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Oh my God - totally unplanned!!!

(24 Posts)
ellasmum Wed 13-Nov-02 20:18:00

Hi..

I am desperately in need of advice as I found out yesterday that I am pregnant - I had thought I had flu!!!

I have got a 7 month old DD who has been incredibly hard work and to be honest I am having very mixed feelings about having number 2 so soon.

I am feeling absoloutely dreadful and am barely able to function let alone run around after a very lively DD who has decided she only wants to stand up at the moment!!!

To make matters even better (!), we are moving house next week - thankfully only around the corner - and due to go to Australia in a months time - so I am also stressed about that.

DP is less than impressed with the situation - his exact words were that he was '5% pleased about it' this is an improvement on the 2% last night.

Sorry to rant on, but as you can probably tell I am feeling a bit unsure about the whole thing and really need tips on how to survive morning sickness with a 7 month old DD and how to cope with 2 babies so close in age.

Ellasmum

WideWebWitch Wed 13-Nov-02 20:26:51

ellasmum, sorry to hear you're feeling so well, mixed feeling-ish, about it, not surprising really! Don't have any tips on coping with 2 so close but how do you feel apart from shocked? More than 5% pleased do you think? Hope someone else can give you some useful advice. I'm sure you'll be OK to go to Australia when you're only just pregnant, seem to remember it's ok to fly up to about 35 weeks (? someone will correct me if I'm wrong, I'm sure). If you're moving, at least it'll be over with before you're heavily pregnant! I'm looking on the bright side for you Also your children will also be so close in age that they may get on really well and play together happily.

threeangels Wed 13-Nov-02 20:34:13

Hi Ellasmum - I dont know if I should say congrats or I'm sorr. Well, I guess i'll say congratulations. I honestly dont have any advice at the moment on how to make it easier with the two.

The one thing I would say is I'm sure you will along with dh adjust to having #2 so soon after #1. I guess its just a shock. I'm sure all will be fine in the end. I think its a lovely thing though that your 2 will be so close (hopefully). At least theyll be able to play with each other on the same level. I'm sure it will be hard with the morning sickness and running after a 7-? old. Just remember its only temporary. I wish you the best.

ellasmum Wed 13-Nov-02 20:35:51

WWW - I am feeling more than 5% pleased and keep thinking that we will smugly have all sleepless nights over with whilst our other (more sensible) friends will have thenm spread out over 5 years!!!

I like the idea of them playing together but it is the bit before that I am not sure about ie. the nappies / feeding etc..

I can't believe I am having to think about a double buggy!!!!

WideWebWitch Wed 13-Nov-02 20:41:54

ellasmum, in that case, sorry, I forgot to say congratulations! You're right, you will be over all that while others are still going through it. Keep muttering "it's a phase, it will pass" and post here when the going gets tough, you'll be OK!

monkey Wed 13-Nov-02 20:43:02

Well I got pg (planned ) when my ds was 8 months and I think it's a fantastic age gap. My 2 are mad about each other. They're close enough in age to go to the same playgroup, have the same stories etc etc. It might not have been planned, and at 1st it'll be hard work, but I can promise you 2 close together can be great!

Health warning - DO NOT read 2 shoes 3 socks & no hairbrush, whatever you do - will only make you feel suicidal!

ellasmum Wed 13-Nov-02 20:46:50

Monkey - thanks for tip re. the book. Having read every book going first time around, I am planning on reading nothing more informative than Heat and OK magazine this time!!

As DP said, at least we will have learnt something from DD so things might be easier second time round.

florenceuk Wed 13-Nov-02 20:48:41

Congratulations Ellasmum! There is every chance no 2 will turn out to be that magical sleeping baby everybody else seems to have Have to admit, the thought of 24hrs on the plane with a lively 8mth old and morning sickness is less than appealing but I'm sure you will cope...

bossykate Wed 13-Nov-02 22:20:16

congratulations, ellasmum!

can understand the mixed feelings, but you *will* cope. you've coped up to now and you will cope with this, and you'll love your new little one as much as ella. remember if things get tough, you've got on line support here on mumsnet.

dps/dhs eh! he may only be 5% pleased but he's 50% responsible...

congratulations again. you can and will manage this.

Hilary Wed 13-Nov-02 22:33:55

My age gap between ds1 and ds2 is not as small as your gap will be BUT I just wanted to say that a second baby does tend to be much easier than the first. With ds1 it took us until 4pm to get to the PO in the early days after having been aiming to get there all day. There is none of that second time around, you wonder what you found so hard about the first one. Now my two are older (almost 4 and almost 2), I actually think it is easier than just having one as they play together so well...and have done for over a year.

Rhubarb Wed 13-Nov-02 22:34:47

Ellasmum, I don't know if this will help, but I did a website on unplanned pregnancies some time ago. It cover aspects such as all your options, depression both during and after pregnancy, and other mothers comments on how they coped with the unexpected. You can have a look at it here . I hope it does help and good luck!

Skara Wed 13-Nov-02 22:54:33

congratulations Ellasmum I have a baby the same age as yours and had a scare a couple of weeks ago which really made me think about how I'd cope with ds and morning sickness (badly!). My best friend has two who are 15 months apart and they are the best of friends and very similar stage wise which is a definite plus. They both potty trained within weeks of each other, eat the same stuff, go to bed at the same times, share a room, etc etc etc...as far as I can see there weren't many disadvantages and she thoroughly recommends it. As for DP, well mine said 'Oh. Am I supposed to be happy about this?' when I told him I was pg with ds and he is besotted now. And as for double buggies, well if your dd is anything like mine get a tandem - mine spends the whole time trying to gouge out ds' eyes - oops.

unsure Wed 13-Nov-02 23:24:58

Message withdrawn

ScummyMummy Wed 13-Nov-02 23:32:44

Oh unsure, babes, this sounds shite and awful. Can you go and talk frankly to someone about it? A professional- counsellor, GP, parenting organisation maybe or a very good friend who knows how to listen? Rhubarb's website linked below is very good, I think. If you think the odds are that you just can't go ahead, you should receive some counselling of sorts prior to having the termination but provision is patchy and it sounds to me like you might need something more than this. Good luck whatever you decide- I hope you feel better soon.

ScummyMummy Wed 13-Nov-02 23:36:46

And congrats, Ellasmum, btw Hope dh's 5% pleasure is on the up and up and that you find the next months and years ahead bring lots of pleasures with 2 babies and aren't as stressful as you fear. My experience with twins is that there are many positives to 2 close in age, especially a little later down the line. Good luck!

Alibubbles Thu 14-Nov-02 07:43:25

Ellasmum, don't worry. everything will be fine. If you think it's going to be hard work it will! My two are just 13 months apart, the first 14 years were a doddle, its hormone city from then on and then it's a problem!

I never used a double buggy, DD walked everywhere, if she was desperately tired and wouldn't walk (rare) I used a sling.

Put both in the same room from day 1, they get used to sleeping though anything.

Good luck, it can be fun!

unsure Thu 14-Nov-02 08:41:07

Message withdrawn

ellasmum Thu 14-Nov-02 10:09:17

Unsure - please don't feel you are hijacking this thread. Your situation sounds hard and I hope that you come to a decision that makes you happy - whatever that may be. You have to do what is right for you at this time.

Thanks for all the info from everyone else - we have decided not to go to Australia - mainly for finance reasons. Basically as we are moving, we are now going to have to do a loft conversion on the new place much quicker than anticipated so are going to use the money we were going to spend on flights towards that. Luckily, we weren't due to pay for the flights until next week so will not lose any money at all!!!

ellasmum Thu 14-Nov-02 10:15:40

Rhubarb - I just tried to have a look at your link but no luck. Can you try and post it again??

Thanks

sobernow Thu 14-Nov-02 12:56:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ames Thu 14-Nov-02 13:43:54

hi ellasmum, i remember your posts from before. Your situation and dd sound very similar to mine. DD is now 10 months and I am 18 weeks pg (neither really planned or unplanned as I was bf and didnt have any periods) I did feel absolutly awfull with morning sickness and such, the only way I coped was to get to bed as early as possible, but I do feel much better now. I've had mixed feelings about the small age gap but I think there are pros and cons and a second child will always be 'difficult' I try to remember that dd will also be older when the new baby comes, she will be walking and talking (just about.)
I hope your dp becomes a bit more supportive. His words were hardly constructive I think my dh i pleased/indifferent as he manages to sleep through a screaming baby quite peacefully (so I doubt two screaming will turn him into an insomniac) I've got loads I'd like to say but dd is pulling the house to pieces so I'll post later.

Rhubarb Thu 14-Nov-02 13:59:38

Sorry Ellasmum, here it is again unplannedpregnancies

ellasmum Thu 14-Nov-02 14:06:52

Sobernow - disloyal is excatly how I feel!! I am worried that DD will miss out on having Mummy around just for her and I scared I will miss out on bits of her growing up as I will be so involved in number 2!!

Ames - would love to hear more about surviving morning sickness!!! At the moment, my worst time is about 5.00pm which corresponds beautifully with feeding/bath etc.. which is exhausting enough as it is. I have been going to bed really early and just keep thinking it won't last forever.

ellasmum Thu 14-Nov-02 14:11:09

Rhubarb - thanks for the link - really interesting site. Have read through it quickly but am going to look in more detail tonight.

Thanks again.

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