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Had missed mc, now preg again and scared of having another

(18 Posts)
dan39 Sat 12-Jul-08 15:45:45

Hi - looking for advice on how to cope really...I had a mmc in April (12 week scan no heartbeat) which was horrid due partly to the need for 2 diff surgeries to remove it (as the first was unsuccessful)but also to the fact that it felt like such a betrayal by my body - which thought I was still preg, so I had symptoms still even tho it had died at 8 and half weeks. Now preg again (to surprise and delight it happened immediately!) and had early scan re bleeding, which was ok (had a small haemmorage on uterus, no danger to fetus) and then one at 9 and half weeks, also fine. I am now 10 and half weeks and paranoid it will die again/has already, and I won't know. Its really hard - I have booked a 12 week scan for a week and a half's time, and I know the sensible thing to do is relax and not worry. But its so hard as I FEEL preg...but I did last time too so it doesn't help.

silvermum Sat 12-Jul-08 15:50:06

that sounds absolutely horrible. i have not been through what you have, but am currently 7 weeks pregnant and experiencing some bleeding, so i know exactly what you mean about the uncertainty of it all. i don't know whether this is the start of m/c or not, and won't know what's going on until at least the end of next week. it's very, very hard. no advice really, but you're not alone.

ExtraFancy Sat 12-Jul-08 15:50:46

Hello, this happened to me in 2006 (though it took me about 7 months to get pg again). I found that the best way to cope was to take every day at a time - going to bed at night thinking "I'm one day closer to a baby", and repeating the same thing to myself in the mornings.

I think the statistics are something like a 97% chance of a 'take-home baby' if you've seen a heartbeat at 9 weeks - so things are in your favour! I know how hard it is, but one day at a time helped for me

Oh and congratulations!

goblinvalley Sat 12-Jul-08 15:51:39

Big [[hugs] i know exactly how you feel as i went through the exact same thing, only one surgery mind !

Unfortunately, there is nothing i can say that will allay your fears - it will only go away when you give birth. And that is a whole 'nother story smile

Keep telling yourself that it happened for a reason and is very unlikely to happen again. I wish you a calm and peaceful week until your next scan. Good luck.

whiteorchid Sat 12-Jul-08 18:27:53

Be reassured that lots of us have had mcs and then gone on to have successful pregnancies. I had two mmc, and found it really hard for the first few weeks of the third (and successful) pregnancy, so I know what you're going through. After my second mmc and erpc, the midwife's parting words to me were 'You WILL have a baby'. Of course, she had no way of knowing whether I would or not, but I held on to that thought, and it did help me through the darker moments. I know it's hard to stay positive, but a heartbeat at 9 weeks is really good news, as are pregnancy symptoms, whatever your history. Try and hold on to those positives, if you can.

whiteorchid Sat 12-Jul-08 18:36:31

Meant to add, you might like to join the 'Pregnancy After Miscarriage' thread. I'm sure you'll get lots of support:

Take care.

LackaDAISYcal Sat 12-Jul-08 18:45:45

hi dan39. So sorry to hear about your earlier miscarriage sad, and congratutions on your pregnancy smile. I've never had a missed mc, but have had two mcs in the past and know how fraught these early weeks can be.

I agree with whiteorchid that trying to stay positive is half the battle. We have a wee mantra on the pregnancy after miscarriage support thread, that goes "healthy and well, healthy and well". Sounds inane, but it can help.

Come over and say hi on that thread. There is lots of support and understanding as well as hand holding the usual stressing and worrying and venting, but we help each other through it smile

and agree that a heartbeat at 9 weeks means statistically the risk of mc now is very very small indeed. Take care, try not to worry and hopefully we'll see you over on knicker checkers anonymous.

gegs73 Sat 12-Jul-08 18:53:24

Hi - sorry to hear what happened to you. I had a missed miscarriage which was also picked up at my 12 week scan before I had DS1, and since then had two problem free pregnancies and have two strong and healthy sons smile

I can only add to what other people have said and just take one day at a time. It is brilliant that you had an early scan and good that you are having the 12 week one too. After the 12 week scan with DS1 I felt alot more positive. All the best.

dan39 Sat 12-Jul-08 22:56:19

Thanks everyone!! I went shopping after posting and tried on a few tops in House of Frazer. I looked at my odd shaped belly in the mirror and tried to hold it in, instead of going away it just moved in a bit, it made me think 'hang on a minute, I thnk there is something in there...' One of the hardest things about now (because of last time)is the symptoms carrying on regardless, but it does feel diff from last time in the big odd belly area. So I feel a bit better - and even more so seeing all of your lovely support! This is a lovely site and I don't know where I would be witout it!
Thank you all, x

MiniMarmite Wed 16-Jul-08 11:51:15

Hi Dan39

Sorry to hear about your missed miscarriage, glad to hear you are feeling more positive and, congratulations smile.

I wanted to add to your thread as I had a silent miscarriage about this time last year and remember how awful I felt and how difficult it has been to believe that my current pregnancy will continue. I hope I can give you some hope as I am now 35 weeks pregnant.

I can only echo what others have said - that there is an extremely high chance of you having a successful pregnancy this time and that it is important to take one day at a time.

Even now I can't quite believe it is real for me and for me it has been important to accept that I am going to feel nervous at certain stages of my pregnancy (I found scans the worst thing as everyone expected to me to look forward to them but I just thought that I would find out that my baby was dead again). It's also important to remember that everyone feels nervous at times, even without experiencing mc or silent mc, so you are perfectly normal.

Try to have fun, do what you enjoy, talk to others you trust about your fears when you feel you are not coping...before you know it you'll be a Mum.

Good luck

Yorky Wed 16-Jul-08 12:35:37

Dan39, good luck, and don't expect to be rational about these things for a while! I have never had any problems in pregnancy (PG with #2 atm) but was so scared at my 12 week scan as my best friends sister had had an mmc a couple of months earlier, even feeling sick didn't reassure me.
I'm glad you have had some reassuring early scan but accept that statistics aren't very comforting, even when they say what you want to hear.
I hope everything goes well for you

TheUnsinkableMB Wed 16-Jul-08 12:51:48

Hi Dan39,

Just wanted to say you're not alone, and do remember that lots of women have mmc and go on to have healthy happy babies...speaking from experience.

I had a mmc, went for 12 week scan to be told baby hadn't progressed past 8 weeks, due to molar pregnancy, but a year later I got pregnant again and went on to have lovely healthy dd!

It is hard, because you worry every day (I know I did) but the way I saw it was, everyday she stayed in there was a little miracle
I also found buying one of them Summer Prenatal Listening System things helped, so I could listen to her heartbeat, kind of put my mind at ease.

Just remember, there's no reason why this pregnancy can't be fine.

Oh and congratulations!

LittleSquirt Wed 16-Jul-08 16:46:07

Hi Dan39

I also had a MMC discovered at en early scan in July 07 and a year later I am now nearly 14 weeks pregnant and all is going well so far.

I've had 3 scans already in this pregnancy (7 weeks, 9 weeks then nuchal at 12 weeks) as I have been so scared though. Now I have a doppler at home and I listen to the baby's heartbeat when I feel a bit worried (did it again last night).

The days and the weeks between now and the moment when you will hold your baby in your arms seem to stretch ahead of you forever at the moment but you will get there, I promise.

As goblinvalley already said earlier in this thread, what happened last time was a one-off issue and it is highly unlikely to happen again, especially as you have now had a succesful scan at 9 weeks.

My thoughts are with you but I'm sure you will be totally fine this time.

Wishing you a very uneventful pregnancy and sending you loads of hugs. x

minouminou Wed 16-Jul-08 17:08:57

Just think, you're nearly at that magical 12 week mark, when you'll see your baby on the scan and you'll be just fine.
one day at a time

spicemonster Wed 16-Jul-08 17:22:41

I kept saying to myself that every good scan meant that I'd passed another milestone. The fact that you had two early good scans is a really, really positive sign. You know that it's not going to happen again like it did last time because it's already gone past that date.

Day at a time First trimester is utterly grim after a mmc but it does get better after that, promise

dan39 Thu 17-Jul-08 18:05:25

Thanks all! I am still a bit of a basket case leading up to the scan, which is next wed. I am dreading it, cos as you say Minimarmite, I am expecting them to tell me its dead again. I can't imagine a time when I won't think this though - DH says I will worry for the next 40 years!! Littlesuirt, great to hear you are at 14 and fine...I am not helped by fact that a close friend had 12 week scan this week and had had mmc at 7 weeks...poor love.She has DS1. Consequently, (who am I kidding, I would have been anyway...?!)I am really anxious about wed/scan day, but am also reassured in a way as my tummy seems to have grown and I don't remember it being quite so noticeable last time. Feel diff from last time. Bit obsessed with fact that boobs were sore briefly but completely normal now - and of course from that surmising that not really preg. (Told you I was a basket case)....Also, you are all right that the 9 wk scan is a very positive sign...but still, I can't shake the feeling that it will happen again. I can't trust my body at the moment...Hearing from the rest of you does help,enormously, though!I should try to be positive I know. And I will try, I promise!

Yorky Fri 18-Jul-08 10:21:48

Dan39, you will be a basket case until you hold your baby, even when you have a 20wk scan something will worry you, is it moving too much or not enough, are you doing something wrong, I am 21wks into 2nd pg now, having had no problems last time and I am still paranoid. DH says to tell you being irrational means your hormones are doing something right!
And of course your friend going through the same thing as you went through is bringing it all back to you, what rotten luck and timing
Good luck for Wednesday

Pancho Fri 18-Jul-08 13:54:51

I am 29 weeks pregnant following a MMC last year, I too found it very hard indeed to stay sane up to the 12 week scan and even more difficult between about 12 and 18 weeks when my morning sickness suddenly went and yet I still didn't have much of a bump. Felt overwhelmed that pregnancy was 'gone' again, but so far so good - just kept trying to tell myself that the baby was safe and once you get to 18 or so weeks and you can feel it moving it is a wonderful reassurance!

Also I may be mad but feel that I am less frightened of the birth now, whatever it takes to get this baby can't hurt as much as getting over the loss last time around.

Will be thinking of you next wednesday x

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