, especially with no2 when I was scanned every two weeks, antiD, anti-everything, told over and over that he wasn't going to make it and by 26 weeks I was on prozac, only got over the stress of it all when he was past a year old. No sooner had i started to feel a bit better than i was pg with no3, oh sht shock
in practice, I had the only "normal" pregnancy, also the easiest delivery, and good friends who pass on whole wardrobes of girls clothes - as the other two are boys [needless to say she wears lots of blue trousersgrin!] money-wise i don't feel that at the moment three is much worse than two, but they are now 7.6, almost 5yo and two and a half. the hideously expensive bit is childcare, but I juggle work hours, grandparents do school pick-ups three days a week and DD is in nursery. It does work out.
You sound really down, try to get yourself some rest and maybe see how DP/DH can support you?
keep posting.

pgwithnumber3 Sat 12-Jul-08 22:34:30

Haha, you sound like my dad - who is a bit of a closet socialist me thinks! Hates Thatcher with vengeance.

Lucky you being near Edinburgh, lovely place.

I am in Southport, Merseyside. The damn Open Championship starts next week, it is going to be crazy here! Won't be able to get a table in my local village cafe for argyle wearing golf enthusiasts!

gigglewitch Sat 12-Jul-08 22:37:05

lol @ pgWN3... get ya tweeds and scary sweaters out then. we're coming to your town on Tues and have said the same grin it will be hideous - unless they'll all stay in Birkdale wink
(we're not far from your way too)

pgwithnumber3 Sat 12-Jul-08 22:39:29

We live in Birkdale! One of the players (albeit not famous but doing quite well in the Scottish Open) is staying next door to us!

Where are you staying?

pgwithnumber3 Sat 12-Jul-08 22:40:31

Just clicked that you are not visiting to watch the golf but coming for other reasons!

Slickbird Sat 12-Jul-08 22:43:08

Hi Gigglewitch, Crikey, you've been through the mill too! (Not that I presumed I was the only one!!) Glad it's working out for you tho, sounds like you had a hard time. I'm not really really down, but I have had one of those bad days when I've wondered if I can do it all, but most of the time I am a pretty positive person. My husband is supportive luckily, and very hands on with the kids, but I do wonder if we will take the strain sometimes, but then I guess everyone has that.

I will take your advice tho and go and get some sleep. Have to drive to my newphew's 3rd birthday party tomorrow and pretend I'm not pregnant and sick.

Night everyone thanks for all your posts, will post soon.

pgwithnumber3 Sat 12-Jul-08 22:45:08

Night slickbird, keep this thread going, it will be a good support thread for us!

dinny Sat 12-Jul-08 22:46:48

Slickbird - congrats, come and join March thread?

Am kind of feeling the same, pg with number 3 and dreading the pregnancy, really, was so sick with ds, then had scary delivery and then he had some health probs. just all too scary

but mainly I just don't think I can give birth again, I just don't have the courage.

just remember they say every pregnancy is different............

I so identify with everything you have said, take care xx

gigglewitch Sat 12-Jul-08 22:46:55

grin will blame your pg mush-for-brain, eh?
We live in St.H and we're coming over to see friends on Tues.
LOL @ you living in Birkdale grin

Actually it must be a pita, but hey, they're all over here spending their dosh so possibly can't complain too much. hmm

gigglewitch Sat 12-Jul-08 22:48:37

slick, good luck for tomorrow, just take it easy. will stick the thread on my watch list and just poke my head in sometimes (being in the not-pg minoritygrin)

pgwithnumber3 Sat 12-Jul-08 22:49:41

My brain is shite at the best of times but when pg, well...

My dad used to be a headteacher in St H, I have close family living there as well, place beginning with E?

gigglewitch Sat 12-Jul-08 22:57:57

that's the one shock
how very dare you grin

come to sunny st h and get away from the scary golfers,eh? wink

gigglewitch Sat 12-Jul-08 22:58:44

meaning that you've discovered my hiding place

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