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Pregnancy after miscarriage - Advice please

(12 Posts)
footstep Tue 01-Feb-05 16:20:22

I had a missed m/c with my first pregnancy last July. I was 11 weeks, but the baby measured 8 weeks.

I’m now preg again and terrified. I know the chances are that it was just ‘one of those things’ but because I didn’t have any idea last time until the scan, I don’t feel that 'no news is good news'. Last time I had no pain or bleeding and my symptoms stayed until the day after the d&c

I went to my GP last week, who said that he’d refer me to the early pregnancy assesment unit for a scan at 7 weeks . The problem is that this might take most of the day (can’t make an appointment – needs to be a same day referral) and dh starts a new job that week so wouldn’t be able to come with me, and I can’t face the idea of getting bad news on my own. Should I leave it until the following week so he can come with me? Or I could book a private scan that week after work, so he could come with me?

Am I worrying too much? Has anyone got advice on how to stay calm through the first few weeks of a post-m/c pregnancy?

Thanks

footstep
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mishi1977 Tue 01-Feb-05 16:34:45

aw hun
im sorry u r feeling so worried but it is completely normal. prior to having DS i had 2 natural mcs then at christmas have just had a missed mc...the point of post is that because of ur mc last july doesnt mean this one is going to be the same...i have a 15mth old hyper toddler to prove that...i know it is ur dhs first week but is it possible for him to explain his need for a day off as am sure his work would be symathetic...if not then personally i would wait only so that u do have support or is there a good friend who could go with u..bearing in mind will be an internal scan
probably not helped much but good luck and wishing u a safe pregnancy

NotQuiteCockney Tue 01-Feb-05 16:37:12

It's really hard waiting. I've had a miscarriage, good pregnancy, miscarriage, another good pregnancy.

That being said, they don't always see anything at seven weeks (and as mishi says, it's an internal scan, which isn't that nice), so waiting another week might not hurt.

It's a pity you canot have an appointment with the EPAU - could he make you an appointment at a different EPAU?

fisil Tue 01-Feb-05 16:48:53

footstep, I had a healthy pg & baby, then got pg a year later. I had a bit of early bleeding and so went for a 7 week scan. DP had a meeting he couldn't get out of and so I went on my own. At the scan they diagnosed a missed miscarriage. I drove straight to his office, but they couldn't track him down, so I sat in the car near his office crying my eyes out. He got to a break in his meeting (which was up in Whitehall) and listened to my mobile message. He just walked back in the meeting room, picked up his bag and walked out. We finally managed to meet up 3/4 hour later. That was a dreadful 2 hours for me. But I think it was worse for him. He now considers nothing to be more important, nothing that he can't get out of. I think it really upset him that he wasn't able to be there with me to hear such terrible news. I know it is slightly different as your DH is starting a new job, so the situation was slightly different, but DP has also discovered (shock horror) that it is actually possible to be upfront with your boss/colleagues about what is going on and that people understand. Sorry to be so negative, but I also agree with what has been said that the waiting is so difficult - I am now pg again and have suffered from high levels of anxiety throughout. You might feel OK now, but the waiting is hard.

Big hugs ((((()))))

Azure Tue 01-Feb-05 17:35:50

Footstep, I have had two m/c (after a successful pregnancy with DS) and am 10 weeks pregnant now. I fully understand the worry - it's only natural. My GP was not able to refer me to the EPU for this pregnancy as I didn't have bleeding and so I had a private scan at 7.5 weeks. The scan was rather quick, but it was possible to see the little bean and a heartbeat. The scan obviously gave me reassurance at that stage but, to be honest, I am just as nervous now as I wait for my 12 week scan (probably 13 weeks by the time the NHS get round to it). I would suggest having either a private scan or waiting until the following week so your DH can go with you more easily. Best of luck.

berolina Tue 01-Feb-05 18:38:00

Footstep, congratulations on your pregnancy

I had a m/c last July too, an early one at about 5 weeks. It was my first pg too. I'm now 23 weeks again. I'm afraid I've no real pearls of wisdom about how to cope, because I have not been coping well and TBH still am not. However, I don't want to discourage you, just to let you know that I know how awful the worry after m/c is. In this situation there isn't really such a thing as worrying 'too much' - you worry the amount you worry, and the most important thing is ensuring you have a support network around you. Try and put it off to 8 weeks if you can, so your dh can be with you.
The worry is really down to the fact that we just don't and can't know what is going to happen - it's awful - like you, my main first reaction to getting that new positive test was terror. In fact, I spent a couple of days wishing we hadn't ttc again . As I still don't feel much better - my worry about m/c was replaced by new ones, generally involving horrible diseases and stillbirth, and my current thing is being terrified about slapped cheek because I have to visit a school tomorrow - I don't know if I can really help you on that score. I can just advise you to keep busy, go easy on yourself and make sure you get the support you need.
I wish you all the very very best for this pg and am looking forward to positive news of your early scan .

footstep Wed 02-Feb-05 12:25:55

Thanks everybody.

Sorry to hear about your m/c's. I don't think I realised before mine how devestating they are. Fisil - your experience sounds just terrible. I'm definately not going to go for a scan without dh.

Berolina - I hope the school visit goes OK today. I'm sure I've read that slapped cheek isn't too risky - I'll see if I can find a reassuring reference for you.

I'm feeling strangely calm and optimistic at the moment. I'm not sure whether I'll go for an early scan at all. I think I'm going to find each scan very stressful and the reassurance (hopefully) provided might not last long, so perhaps I'd be better off not having extra scans. Or is that just burying my head in the sand?

Azure - are you glad you had an early scan this time? Would you recommend it?

Thanks again everybody

footstep
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Bella23 Wed 02-Feb-05 12:51:43

Footstep

Sorry you are having such stress at the moment.
I had a missed m/c a few weeks ago and am now back to TTC again. Hopefully when I get pregnant again I plan to make sure I get an early scan. I think the reasurance is needed as to have to wait until 12 weeks is just too long.
If I was you I would wait until the week after and go with DH. Good Luck and let us know how you get on

footstep Wed 02-Feb-05 19:21:01

Thanks Bella

Sorry to hear about your m/c. Good luck with ttc!

footstep
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shhhh Thu 03-Feb-05 22:03:09

Hi, though I would give you some encouragement. DH & I experienced x2 miscarriages in 2002 & 2003. Both were quite early on and our experiences of the scans at this time were not good, so much so my main fear was of future scans. To our relief we fell pregnant in Aug 2004 and we are currently 26 wk +6. Our concerns were exactly the same as yours and everyone else who has experienced a m/c and we decided to have our first scans privatly. We paid for our 6 & 8 week scans privatly and our consultant rushed us through on the NHS (We are now under her care on the NHS) and we have been scanned (on the NHS)at 10,12,14,16,18 & 21 weeks. We recommend 100% going private and in our case it allowed us to be given peace of mind and also the opportunity to see our little one at such a vunerable and amazing stage, WELL WORTH ANY MONEY !!!!. We still have concerns over baby and it's mad how my mind works sometimes but I understand that my concerns are exactly the same as someone who hasn't experienced a m/c.
I would advise you to take dh with you to any scan/s you attend, although I am very lucky to have a dh who doesn't think twice when it comes to baby appointments .
At the end of the day we found it helped us to get through the first trimester by seeing our little baby. We are now excited about seeing our baby at the 4d scan.!!!
Good luck

Beatie Sat 05-Feb-05 11:09:31

Hi - I am sorry to hear that you experienced a missed miscarriage.

I had two miscarriages last year at 8 and 11 weeks. They both started with bleeding and my GP reffered me immediately to the EPU at the local hospital. The first time I went on my own as we had no-one to look after my dd and it was horrible. Everyone else was there with friends, mothers and partners. The second time DH came with me.

The EPU did not allocate appointment times until you arrived at their reception and then they operated a first come first served basis. Both times I got there 20 minutes early and both times I was the first to be seen. DH was back at work by 10am.

Might this be a similar situation at your EPU? Could you be the first ones there?

I am pregnant again and my GP would not refer me to the EPU since I associated it with miscarriages. Instead she reffered me to the general ultrasound department at the hospital. They will make a proper appointment time for you. Is that an option for you?

I am sorry that you are torn with this dilemma. If you can afford a private scan then I'd say by all means go with that.

I am wishing the best possible outcome for you. BTW - I had my scan at 7w+3d and the baby measured 7w+5d and I saw the heartbeating before it was pointed out. It's a beautiful sight and one I am sure you will see too.

footstep Sat 05-Feb-05 15:35:11

Hi Shhh and Beatie

Thanks so much for your messages. Really sorry to hear about your experiences.

I'm feeling surprisingly positive and un-anxious at the moment. Maybe because I feel so tired and queasy that I'm reassured that everything's OK. In a way - i really hope I carry on feeling ill.

We haven't made a decision about the scan yet - i think we'll wait and see how we feel in a week or two.

Thanks again for all your support

footstep

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