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Seroius question re gender

(19 Posts)
jollymum Sun 02-Jan-05 22:28:04

I have been adding to topics re deep longings for another child, can't link them but these are serious, not a piss take. Please can anyone first of all tell me the stats re age and disability and also, has anyone discussed trying for a girl? I have posted on other threads about luck, ability to have babies, think yourself grateful for whatever baby you get if any, but, I would really like another one, totally unrealistic feelings {see other thread} but i want a girl [ very ashamed of myself but there it is...

Titania Sun 02-Jan-05 22:31:00

well that makes two of us.........i am desperate for another girl.....

Twiglett Sun 02-Jan-05 22:31:40

Well I for one think you're allowed to want a particular gender .. why shouldn't you be .. as long as you're happy with whatever gender you end up with you are allowed to hanker after a particular gender ..

I really wanted a girl and got DS
Then I really wanted another DS and got DD

You gets what you gets

As for stats re age and disability .. please try not to fixate on them .. they are just statistics .. you get a 1 in something chance .. but most people are the 'something'

happynewessbee Sun 02-Jan-05 22:33:12

Message withdrawn

Gwenick Sun 02-Jan-05 22:33:19

I agree Twiglett - when pg with DS2 I was desperate for a little girl, and even more so when DH seriously hinted that this would be our last.

He came along - and I wouldn't be without him (although I could do without the Terrible two's at 13 months LOL)

Twiglett Sun 02-Jan-05 22:34:28

This is the base line for trisonomy 21 (Down's Syndrome) at nuchal test (around 12 weeks)


even at 44 you have a base statistical chance of being 30 times more likely to have an unaffected baby .. and once the nuchal is done the risk can go down significantly

Twiglett Sun 02-Jan-05 22:36:29

I was 36 when scanned for DD .. so started with a 1 in 165 risk of Trisonomy 21 .. it went up to 1 in 1400 based on the measurements in the nuchal scan

misdee Sun 02-Jan-05 22:36:31

Some disabilities have nothing to do with age tho. mieow has two kids with Cp and she was 18 when she had her ds. And lots of disabilities cant be detected before birth.

Twiglett Sun 02-Jan-05 22:37:09

keep putting an extra syllable in that don't I Trisomy 21 I mean

JanH Sun 02-Jan-05 22:41:30

As far as disability is concerned, jm, would you be prepared to go ahead with a late termination if amnio showed a significant disability?

FWIW, when I had amnio with DS2 (aged 41), I also was desperate for a girl - don't tell him! - but as soon as I heard he was a boy it didn't matter any more.

What does your DH think about having another? (Sorry if you have already posted about this.)

Gwenick Sun 02-Jan-05 22:51:37

oh dear Jan - I think I must have had too much to drink - when I first read your reply I thought you were saying you DS was 41 LOL

JanH Sun 02-Jan-05 22:52:12

It was a very painful delivery, Gwenick

jollymum Sun 02-Jan-05 23:11:26

I posted on another thread about this (Sometimes it still hurts..) and I know that if my child had DS, I would be upset for my other kids, not me because I selfishly wanted that "baby dream" and I lumbered them with a sibling who would need looking after if I went. They would, I know, but if I'm honest, I feel I'm being greedy., I have four kids, not perfect n any way, but they can all go out into the world without me and live.I would only have CVS, which is 11 weeks results, but no further tests because I am anti-termination unless for a major reason. I work with SN kids and love "my chidren" BUT I couldn't cope with that amount of disability day in day out and wouldn't expect my other kids to either. It would be too selfish of me to indulge my baby whim proving detrinmental to my othr 4 kids, I know.Sorry, heavy dtuff, but I m sad for that baby I won't have. Have thought of adopting but have friends who have tried and have ended marriage because of stress it caused even with fostering first and applying for adoption. Am adopted myself so have no worries, but my friends fostered two girls for two years, brought them into the real world and then were told they were too old to adopt and the kids were seperated and have since been to three other homes. No contact allowed because it might"predujice the propsective adoptees?"

jollymum Sun 02-Jan-05 23:12:38

Sorry for spelling but tired

blueteddy Mon 03-Jan-05 09:12:26

I think that like Twiglett says, as long as you know that you would be happy with whatever gender you end up with, it is fine to hanker slightly towards one gender.
Have you got all boys?
I do feel, however, that only getting pregnant for a certain gender, is not the best thing to do as it is a 50/50 chance.
My friends Mum did this with her second daughter (she wanted a boy) & ended up really depressed after she was born. She had BIG problems bonding with her & admitted that she did not love her for the first 6 months
This daughter of hers has now gone on to give her a grandson

aloha Mon 03-Jan-05 10:08:12

Down Syndrome is really the only condition which is more likely to affect a child depending on the age of the mother. Otherwise, there is a higher risk of miscarriage but not really of birth defects/disabilities. How old are you?
Of course you can have a preference for a girl or boy, but IMO if you would be seriously upset to have the other gender, then don't get pregnant. It's not fair. Anyway, you have a person, not a gender. Your boy could and probably would be totally different to my boy, and my girl totally different to your girl.

blueteddy Mon 03-Jan-05 10:19:48

I agree 100% aloha!
I have 2 boys & they could not be more different!
My sisters MIL had 4 boys to try for a girl.
She actually sent her dh for a vasectomy reversel for that reason (after first 2 sons)
They went on to have another 2 boys!!
Her 3rd ds is now 12 & she has said to us, in front of him "He was ment to be my girl."

Gobbledigook Mon 03-Jan-05 10:23:37

poor, poor little boy. That's hideous.

blueteddy Mon 03-Jan-05 10:40:45

I know
He is the lovliest boy as well, really sweet natured & very handsome, although his Mum tends to call him pretty!

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